10 Ways to Finally Achieve Unshakeable Self-Esteem

By , SparkPeople Blogger
Think back on the last three or four goals you set for yourself. Did they have to do with your physical appearance or career? Chances are the answer is yes. Wanting to lose weight, get fit, get a promotion, eat healthier or be more productive are all admirable goals, but when did we lose sight of making our emotional health and wellness a priority?
It is not what we achieve "out there," but rather our underlying sense of self-esteem that makes or breaks our sense of happiness and well-being. It is the underlying filter that we see the world. If we don't truly love—or even like—ourselves, nothing from the outside will truly fill the void from within.
For many people, the phrase, "I'll be happy when…"  typically ends with responses such as "I'm thinner", "I get in better shape", "I find a mate", "I get a better job",  "I get a promotion", " I have children", "I move" or "I have more money". What do those responses all have in common? They all assume that things on the outside hold the key to happiness. But many successful, witty, attractive people who by society's standards "have it all" lack inner self-confidence and self-esteem. Losing weight, getting fit, earning a promotion or finding a mate are all great, but they do not ensure anything more than a temporary high if a nagging sense of low self-esteem still lurks from within.
This is not to say that having goals isn't a good thing. The trick is to not be fooled into believing that these achievements alone will help you achieve a sense of happiness and well-being. Inner happiness will only come from truly embracing your greatness and enjoying the journey of reaching for goals—not by measuring your worth once you get there. You deserve to love yourself starting right now, and with these tips, you'll be well on your way.

10 Self-Esteem Boosters

1. Make self-esteem unconditional: There are no pre-conditions to your self-worth. You are beautiful and worthy no matter what. Your worth as a person does not depend on you losing those nagging 15 pounds, getting into your top choice school or finding the love of your life. While each is a worthwhile pursuit, you are just as worthy on the journey as you would be if and when you reach the destination.
2. Quell your inner critic: Talk to yourself as you would a best friend. Too often, we say things to ourselves we would never dream of saying to anyone else. Beating yourself up when you fall short or feel down will only cause anxiety and degrade your sense of self-worth. Instead of immediately resorting to negativity, focus on unleashing your inner nurturer instead of your inner critic.
3. Think rationally: The quality of your thoughts reflects the quality of your life; as such, healthy thoughts underlie healthy feelings. Thinking in black and white, all-or-nothing ways, such as "I'm stupid" or "he's a jerk," will make your thoughts distorted and extreme, often leading to anxiety and depression over time. Sticking to the facts rather than your interpretations will help you think straight to feel great.
4. Give up the "if only" excuses: There is one thing for sure in this life: The past never changes. Excessive regret is a self-esteem robber, and focusing on what could have been, should have been or would have been if you made different choices is pointless and destructive. Instead of reworking the past, focus on what's next with the lessons learned from abandoned goals and past behaviors. Forgive yourself for not having the foresight to know that which is now so obvious in hindsight, and you'll find that moving forward and growing will be that much easier.
5. Embrace self-compassion: When you are self-compassionate, you choose self-kindness over beating yourself up. No success in the world will make you feel better about yourself than being kind and self-loving.
6. Cultivate mindfulness: While many equate it to meditating and isolation, mindfulness is actually the art of being present with non-judgmental awareness. It is the art of accepting what cannot be changed and working to cultivate a "beginner's mind." Noticing the beauty around you rather than getting lost in the recesses of your critical head will help you see the world mindfully.
7. Take care of yourself: All too often, we spend so much time caring for others that we neglect our own needs. Refusing to sacrifice our needs for self-care and making ourselves a priority will make us healthier and happier in the long run. Don't forget to take a few minutes every day to do something beneficial for your mind or body.
8. Assert yourself: Speaking your mind and finding your voice is vital to self-esteem. Fear of expressing thoughts and feelings over concern about what others think will slowly rob you of your confidence. To practice reinforcing your sense of self-worth, practice using "I" statements to express your thoughts and feelings rather than keeping quiet in fear of criticism and rejection.
9. Develop strong connections: The quality of our support systems often correlates with how we feel about ourselves. While no one can give us self-esteem, having strong, supportive familial and friendly bonds help us feel good about ourselves. The best way to grow is not in isolation, but through positive relationships that challenge and change you.
10. Have an attitude of gratitude: Grateful people tend to be more self-loving and confident. Those who look for the roses instead of focusing on the thorns will be more likely to focus on what they have rather than what they lack. Make a point to find three new things you are grateful for each day, and write those thoughts in a gratitude journal. You will be more likely to feel whole when you do not focus on the perceived frustrations or disappointments in your life.
Improving your self-esteem and embracing your greatness will help you truly love yourself and love your life. While it may not come natural to everyone, focusing on self-care and positive self-talk will allow you to recognize all that your body and mind can achieve and help you slowly improve how you view yourself. After all, don't you deserve to be happy, to love yourself and appreciate yourself as you are right now? We think you do.

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NASFKAB 8/7/2020
Good Report
KITTYHAWK1949 7/29/2020
love self is so important Report
RAPUNZEL53 5/21/2020
Great Report
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It's so difficult to unlearn the inner critic, when so many "friends" and family have been negative towards me. My therapist wants me to read Pete Walker's book on CPTSD ...C Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I can't remember what the C stood for? Constant? Report
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This is a great article. I have been blessed by good self esteem, it is a gift to ourselves, so we can be a gift to others. I know that mine was because of fantastic coaches. I joined team sports and the coaching I received gave me the confidence and self worth that I feel I wouldn't have had without them. So join clubs, sports and fitness facilities that promote strength inside and out. Report
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Good reminder: be your own best friend. This, low self-esteem. has been a life-long struggle for me. As soon as I realized I was not a victim, I was in control of my own travel on Life's road, and that the past cannot be changed; my life became so much easier to live and enjoy. Report
Thank you for your blog, it only confirms what I finally realized about 2 years ago (I am 61 now). For years, I allowed my husband (of 40 years) and others to control what I use to think about myself. NOW, he and others are not allowed to do it. When he or others try, I remind them, that is their issue, not mine. I am mentally in a different state of mind... I love myself, where as before, I did not... I always felt, I could never do anything right in someone elses eyes (because of what they would say in words). I am retired, enjoy life, volunteer, go to bible study, got back into sewing/quilting... I do things for me now... not just others. Report
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thank you I really needed this my husband came home drunk last night waking me up blasting music.. knowing I have to go to work morning.. Im so sad how someone could be so mean Report
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Thank you for all the supportive and wonderful comments! I am glad this post was helpful to so many to embrace their greatness!
I needed this article. I often have bouts of low self esteem. Next time that happens, I will definitely try some of the things mentioned. Report