I've been letting the comments of people at work get to me. 2 people have commented that I've gained weight. Just because I don't look gaunt anymore doesn't mean my weight has changed (though it has because I'm gaining muscle.) I'm just 'filling out' in the right places after having been under such a restrictive diet in the past. I'm bustier, cheekier and my butt no longer sags, thanks to exercise.
And if I did gain weight, then so what? That doesn't give them the right to make tactless, off-hand comments. Friends keep telling me not to worry about it, it's part of our 'culture' blah blah blah. But that doesn't take away the sting. Coming from an eating disordered past (binge eating), this sh*t is tough. I'm trying my best - taking it one day, one workout at a time - to stay in shape, to stay healthy. And it is crazy hard. I wish I could say that maintaining was a piece of cake (or carrot, since that's my current favorite veg and so much better than cake.)
I wish they knew that before opening their traps and making remarks about another person's body. If they knew what's it like to choose not to run to food for comfort after growing up with the habit. If they knew what it's like to choose to exercise instead of watching TV all day long. If they knew what it's like to be so ashamed of your body that you hole up in your room and refuse to see other people. If only they knew.
I pray that they may never be saddled with an eating disorder and that they may lead long, fulfilling lives. I forgive them. And more importantly, I forgive myself for letting their words have power over me.
I don't want to be made to feel ashamed about my body. I just realized that feelings of shame and hatred can only come from me. I control how I react to my environment... and it shouldn't be the other way around. I wanted to write to the VP of Human Resources and tell him that employees should be more careful about what they say to co-workers and to keep things professional but then again, you can never fully control other people's actions. So go ahead, office people. Talk about how fat I am and I'll show you how fit I can be.
That being said, I've decided to create a more focused fitness plan with goals and a timeline.
It's still pretty rough, I want to fill in the details but I think I'm off to a good start.
I have the opportunity to shape my body… and my future. Let’s do this.
• Sculpt and tone my body – I want my loose skin to tighten up (belly, arms, thighs).
• Lose 15 lbs.
• Bring body fat down to 15%. (Currently at 17%)
• I want nice lean muscles.
• I want a flat stomach and a well-defined back.
• I want a flat-ish butt.
• I want a thigh gap. (Hehe.)
• I want to be strong and lean – I want to be able to do 20 full push-ups. I also want to be able to do a pull-up.
• I want to work on my endurance – I want to run a 10K without stopping by the end of 2012.
• I want to do it right this time through proper diet and exercise.
• Fitness First with Personal Trainer + Intermittent Fasting concept
• I commit to going to the gym at least 3x a week and working out from home 2x a week.
• Eat clean. Indulge once in a while. (90/10 rule)
By August 2013 - yep I'm giving myself a year to achieve this. Taking it slow and steady this time.
WHO? Working towards this body - strong, lean and fit!