So if I haven’t really made it clear to some, I am currently deployed to Afghanistan right now. I started another blog prior to arriving here, pretty much to chronicle my experience. Unfortunately, I realized that it was a whole lot of “if I told you I would have to kill you,” and Groundhog Day. Fortunately when I started this desire to work on issues that I was having as Jen—because for a couple of years now I’ve only ate, slept and breathed how I could better myself as a Sergeant.
Trust me, I wasn’t the most pleasant to be around sometimes.
Since being over here it was brought to my attention how negative I have been about myself physically. I am my own worst critic when it comes to my appearance. Now I know that I am not an ugly person, but at times I do criticize things about myself—honestly I’m quite brutal.
Now wearing this uniform 7 days a week, hair always tied back into a bun does make one forget sometimes that they are a pretty attractive young lady. The only time I feel good about my body is right after a successful workout, before I have to put the uniform back on.
I don’t usually take any compliments from men seriously over here (for those that don’t know, we are not supposed to have “intimate relations” while out here so for most men everyone’s attractive if they can sneak a piece with someone) but today I met someone that made me genuinely feel good about myself.
Today didn’t start off great, after a killer workout this morning my feet were sore so I tried some foot pain crème I got in a care package, unfortunately I had a very bad reaction to it and my feet swelled up and are on fire right now as I type. So since I have to walk everywhere—to the chow hall, back and forth to work (1/2 mile one way), to the nasty port-a-johns outside—I have felt completely miserable. Oh and there was Operation Golden Flow where I had to walk a quarter mile to pee in front of another chick...
In a nutshell, I was feeling pretty damn fugly.
Well without going off into a different tangent, sometimes when you think you’re at your worst, someone else can see you as a thing of art.
So it made me think, why do I tell myself that I’m unattractive? If I think I’m so jacked up, then why do I work out twice a day, eat clean, maintain my hair and study how to better take care of myself? So I decided that now I’m causing sabotage to myself, which goes against my last post.
So here’s what I intend on doing from now on:
1.Continue to appreciate all the hard work my body is doing when I work out. Yes, when I take a shower after the gym I take the time to thank my arms, legs, back, abs, etc. for putting in the effort to be amazing. Hey before you judge, give it a shot.
2.While I’m getting ready for work, I really take the time to look at myself—look at the things I like about my face. It’s not being conceited to know that I have a nice smile. It’s gotten me far I think.
3.When I walk to work, I have time to really think about what I’m grateful for, hell I’m grateful that I’m used to this long ass walk and I’m not covered in sweat and want to die when I get there! Seriously, though…think of at least 10 things you are grateful for when it comes to you while going to work, before you know it, you will begin to feel pleasant and clear headed.
4.If something bad happens, like your hair gets messed up, you spill something on your clothes, or your feet swell up to the size of watermelons—don’t panic. Take a few deep breaths, and just realize that this kind of thing happens to everyone and it’s not just you that goes through these things. You are who you are no matter if you look flawless, or you have a big ol’ zit in the middle of your forehead—this is only temporary and it will pass.
5. Find one thing that no matter what, it will make you feel good about yourself. This has changed up for me but as of now it is my hair—I’m transitioning to natural and my hair is growing fast, thick and wavy—oh gosh how I love my waves! So sometimes when I’m feeling a little gross and unfeminine, I go somewhere alone, pull out my compact mirror and admire my wavy hair, like I said before not conceited—unless you do something like that in front of a bunch of people, then yeah, it’s not a good look.
These are simple and free ways to give you reasons to feel good about yourself. We are all beautiful, flaws and all. It’s hard in this society to believe that, but this is an age that we are in total control of our destinies and we can create ourselves to be the most beautiful woman we can be. It’s just up to us to be willing to put the work in.
A mantra I picked up from this lesson was, “The only one who can truly consider you ugly is you.”
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, my journey to a healthy lifestyle!