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God and my brother~

Saturday, March 05, 2011

I've had an incredible amount of stress for several months. Now my brother is declining quickly and I keep trying to remember that God knows and cares. I keep trying to remember that God is God and that what I want or plan is not always in his big plan for me. My memory is coming back about the anguish I felt as my mom died with Alzheimer's. I remember how mad I was at God for allowing this to happen to my wonderful Christian mother who loved God more than anything else. Now, my 63 year old brother is going through the same thing. Eight years of progressing dementia. It started so young in him. The facility tells me they are very concerned with his decline. I thought that when I brought him up here that I'd be able to visit him often and cheer him up. He's still inside his pitiful body, he recognizes me and smiles, but now he wails continually and only stops wailing when he's eating. He cannot walk anymore, his face is contorted in what I think is pain and anguish. I keep having to remind myself that God is in control and his plan may not be what I want. I keep begging him to help for my mother's sake. Just this year while reading the Bible I realized that God is God. He hardened some peoples hearts, he killed people in the old testament for disobeying, even in the new testament, God let his son be crucified to pay for our sins. Most, maybe all, of the disciples died a death of martyrdom. Boiled in oil, beheaded, stoned. God is God and I abide in that thought. This life is temporary and short lived, I've been luckier than others in many ways. God is my God and I trust him...
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  • no profile photo CD845728
    Bug, I've never experienced what you're going through, so I can only imagine what it's like. God is certainly with you and your family, hard as things are right now. Continue to lean on Him and share with Him how you feel, your sadness, helplessness and even anger. Crawl up into His lap and feel His comfort.

    emoticon
    3561 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/7/2011 12:09:42 PM
  • CARINMARIE
    You are such a strong, faithful woman, Bug. What you have done for your brother has made a difference. I'm certain that if he could communicate with you he would tell you how grateful he is to have such a loving sister. You have made it possible for him have people who know and love him surrounding him.
    3562 days ago
  • MORTICIAADDAMS
    I am so sorry about your brother, Bug, but I also agree 100% with what you had to say here. The Serenity Prayer comes to mind. God has seen him suffering and maybe He has chosen to call him home soon and make him whole again. emoticon
    3562 days ago
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