Focused Fitness

Monday, August 13, 2012

I've been letting the comments of people at work get to me. 2 people have commented that I've gained weight. Just because I don't look gaunt anymore doesn't mean my weight has changed (though it has because I'm gaining muscle.) I'm just 'filling out' in the right places after having been under such a restrictive diet in the past. I'm bustier, cheekier and my butt no longer sags, thanks to exercise.

And if I did gain weight, then so what? That doesn't give them the right to make tactless, off-hand comments. Friends keep telling me not to worry about it, it's part of our 'culture' blah blah blah. But that doesn't take away the sting. Coming from an eating disordered past (binge eating), this sh*t is tough. I'm trying my best - taking it one day, one workout at a time - to stay in shape, to stay healthy. And it is crazy hard. I wish I could say that maintaining was a piece of cake (or carrot, since that's my current favorite veg and so much better than cake.)

I wish they knew that before opening their traps and making remarks about another person's body. If they knew what's it like to choose not to run to food for comfort after growing up with the habit. If they knew what it's like to choose to exercise instead of watching TV all day long. If they knew what it's like to be so ashamed of your body that you hole up in your room and refuse to see other people. If only they knew.

I pray that they may never be saddled with an eating disorder and that they may lead long, fulfilling lives. I forgive them. And more importantly, I forgive myself for letting their words have power over me.

I don't want to be made to feel ashamed about my body. I just realized that feelings of shame and hatred can only come from me. I control how I react to my environment... and it shouldn't be the other way around. I wanted to write to the VP of Human Resources and tell him that employees should be more careful about what they say to co-workers and to keep things professional but then again, you can never fully control other people's actions. So go ahead, office people. Talk about how fat I am and I'll show you how fit I can be.

That being said, I've decided to create a more focused fitness plan with goals and a timeline.

It's still pretty rough, I want to fill in the details but I think I'm off to a good start.

I have the opportunity to shape my body… and my future. Let’s do this.
• Sculpt and tone my body – I want my loose skin to tighten up (belly, arms, thighs).
• Lose 15 lbs.
• Bring body fat down to 15%. (Currently at 17%)
• I want nice lean muscles.
• I want a flat stomach and a well-defined back.
• I want a flat-ish butt.
• I want a thigh gap. (Hehe.)
• I want to be strong and lean – I want to be able to do 20 full push-ups. I also want to be able to do a pull-up.
• I want to work on my endurance – I want to run a 10K without stopping by the end of 2012.

• I want to do it right this time through proper diet and exercise.
• Fitness First with Personal Trainer + Intermittent Fasting concept
• I commit to going to the gym at least 3x a week and working out from home 2x a week.
• Eat clean. Indulge once in a while. (90/10 rule)

By August 2013 - yep I'm giving myself a year to achieve this. Taking it slow and steady this time.

WHO? Working towards this body - strong, lean and fit!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hey girl, I really identify with this and I'm sure a lot of other sparkers do too. You are 100% right that you can't change other people, only your reaction to them. I find SP and my blog here to be an excellent way for me to vent out my secret hurts so I don't internalize them. That's what we are here for!

    3205 days ago
    Girl you have worked hard. You look great. You are beautiful! Screw those ppl!
    3220 days ago
    You have done so great, don't let what others say get to you. Think of it this way, THEY NOTICE YOU. Many folks would really like to be noticed. ;-)

    As far as the 17% body fat, I agree with the other poster, that is low enough. Be careful not to end up swinging from being over weight to under weight. Very few folks find anorexic looking folks(even if they say they are healthy) as being appealing.

    If you are going to do this hard workout, you need that extra body fat to feed your muscles. Keep the faith.
    3222 days ago
  • ROCKMAN6797
    It is a shame that you have to listen to such "helpful" comments. You would think that people would be more aware of how words can be interepreted so differently by a person. Nevertheless, stay strong and stay the course! Love the year long plane, you will get there!

    3227 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12513988
    Some people lie to themselves. They think that their underhanded comments will help keep you from gaining weight. They're lying to themselves. Really, anyone who says "have you gained weight?" in all but very few cases is saying it to hurt you.

    I'm sorry that your coworkers are jerks. Good luck on your toning program!
    3229 days ago
    Your body is YOURS. People who make comments about it are just betraying their own insecurities. What matters is what YOU think about it!

    If you're really at 17% body fat right now, then you might want to take a look at some of these photos to see if you really want to go lower than that:


    17% is supposedly about the lowest amount of body fat that is sustainable for most women. People with percentages lower than that usually have done a cut cycle for competition.

    Just something to think about. :-)

    3229 days ago
  • no profile photo CD11896189
    You don't owe anyone an explanation about whether your weight is up or down. The next time you get a hurtful comment, come back at them with:
    Why would you say something like that?
    I don't appreciate that.
    You may not realize it, but I find that comment hurtful.
    Those comments make me uncomfortable.

    Then keep on keeping on. You are doing a great job and we can all see it.
    3229 days ago
    I know you have done a great job so far, but don't forget that what you are looking for is good health, and a woman needs some fat on her body - more that a man should have. Being strong and fit makes the body look it's best, and staying focused on that will pay big dividends. I suspect the people who claim you're getting fat (or heavier) are probably pretty envious of you. Are they a little overweight themselves?

    You just need to remember that the rest of the world is out of step with you - that was always my attitude. And remember - muscle is heavier than fat, so you can be heavier and look slimer if the fitness pays off.
    3229 days ago
    You've done such an amazing job so far! I know you can reach these goals.
    3230 days ago
    Great plan, and great that you're doing it for you and not because of some tactless comments!
    3230 days ago
    You have done wonderful. Ignore stupid people
    3230 days ago
  • no profile photo CD11552252
    You have made an amazing transformation. A lot of times people don't realize how what they are saying may effect other people, or they are just jealous of the results of all your hard work.

    Ignore them and keep up the great work. emoticon
    3230 days ago
    I know it's SUPER-hard because I would totally lose it if people made comments like that to me, but you have to look at your success on your own terms. If you're working on building muscle, it means that you're going to fill out and maybe even weigh a bit more, but you'll look even better than before! It really bugs me when people who've never struggled with their weight or have never done the hard work of getting down to and staying at their goal make negative comments. It might be a good idea to think of a few snappy comments to use the next time you hear someone make a negative comment--if they're offended, too bad. What's more offensive than commenting about someone's weight? I read an article recently in Health magazine that had nice replies to insensitive comments. I've included the link here. I especially like #11!
    3230 days ago
    Good for you! People really can be very hurtful, and it is difficult to just ignore, but you sure are on the right track. What a great plan! I wish you the best.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3230 days ago
    Wow, is that you on your background?? That's incredible! Nice goals, good luck with them : )
    3230 days ago
  • no profile photo CD11867230
    Thanks for adding me as a spark friend.

    You have done such an amazing job of losing weight. I know it's easier said than done to ignore people's comments. Why do people think it is ok???

    Your plan looks so well thought out and I might need to borrow that photo of your ideal body!

    3230 days ago
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