Introspective or reclusive?

As I was looking over old blogs I wrote, I realized that when I first joined SP I didn’t hesitate to put my feelings out there. Now, I feel that I’m beyond introspective, I’m almost reclusive. I’m not sure what that’s about.

I was about to say that I don’t know what I’m doing on SP these days, but that wouldn’t be correct. It’s a safe place where I’ve found kindred spirits.

I joined in a quest for a healthier diet, having watched my mother suffer more than she should in her last days in part because she’d starved herself for years in her pursuit of being thin. SP nurtured me during the months leading up to her death, and nurtured me during the long period after when I sought to regain my equilibrium.

I wanted to run away during that period, run away from all responsibilities. SP helped me do that, except that running away turned into running. And so at age 60 I became an athlete!

In the four years since her death, I’ve struggled with delayed menopause (coming off HRT after 15+ years), a body that no longer tolerates the food that once sustained it, and the resultant yo-yoing of my weight. Oh, no great extremes of weight gain, but enough to leave me feeling miserable in my skin. I’m slowly figuring out which foods are actually friendly and which ones no longer agree with me. Throughout this challenge, running, dancing and my SP community continue to sustain me.

Today’s challenge is about simplifying my life, getting my two youngest DDs launched, and reducing the stress in my life. It sounds simple, but it isn’t. The youngest suffers from never-ending depression and blames me and the world. I’ve decided that getting her set up in an apartment/condo of her own will help her, and she admitted that the idea gave her hope. Now to find something she and I can afford.

The next one is almost done with her BA – well, another year. This one’s the angry one, the one who gets manic. She’s doing a better job of managing it, and she owns her issues. She’ll be fine, if I can survive the bouts of anger.

And then there’s my house, which is just about falling down around my ears inside and out. I can’t tackle the inside until I get DD out. And I can’t tackle the big ticket problems until I solve her housing problems. Then I’ll see how much money I have to start fixing things up.

Yup, that's where I am today. Time to put it out there, and continue to address it publicly. That worked before, and it will work again.

Thanks for being there, my friends.