PAULAPIANO

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Being an addict

Thursday, March 27, 2014

I'm quite sure I'm an addict. Not to drugs or alcohol, but something just as deadly. Food. I grew up in an alcoholic home, so I determined at a young age that I would never become one of those statistics. So instead, I turned to food. In the last few months, I have determined that I am addicted to food.

Here were my warning signs. It's not just that I would eat a lot of food! I would eat for every emotion--celebration, loneliness, depression, boredom, fatigue, you name it! But that didn't necessarily make me an addict. I discovered that I was a closet eater, much like my dad was a closet drinker. If my husband was out of the house or down in the basement, I would dash to the cupboards. If no one was looking, I would grab an extra cookie, or 2, or 3. When I was alone in the house, I would find my trigger foods and finish them off. I would even resort to lying, to my own shame. "Did you eat that piece of cake?" "Who me? No!!" On shopping trips, I would buy chips or chocolate bars and either polish them off completely or hide the partially-eaten evidence in drawers or closets.

I'm glad I just re-read that last paragraph. I can hardly believe that was my behaviour. It always has been my behaviour. It is only by the grace of God and with the support of friends that I am once again "confessing my faults to one another, so that I may be healed," and making a fresh start again. When I am alone, I am asking God to speak to me, no, YELL at me, when I am tempted to binge.

It's been a really good week this week. I am eating properly, watching closely my sugar and sodium intake, and being accountable to my family. But the breakthrough has been admitting that I am an addict. I will always struggle with this issue, and I cannot complete this journey on my own.

So, I have a forked road ahead of me. Stay crippled as an obese woman, unhappy, a disappointment to myself and others. Or, I can continue on this journey, taking baby steps and sometimes big leaps towards my goal. The choice seems so obvious!! May it always be so, every moment, every day.

Lord, I have failed You and failed myself over and over, in so many ways. Thank You for forgiving me, for seeing me as a whole, complete, redeemed woman. Empower me every moment of every day with Your Spirit to live as I know I need to, to glorify You with this amazing, complex body You've given me. Amen.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • POSITIVEHOPE
    I also grew up in an addicted family. As. Result I didn't learn how to cope. I recently read something about new brain research and a new way of looking at addictive behaviors and how to treat them more successfully. If you are interested, look up Dr Amy Johnson's free, online, 23 page booklet, Fighting the Urge. It has helped me overcome that negative inner voice that says Eat it. NOW! She gave me the tools that I successfully used to stop my compulsive eating. It really works!

    http://dramyjohnson.com/wp-
    content/uploads/2013/12/Fightin
    g-the-Urge_Dr-Amy-Johnson.pdfR>
    It could be an answer to prayer for you like it was for me.
    2571 days ago
  • IGNITEME101
    It's a problem most at spark people have.
    I'm glad to see you are so honest! We can't do this losing weight thing and getting healthy if we aren't.
    You're on the right track. emoticon
    2571 days ago
  • KNEEMAKER
    I'm addicted too. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. Phil. 4-13 emoticon
    2571 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/27/2014 8:46:53 PM
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