Changing My Focus
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Well friends, I have been pretty absent lately, but it was a necessary absence. A time to go through some things, sort some things out, and adjust my focus.
It looks like I am not going to be able to make it my friends wedding in August, I am VERY sad to miss it. But the truth is that I really just don't have the financial ability and add to that the physical stress and it just isn't going to happen. One of those bitter moments, when you just have to accept that the answer is no.
My nephew was born on June 4th, he is chubby, active, healthy, and happy. I absolutely adore him already and I cannot wait to spend more time with him. This will be my second nephew and I have come to realize that I really do love being an aunt.
I had surgery again the end of May, a laparoscopy to see what is happening in my pelvis, they found endometriosis. Don't know very much yet, see my doc tomorrow morning for post op visit and to make decisions. Exhausting process.
On the subject of my health, I have made a rather substantial change in the last couple of months, a change of focus. I have decided that since the standard medical world has failed me in most areas and I am going to be living with these diseases anyway, I need to help myself in every way that I can. My new focus is all about health. Yes, I still want to lose weight and losing weight is going to be part of this, but it is not the goal anymore. Through the most natural means possible I want to become as healthy as I can. Exercise, diet, supplements, physical therapy, spiritual growth (Jesus is my rock!), etc. No, I am not becoming some fanatic, I just want to start taking some control back, instead of laying down and giving up, this is how I can be defiant in the face of disease.
My hope is to get off certain of my medication (we will see) and ultimately achieve a better quality of life without procedures and drugs. Do not get me wrong, those things have their place, they are an important part of our lives and I am thankful for our many medical advances. To be honest, I am just really tired. I am tired of the poking and prodding, tired of the procedures, the exams, the medication, the side effects, the doctor visits, everything. I am just tired. I need a break. I need some time to focus on things that are not centered around being sick. I need some time to find my footing again, to find myself again.
So that is where I am. Relearning to lean on my Savior, to stand up, to move forward.
Life is long and I look forward to journeys end, but until then I keep walking.