An accountability confession:
UGLY: I haven't been Sparking much, since March. I've been struggling with my scale, and feeling frustrated and ashamed. I long for the old days, when a bad week meant my scale hadn't budged, or I had only lost 1 pound. These past few months, If I got on the scale at the end of the week, and I hadn't gained, I was actually doing a happy dance. The frustrating part... It wasn't because I had "fallen off" that mythical wagon. In fact, I was doing everything I could to hang on tight. Doing EVERYTHING that used to work, eating Whole30 or Paleo clean and working out like it was my job; but it just wasn't working anymore. By the end of May, I felt like jumping off that stupid wagon, and letting it run over me.
BAD: Over that same period of time, I started struggling with other issues too... indigestion after most meals, insomnia, or waking up at 3 a.m. and not being able to fall back to sleep, fatigue, mental fog, forgetfulness, muscle stiffness, and visible muscle swelling around my knees, ankles, forearms and wrists. Needing Spanks to fit into my sweats was frustrating, but needing help to get off the floor after a workout was frightening; so in June, I finally went to the doctor.
GOOD: I've been assigned to my primary care provider for over five years, but had never even met her, because before these issues, the only doctor I've needed to see was my OB/GYN. So, when I asked for help, I wasn't sure what to expect. Well, as it turned out, my PCP is fabulous! She spent a lot of time with me. She made me feel heard, not judged, and she was extremely empathetic. Maybe because she's in her early 50's and struggles with weight too. Anyway... She ordered a zillion blood tests, and was able to rule out a lot of scary things, like lupus, arthritis, and Cushing's etc. In addition many of the normal health markers doctors usually check were great, including my blood pressure, and resting heart rate, but my lipid panel was freaking FABULOUS! --- Take that paleo critics! It IS sugar and grains NOT fats or red meat that cause high LDL and triglycerides.
The bad results... My thyroid panel was abnormal. My FSH, Estradiol, & LH levels all indicated menopause, which instantly made me feel OLD! And, despite the fact that I'd been taking a daily calcium supplement, which contains 1000 iu's of Vitamin D. I was vitamin D deficient! According to my doctor, vitamin D is extremely important and a deficiency can cause A LOT of different issues, including thyroid disfunction, muscle pain, insulin resistance, fatigue, depression, and infertility, just to list a few. And apparently, it's more difficult than you might think to make vitamin D, naturally. Who knew?
PRESENT: My doctor currently has me taking 10,000 iu's of vitamin D a day, and I'm feeling A LOT better. Unfortunately, it hasn't alleviated all of my muscle issues. So the next step is an appointment with a Rheumatologist. In the meantime, at my doctor's suggestion, I've implemented major changes to my "healthy" eating. I've had to eliminate some of my favorite veggies including sweet potatoes, broccoli, and cauliflower (which have been staples, since going Paleo) because they contain goitrogens and thiocyanates that can disrupt normal thyroid function. Due to the insulin resistance, caused by my lower estrogen levels and vitamin D issues, I've been told to restrict my sugar intake, which includes high sugar fruits. I know that most of us believe that a healthy lifestyle SHOULD include sweet treats, because we don't want to EVER feel deprived. (Maybe that's because research has shown that sugar is as addictive as heroin.) But, the truth is dealing with this health scare has dramatically changed my perspective. Right now I feel like I DESERVE to be healthy, to feel good, and to be pain free. So, my current mantra -- nothing tastes as good, as healthy feels. Lately, I've also been watching YouTube videos to help me not want to eat sugar. My favorite slightly technical one ... FAT CHANCE: Fructose 2.0 www.youtube.com/watch?v=
A less technical one, if you're not into the science is THE SECRETS OF SUGAR www.youtube.com/watch?v=
So whether like it or not, my body has changed, and I have to accept that from this point forward, to reach my goals, I will need to work much harder than before to see any results; but that's ok. Everything changes, and this is just a new phase in my life and in my journey, a new opportunity to practice Self-love. Including Self-love Step #6: Forgive yourself. Practice being less hard on yourself when you make a mistake. Remember, there are no failures, if you have learned and grown from your mistakes; there are only lessons learned.
It's been a struggle, and has taken a lot longer than I thought, but now, with these new changes to my program, I'm finally moving forward again. Three pounds down, but unfortunately, I now have 25 to go.
JULY CHALLENGE: Stop the madness and take care of myself. No excuses. No exceptions.
30 DAY NUTRITION GOAL: Complete another Whole30. Eating Whole30 clean will give me more energy, help boost my immune system, and the structure of the program, will help eliminate the residual sugar cravings. Today is day 7.
30 DAY FITNESS GOAL: With my muscular issues, exercise is even more important than ever. My doctor said, "Move it or lose it." You don't have to tell me twice. I love fitness. I've re-started Tracy's Metamorphosis program, which includes muscle restructuring and dance/rebounder cardio. I know, Tracy doesn't like you starting over, but one battle at a time. Today is day 1 of Level 2. I'm doing the ab and arm workout from Tracy's Mat Workout DVD, just to get in some extra arm work. Oh, and I've also started the Rip 60 program, which is an 8 week program similar to TRX. Today is week 2 day 1. www.youtube.com/watch?v=
I also walk at least 45 minute twice a day with my dog. My Sunday active rest day, includes, walks, swimming, hoop practice, and Yin yoga.
To all my SP friends, thank you for being a constant source of inspiration & support, and for helping to hold me accountable. Without having to answer to you, I probably would have given up this time.