Sadness needs Couch to 5k

I keep wanting to get out for a run and I SWEAR tomorrow is the day. I told my spouse it needs to be the day too. I fear I am getting postpartum depression and one way I have been able to combat my GAD and depression is by good nutrition and exercise. Sadly being pregnant threw me off my course and hormones and extreme lack of sleep in the mix just make everything worse so I need to do what I can and at this point to try to regulate it. In the past running has been an exceptional way to combat my blues. Granted postpartum blues/depression are probably different but I think this is a good start.

I redownloaded the couch to 5k program onto my phone that I previously used for running and I have tons of music on my phone to listen to while I do it. It will be hard to find the time to get fitness back into my schedule but I just have to for both my mental sanity but also for my self esteem and budget. I am about 30 pounds away from my prepregnancy weight and I do not have the money to buy new clothes being so "unnormal" with myself is taking a toll. I worked so hard the year previous to my pregnancy to get in shape and get into an emotionally and mentally happy place so the feelings I have now are so difficult to deal with.

I know I need strength training as well. It is so vital to a fitness routine. I plan on getting out my JNL Fusion that I owned and used when I found out I was pregnant (and loved!) and using some of them until I start Piyo which I ordered when I was pregnant.

There are parts of me that don't want to go back to work and then other parts long for the regulation and order it will put back into my life. I'm so tired during the day and can't sleep at night and I'll miss my little man so but I can regulate my eating again and not have the kids or spouse having so much impact on certain choices with food. It will allow me to be up during the day which will make it easier to fall asleep at night. I will have adult interaction again and need to make myself presentable which I have seen in the past month helps my motivation a bit. It will give me time limits which I know forces me to be more restrictive with my time which in turn I end up getting more done. Funny that less time yields more progress but what can I say other than I'm a procrastinator.

I need to be more up to talking to my boyfriend about how I am feeling. When someone feels this extremely down it is important to talk to someone about it. I just wanted to do everything right, to be the one he could look at and just think I had it all together and was such a great mom to our son and parts of me just feel like I am failing in every area other than bonding and feeding him (I strictly pump and little man hasn't had an ounce of anything other than breast milk). The first few weeks I did find but the last three have been awful.

I'm sure this blog is all over the place just as my emotions are. I'm really hoping that adding some fitness will help.

Update: I didn't run today. I chose a nap and then kids BUT I did decide to start JNL Fusion. Not only did I make the decision but I pushed play and have completed day one! The next eight weeks are mapped out