Surgery in 2 days; nervous wreck
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
My surgery is in two days and I'm going crazy! If I think about it to much I start freaking out, for the past two weeks I've pretty much cried myself to sleep every night. It's stressing me out and keeping me from my goals, ever since I found out I needed the surgery I've been eatting like crazy. I also stopped taking the diet pills (perscription) that helped me lose the 40 lbs I've lost so far. So the stress in combination with that I've gained 4 lbs in the past two weeks. I need to get back in control but it's rough, maybe I'm just meant to be the fat girl, maybe my body likes me like that...
Ok ok I should snap outta it right. Friday (if I feel up to it) I'm going to go back to my doctor and get a refill on my diet pill perscription. I don't want to be dependent on them, but they motivate me so much. They could be fake sugar pills for all I know, but they give me confidence and make me want to exersice hard core and do good. I need that boost, at least right now.
I'm so lonely right now, me and my boyfriend broke up because I didn't tell him I was having surgery, and the stress of it all made me kinda distant (his words). I didn't know exactly that it would come down to that, I've known I might need it for like a year now, but just found out 2 weeks ago it was for sure. And I never told him, or anyone, what I was going through till very recently. I'm so lonely and mad, mad at him for leaving me when I need someone the most, but more mad at me cuz I feel like it's my fault and could of been avoided. Why can't I ever get a break.