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I Lied and I Knew It

Saturday, September 07, 2013

Come to be! Skip, dance, love, embrace life that is what Symphony 3 is saying. I just missed him too much that time. This time (and yes it is 20 minutes latter) I hear stand up and deliver. I might could. Dearest of Fathers spoiled me something fearsome to have to be here without him cheering me on. Ding dang boo hoo and all that. It has been two years and I thought I was done but the wheat thins said no. I would give anything to just look into his eyes looking back at me. I am happy most of the time but want him back all of the time. I want him to see me and tell me everything is going to be okay. Maybe I need to listen to the skip, dance and love part again. I am depressing myself. He would be disappointed.
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    Loss is hard, especially when it is someone who is such a strong pillar in our lives. The fact that we miss someone so much only reinforces that they were so very important. Don't run from the sadness. Embrace it, feel it, hold it tight for a bit, then let it go. Be kind to yourself. Two years is not enough time to not feel the pain. He would not be disappointed. He would hug you and encourage you, not scold and deride you. Things will remind you of him, and it will sting, but eventually, those same things will make you smile with remembrance.

    I lost my brother, who was my life-long best friend, three years ago. There are days that it just tears me up that he's not here to share the ups and downs and to make everyone laugh with his jokes and sense of humor. He was my rock and my biggest supporter. He was my confidante and my coconspirator. I know he's proud of my achievements, and supportive of my endeavors. I also want him back all the time and that's okay. Most days I can smile as I recall the funny things we did together. I try to share these stories with my son who hero-worshipped my brother.

    Life is a continuing series of "Hellos" and "Goodbyes." The important part is what we choose to do with the time in between these two. emoticon
    2734 days ago
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