This, Too, Shall Pass
Sunday, February 28, 2010
So, a setback in mood gave me pause for concern a couple of days ago...
That's it. Pause.
In 24 hours time I was back on track. No obsessing: 'OMG, the depression is back.... Here it comes'. No throwing caution to the wind, no self-sabotage, no emotion-driven food binges. Nothing. Just the unfamiliar odd looming knowledge somewhere in my brain that while, yes, I was quite down, that "this too shall pass".
I think this is the closest I've ever been to comprehending how (so-called) normal folks experience and process "the blues". I'd see people my whole life who had low moments or days, but unlike me, theirs seemed to occur in small frames of time, transitory in nature and, unlike me, they seemed to know even WHILE the sadness was there that in a day or two they'd be OK. I always felt like mine would never leave, and even worse, when I'd do well for a week, month or even several months there was always the underlying fear (almost terror sometimes) of the depression returning.
Could it be that I've won my lifelong battle with depression?
It may be too soon to tell, but for now I am just enjoying this feeling of control over my own extremes of emotion. Among so many other things.