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no one said life would be easy

Monday, December 30, 2013

So, I went to the gym Friday and Saturday night. Did cardio and a little strength training. I've been feeling tired lately and I forced myself to go and workout hoping it would boost my energy a bit. My doctor switched my anxiety medication about 3 months ago and I've gained over 20 lbs since then. I have NEVER been this heavy. I decided to step on the scale Friday morning and I was SHOCKED when I saw the number on the scale. I figured I had gained a couple of pounds but not THAT much.

The last couple of months have been so stressful, with my daughter having leukemia, and having to have to drop out of school, I have been stress eating BIG time. emoticon

So much has changed, and with the year coming to an end, I think about how much has changed over the course of a year. You don't realize who your true friends are until there isn't anyone around any more. My phone doesn't ring any more. No text messages like before. Forgotten, alone, and going through probably the roughest time in my life, EVER.

I don't think I have felt more alone than I have the past two months. I always think to myself, I need to make my children's childhood the best they could ever have. Especially now more than ever. But how is that possible with my youngest being sick and my emotions being hard to control? What is a mother to do? I try watching funny movies just to laugh once in a while because I am having a difficult time finding joy in anything any more.

Hopefully I will keep pushing to do the elliptical every day or at least 5 days a week, and incorporate ST more each week.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • JINKSGIRL4LIFE
    Hana, my goodness girlfriend, you have a load on your shoulders. Nothing is worse than when our children are sick. I'm so sorry you are going through that.

    You have a lot of friends here, that's for sure.

    I'm not doing very good either. I'm at my heaviest weight ever in my life too. If I keep up this madness I will hit 300 lbs in the next month. I never thought that would happen. Lots of reasons why but not one of them good enough to use as an excuse.

    If you ever want to talk 724-689-8690. Just call...



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    2440 days ago
  • SLIMSEXY09
    OMG! honey I am so sorry to hear about what you have been going through, and very sad to hear that your daughter has leukemia. I know that I have not been on here much lately but will try to be more now than before. If you would like to chat or just text I am down for that too. I know we don't live close by each other but maybe we can motivate each other by checking in daily or every other day to ensure that we are each staying on track and exercising. Let me know, and if you happen to still have my number it is the same girly. I hope you can start to feel better and hope that your daughter does as well.
    2444 days ago
  • READY4CHANGE81
    I know that I am practically a stranger, but my I wanted to send you a huge hug and let you know that my heart goes out to you. You are incredibly strong to endure what you are going through and to make a lifestyle change on top of that is commendable.
    I have endured a particularly hard year as well and have learned the lesson of "true friends." I am in no way comparing it to what you are going through, but I know how hard it is to feel that way and how lonely and empty it can be. Please know that your spark friends are always here any time you want to blog, talk, vent... hang in there! emoticon
    2449 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/5/2014 10:08:12 PM
  • RYDERB
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    2453 days ago
  • ADVENTURESEEKER
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    2455 days ago
  • WINNIE1978
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    2455 days ago
  • JCARDINAL
    I agree with John, I also include you, your daughter and your family in my prayers daily. You are never alone . You can vent on here any time you want. emoticon
    2456 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/30/2013 3:17:08 PM
  • no profile photo CD6254520
    First and foremost you are not alone, ever. I for one include you, your daughter and your entire family in my intentions each morning and evening. If I run across some minor inconvenience during the course of my day I realize that it is nothing compared to what you must be going through.

    It's easy for me to say have faith and to be strong. But please realize there are many of us here who hold you in our hearts

    Much Love

    John
    2456 days ago
  • THEBEE59
    I am so sorry to hear that about your daughter. I'm praying for strength and healing for you and her.

    Shame on your so called friends...look to your doctor and ask for support groups. Others that have been through or are going through this can offer the strength you need. Even if you don't think strangers can help, do it for your daughter.

    Good for you for looking for ways to stay motivated for your health and find humor in things to lighten your mood. It's a difficult time and I'll keep you in my thoughts.

    emoticon
    2456 days ago
  • AJDOVER1
    You're in my prayers. I'm inspired by your courage through such a difficult time. You're so smart to think about things like exercise and funny movies to sustain you right now.

    Thanks for writing this.
    2456 days ago
  • DIANE7786
    emoticon I'm so sorry about your daughter's very scary diagnosis. Cancer books say that friends the patient and family always knew they could count often disappear. Shame on them! You need to find strength for your daughter. If you are taking her to a cancer center, they likely offer a lot of free support. If not, ask her doctor for names of support groups. Take advantage of all the support available even if you think it sounds silly, you think you don't have time, or think you'll feel out of place. The people who run the support groups are extraordinary.
    2456 days ago
  • LESLIES537
    Sending hugs and prayers your way sweetie. Try not to worry about the scale...you have so much else on your plate right now. Cuddle up with the kiddos and watch some funny movies. When I'm depressed, I like to watch America's Funniest Home Videos with my kids. Hearing them giggle and letting myself laugh is the best medicine of all.

    Big hugs. I'm here for you ANY time you need someone to talk to, vent to, cry to, whatevs. I'm here. emoticon
    2456 days ago
  • FENWAYGIRL18
    First of all emoticon , I know exactly what you mean about the feeling of being abandoned by friends. Before I got sick my phone was ringing , invited to parties , having parties then I got lyme disease. EVERYTHING CHANGED!!!!!!!!!!
    I felt like I had died and no one told me, no more calls, no more invites it's when there is a sickness in the family or you get sick that you know who your REAL friends are and believe me I HAD NO REAL FRIENDS!
    My life has become a living hell but through it all my husband and son have been my guiding light.
    You have to look to your husband and kids to be yours, your little girl is going through something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy and I pray that she'll be okay!
    You've been through a lot and you need to find the lighthearted times like watching cartoons with the kids or a funny movie.
    Don't worry about the weight right now you have so much on your plate just be aware of what your putting in your mouth and keep tracking, exercise when you can but your under so much stress give yourself a break.
    You and your family just need to embrace everyday and feel the love, sometimes that makes a bad day tolerable. I live with chronic pain there are times I want to give up but my family sitting down watching a show with me or us laughing makes all the difference in the world.
    If you need a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen feel free to send me an email I sure do know what it's like to look around and see a whole new version of your life with no real friends.
    God bless you , your family and your little girl! emoticon emoticon
    2456 days ago
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