In just 14 days
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
This could be one of those "I lost xx lbs in just 14 days"-Blogs. And indeed did I loose about 17 lbs the last couple of weeks. But this is about the next 14 days coming ahead.
In exactly 14 days or 336 hours or 20 160 minutes I'll be sitting in the train and travel to my university, I'll have my thesis printed and bounded, I'll have copied the source code and all important not printed references (like web-site content, manuals, ...) neatly on a CD, I'll set up a running system of my source code and mailed the access point to my professor.
And yes - I've to face that it is over! The last act of my studies are over, okay except of my colloquium which will be from then in about 6 - 8 weeks.
Just the thought about it let's me feel all kinds of feelings. In one hand I'm excited to accomplished it. I'm happy to finally be able to have spare time again. I'm glad to see all those books, magazines, manuals and papers be gone from my workspace and be finally able to the the whole of my computer again.
On the other hand I'm afraid and worried about the future. I want to go on an pursue a master degree. But this is dependent on so many factors. I won't know if I'm admitted until end of february and until then I can't just sit around and do nothing. But with all the stress in the last couple of weeks I didn't figure out what exactly I want to do.
I also feel burned out. I want to be finish. My brain doesn't want to be bothered with all the thematic of my thesis. I don't want to write one more line of code or even one sentence in my paper.
All those feelings are compared with some kind of grieve. It's hard to realize you let go something you worked nearly the last half year on without big breaks. Maybe just one or two days off for a weekend at my parents, but it wasn't really off since my sketchbook was always with me and my mind always settled around the thesis.
During all these time I had a big supportive force - my parents and my bf. I'm so honored to have them. Both of them - independently - ordered me 3 weeks off after I'm done. Nothing to do, except what I want. And financially I don't have to worry so much, since my bf has a real good income. When I look at him, I know why it is worth do have worked so hard during my studies. He has a job he loves with a real good income.
And yes, I'm the first to have (nearly) finished a university certificate in my family. Here in Germany to go to university is still uncommon, since we have a totally different education system. And beside all this, I'm one of ten women to finish the degree in information technologies at my university in the last 8 years. This is something to be proud of!
But now enough of the distraction. On to the last sprint!