Tired and rambling... ha!
Saturday, June 05, 2010
So it goes like this... I'm just so dang tired all the time. Between my kids waking me up at 1:30am a few times a week. Being told I have Lupus a few months ago and feeling like I had the flu and wanting to die the last few weeks, I can't seem to shake myself up enough to complete anything! I have all these things I need to do and know what I have do but then it's hot and I'm tired... It sucks. Depressing. Then, I get a little sliver of motivation and start thinking screw the Lupus and screw the heat so I start to clean out the garage. Dang, how does someone acquire so much stuff? Yuck!! Then, I think, am I a hoarder? No, just a single mother of 3 trying to do everything all the time, all alone... not what I thought I would be doing ever. Then I go back in my air conditioned house and drink some water and say screw the garage. I'm tired. Back in the day, I could do anything! Then I got hit by a drunk driver 4 years after my ex left us. When I got married it was forever, sheet!, too bad I didn't marry someone who thought the same thing! Ha! Okay, now I can say HA, then I was devastated. I'm actually glad I don't have a liar and cheater in my life any longer. I do feel bad for my kids because he still lies to them but they're older now and they kinda get it. But then, do they? I used to believe him too... They still get hurt. But at least now they know he's a liar for themselves. I used to make excuses for him. Now I don't ever have to say anything but I'm sorry to them. There is honesty in the world, right? I mean people are really good and want others to be happy right? Or are people just mean bitches? I mean I can be a real bitch but usually it's after someone is rude or just mean. Does anyone make real commitments any more? I want to go see Sex in the City 2. See, the thing is those girls made me laugh and cry when the show was on HBO. Seems like a hundred years ago. Oh, it was! I lived vicariously through them. I was going through my divorce, home with 3 babies and never, I mean never got to go anywhere unless my kids were with me and I didn't really mind but I missed having someone to share quiet times with. So Sex in The City became my "other" life! I know the girls are sluts but that's what I loved about them! Anyway, they were just tv sluts. I still love those girls (women) and I still remember the nights they gave me a glimmer of laughter and sex! Ha! Yup... I don't think a lot of people can relate but I was home with my kids and when they were asleep I could take a breath from doing it ALL alone, drink a glass of wine and relax with my girls! Now I'm wondering when is it my turn to have some real fun? Ride a camel or something? Ha! I know it's just a movie... then I look around and remember I'm in Palmdale! Rock on all you Sparkers!!! Live well, laugh often! Enjoy every moment!!