Finally! A click...

Ever hear the "it will just click one day" statement? I have said it many times. Well today it clicked for me, again. Two and half years ago, I had a click and just started eating right and losing weight. For some reason, my memory remembers it as some sort of smooth riding weight loss train without bumps and bruises. My memory is lying to me. I went back and read my blogs from 2012. I struggled. I struggled a lot. And yet, through all that struggle, I still managed to lose almost 50 lbs in 6 months. I had many blog entries where I was so upset with myself from a weekend binge drinking/eating session. Even with those many events, I still managed to do it. I still managed to keep losing weight. I shake my head to think that my memory has led me astray all this time thinking that the last time I lost weight I somehow magically had it all together. That's a lie.

I have been really depressed lately. I was recently diagnosed with Cyclothymia, which is a mild version of bipolar disorder. It explains my roller coaster emotions, my problems with motivation and mood swings, my depression episodes, my days of unbelievable motivation, my short temper, my lack of ability to remember things, and my inability to complete tasks and focus. I thought I had ADD. So with that, I have a medicine I just started and I am hoping it helps with some of my negative habits.

Sometimes the best starting places are the unplanned. I didn't plan to start anything today, but I did. I have tracked all my calories today and will continue to do so. I owe myself. I owe myself the feeling of weightloss. I owe myself a healthy, happy body. I am not happy where I am. If I could be happy and 300 lbs, bring it on, but I am not happy... I am miserable and uncomfortable. So now is the time. Today it all just clicked.

I don't plan to do anything other than stay in calorie range. I am not setting up a fitness plan or a running goal or anything. All I want to do is count my calories and stay in range.

So this time next week, I fully expect to be posting a "Week 1 WeightLoss" blog. :D

Spark on Sparklers.