Time to step back a little..

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

I have been so caught up with my brother's health and finance issues that I have lost track of myself. I have eaten for comfort, to relieve stress and just because I can't focus on me right now. It's almost May and last year I had lost 20 lbs by September when all this started with getting my brother's conservatorship. All I wanted was to bring him up here by me so I could make his remaining days more pleasant. It hasn't turned out like I planned. He has had to go to the emergency room 4 times since Dec 17th when I was made conservator. He was walking and recognizing me and I hoped that the added care and the nice facility would help him but it's one thing after the other. What makes it horribly hard is that he's still married and she has alcohol and mental problems. She calls as many as 8 times in a day and rails at me. I've been going every couple of weeks to Santa Maria, (3 hour drive one way) for court hearings. I've gotten lost in the attempt to help him. About 1 month ago my brother stopped walking and shortly thereafter declined amazingly fast. Now mostly he's out of it and is losing the ability to eat food. Last week God spoke to my heart. He said to me that this may be the time for Mike to leave this world and told me to back away some and not to lose myself in his agony. He reminded me that He has a plan for him and for me and it probably wasn't in line with my plans. He nudged me and told me that I am letting Mike's problems destroy me. It's like he's drowning and I jump in even though I can't swim. It's useless and I will be destroyed because I seem to have lost my strength. He reminds me again and again that He's still in charge and it's out of my hands now.
God be with him and with me.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm sorry to hear that things are so sad. We do seem to forget about ourselves when we are caring for others. I wish you the very best and for every hour you give of yourself, take at least 5 minutes for yourself.

    My heart is with you dear Bug.
    3544 days ago
    There is nothing to stop you from loving Mike and giving him support but God is in control and will call him home when He is ready. emoticon
    3544 days ago
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