A supporting role
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
A co-worker stopped me in the hall this morning to comment that she could tell I had lost weight. I have lost a little weight. Some days it seems like a drop in the bucket compared to what I need to loose. It's come off very gradual and I don't see the difference when I look at myself, so I was surprised that she noticed. What surprised me even more was my reaction to the compliment.
It made me feel terribly insecure. My first instinct was to grab a sweater to cover myself up. It even crossed my mind that maybe I don't want to loose weight if it's gonna make people notice me. I've been puzzling this reaction for most of the morning and I've come to the conclusion that I'm very uncomfortable being in the spotlight. I would much rather play a supporting roll in life. Don't get me wrong, I like to get an attagirl every now & then, but if the focus is on me I get very squirmy. According to my doctors a healthy weight for me would mean I need to loose over 100 pounds. That's a significant weight loss. Why did it never occur to me before that if I lost that much weight, people would notice?
I'm not sure yet how I can keep from sabotaging myself so that I'm not in the spotlight. I hope just making myself conscious of it will be the first step. This is going to be another one of those lessons I need to learn on my journey to good health.