A difficult day
Monday, October 05, 2009
I hate feeling sick, especially that undefinable kind of sick where you just want to crawl in bed, you're limp as a rag, but you can't explain what's wrong with you. That was my day yesterday.
For the first time in months, I had food cravings. Not that I could tell you what, in particular, I craved, but I wanted to be eating all day. I didn't, of course, but it was a struggle. And it hasn't been a struggle up until now. I snacked all day rather than eat big meals, and managed to stay within my range, but I was miserable doing it.
I know it was something physical, but emotionally I'm done in as well. My mother has started declining fast, and is now refusing any further treatment. The doctors have promised her she won't be in pain, but she isn't using morphine yet. I'm heading up there on Friday, and I wonder if it's the last time I'll see her. So many feelings there.....