Monday, October 25, 2010

I'm staying at my cousin's house and all is quiet. The kids are in school, my cousin is at work, and I have some time to myself to quietly enjoy coffee and connect to SP.

I arrived in Ohio on Saturday afternoon. The flight was uneventful, just the way I like them, and the car rental place was out of economy cars so I'm driving in style in a Jeep Grand Cherokee. Wow! Same price as the economy car, too!

I've seen my grandmother both days I've been here. The first day, Saturday, I drove straight from the airport and many of my family members were already there. She knew who I was immediately and managed to stay alert long enough for me to sit with her by myself, cry a little, and tell her how much I love her. Sunday was very different. She had no idea who my aunt and I were and she could barely keep her eyes open. She talked about things none of us had ever heard of before (like a 4th son who never existed...). We were worried that she was being given too much pain medication, but found out from her nurse that she was given NO meds that day at all. She's just old and fading...However, I'm noticing how hard it's been on the family that she's been going in and out of this type of mental state for over two weeks now. One day she looks like she's at death's door, and then she wakes up the next day totally normal and asking to be dressed and gotten out of bed. My uncle who is very pragmatic by nature is really torn and it's taking a huge toll on him. It's hard to watch. But, like I've always believed, death is much harder on the living than it is on the dying. Certainly, we don't want our loved ones to feel pain at the end and that is incredibly hard on them, however, once they are gone and at peace, regardless of what you might believe spiritually, it is those of us left behind who then have to deal with that death and all the pain it can bring.

I've been able to see my grandfather who is 94, and he looks fabulous! He's always been a fighter (literally - Golden Gloves boxer, and figuratively). I get so much of my strength from him. He has a horrible time walking because of knee degeneration that is to dangerous to operate on at this late stage of his life, but otherwise, he's spry, feisty, and all-together mentally. It's amazing. I've got some serious longevity in my family - hope my husband and kids can put up with me that long!!!

Ohio is beautiful in the fall. It's my favorite time of year. The leaves are brilliant shades of yellow, orange, and red, the air is crisp and clean, and the weather is cool and mild. I walk outside and breathe deeply and feel alive. There is no smog, no traffic, and no hassles. Of course, I'm technically on vacation, so I sleep in, stay up late, and mostly relax at my own pace. But still, I know why I'm here, but I'm still enjoying being back "home" with my family at this time of year. Right now, I'm looking out the bedroom window and seeing nothing but fall colors. The leaves are rustling becasue of a slight breeze and the sky is overcast - it's everything I think of when I'm in sunny So Cal missing the change of seasons!

My cousin works at the local YMCA. I'm heading there today with a pass. She's a fitness instructor and a personal trainer, so she's going to take me through a cycling class, which I've never done and am looking forward to. I'm going to get some strength training in today, too. I brought workout clothes and plan to run while I'm here (talk about a beautiful place to do THAT). There's always a way to stay healthy. I have no intention of worrying too much about food, but I want to keep my exercise up. As for the food, however, I know when I'm hungry and I know when I'm not, so I can do this without going overboard. It's only food, after all.

I changed my goal weight today. I want to get down to 140 instead of 148. I changed my goal date to January 20th of next year and lowered my calorie burn for each week, at least until I can get back home and get back into a normal routine where I workout as much as I did before my ablasion and my trip. I feel good about this change. I'd like my BMI to be lower and I'd like to feel firm and trim, despite my age and my height. I believe I can do this in a healthy way. I'll take it one day at a time, like I take everything else in my life.

I hope my spark friends are doing well. I've been preoccupied and busy lately and haven't done tons of posting or connecting. I think about you all, though...you keep me motivate and connected and I appreciate that.

Have a wonderful day (and week if I don't have a chance to touch base again).

Thanks for listening!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    So glad you're getting this time to see your grandparents and to reflect and think. It's so hard to see those we love go through this stage and then to pick up the pieces after they are gone. Enjoy this calm now while you can.

    emoticon emoticon
    3735 days ago
    emoticon it is hard to see loved ones get like that. Stay strong.
    I am jealous of the leaves, I know they are gorgeous!
    3735 days ago
    the family should celebrate your grandparents' lives while they are still alive like a family reunion (I bet grandpa would love it). I have seen in the hospital where a person suddenly becomes very lucid right before they die, so you can be prepared for the inevitable
    emoticon emoticon
    3735 days ago
    Hope you have a great day!
    3735 days ago
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