Seems so long ago...

As I drove to woke yesterday morning it approached the 5:30am time and I thought, wow, 14 years ago, I was debating whether to call my now ex-husband to see if he wanted to meet me at the hospital to see our third baby girl be born. I debated whether I should page him at his girlfriends place but then I thought about our baby and thought he was there for the other two, it wouldn't be fair he wasn't there for her. He had left 4 days prior. He didn't say he was leaving, he just left. Didn't take anything, not even his clothes, his girlfriend didn't like the way he dressed anyway, so she bought all new stuff for him. I guess after 10 years of marriage and 3 kids it must have made him feel special. All I could think of was, he left his babies. How could a real human being do that? I guess we feel that way because we know that we could never be that way. It's difficult to comprehend that other people are evil and deceitful. But it's especially difficult when it was someone we thought loved his family. So strange. I'm so glad I don't have that evil, lying and cheating man next to me any longer but he's popped back in my kids life after never keeping his visits up and they are buying into his lies. It's so sad to see it again and again. Maybe I'll let them learn it for themselves this time. I used to make excuses for his pathetic behavior of never showing up to open house or even sending a birthday card, let alone a gift. I tell them they should have ALWAYS had a room at "his" house. They should have always felt loved by all of us. But it's all new and it's only a matter of time before his wife finds fault with something and throws a fit. He'll choose her again and my lovely kids will feel the hurt once again... 14 years. He's taking me to court on the 27th. So bizarre, he could never pay for half of all the medical co-pays or their braces but he can sure afford an attorney to stop paying child support... It's a long and strange journey we're on. Makes me want a chocolate covered strawberry. I deserve one. Thank you... Do you choose love ever again... trust in yourself! Be good to yourself! Oh, I did page him. He drove me to the hospital, we sat in the parking lot and cried together. I ended up believing his lies about coming home because I had 3 small children and I couldn't imagine doing it all, all alone. Now, I couldn't imagine putting up with his deceit and his selfishishness all these years. So I just did the best I could and love my kids always! Not just when it's convenient for me... Always and forever!