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I remember when...

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

I remember being at a real low. Not feeling like doing anything, not wanting to go anywhere, talking to anyone or seeing anybody. I remember living in WISHES but not doing anything to make them come true. I remember pretty well closing all of the blinds and living in the confines of my home, doing the same things day in and day out. Eat, drink and be Dreary!
I would replay over and over and over again, the bad things that had happened several years before and leading up to the day I found SP.
I shared this before, but there she was...GRANJERRY! , smiling at me from her SPARK PAGE! I can't recall how it was her page I landed on, but I am forever grateful for that moment in time. Instantly I reached out to her, said I needed to be friends with her, that she spoke volumes to me just from her smile and her eyes. That beautiful smile, those beautiful eyes. She has adopted me as one of her many grandchildren and I have adopted her as my grandmother. A match made in heaven. I love you Granjerry and I owe you a letter lol!

Then I met Buttonpopper and we are the best of friends, even if it is virtual, in our hearts it is real, Twesten1 and Sparky, my very first group of friends that I now consider forever friends. Twesten and I even met in person and she is beautiful inside and out! I have connected with so many other people since then and I have had nothing but great experiences. Meeting BEAN , ARKAIOS and OVERACTIVELBOW, amazing. We connect! We care and we share and we respect one another so very much.Tthere are so many others but these ladies are my constants. We touch base all of the time, not just when we blog or lose a pound.

I remember being invited onto my very first team (GREY WOLVES) and getting immediate support and encouragement from Trooper, when I wanted to quit she reminded me of the fact that I was worth the effort and that my accomplishments were great no matter how big or small. She made me feel important in some strange way. Like I mattered, what I did and what I shared mattered. I was going to quit, and she turns around and asks me to reconsider. I did!
I chose the slow road, I chose everything in moderation as in my heart of hearts, I feel that is the only way to go for me. No fights and inner turmoil, just gradual changes in my lifestyle that are bringing me to inner peace, self confidence and self love. I am happier than I have been for a very long time. I think it is because I did not put the pressure on, I did not compare myself to others, as I often have in the past. Their program, is just that, their program. Some of my friends have done amazing and the physical changes phenomenal. I am happy for them, excited for them but in no way jealous of them. They have worked hard, they did what they needed for them. ARKAIOS (Karen) I love you and you impress the socks off of me! I adore you! I can list so many names but I would like to move on. So to all my other friends...you are awesome and I am grateful to have shared this journey with you.

Because of all of these things, and I know you don't start sentences with because..hahaha. Because of all of you and these rewards I am in the world of the LIVING. I am living proof it is not all about the weight but losing it (25 pounds) has contributed to my acceptance of me. I admit, it is an important factor in my happiness but to my surprise it was not the most important. The most important factor for my happiness is TO BE IN TOUCH! I shun the world, to my detriment. I punished myself for things I did not do but took on the burden of owning them. WHY? Who knows, but I remember when that was a truth. I didn't plan it, I didn't think it, I just did it. I owned other peoples stuff. I now know, I need to deal with my stuff, I need to take responsibility for my life and make changes for me, to me, not anybody else.

I saw myself in the mirror today, but I saw something new. Or at least something that seemed to have vanished which I chalked up to aging. It was life in my eyes, a glow in my skin, a softness of my overall facial expression. Sounds conceited I know, but I'm not. I just liked what I saw and I like how I feel and I like the energy I have, the drive I have once again, the excitement of wondering what lies ahead as I pack up those boxes and say good-bye to this life as I knew it and hello to going forward with my new life in London Ontario. My husband and I are rediscovering all of the reasons we love being together, perhaps because I am letting him in again, perhaps because I know I am lovable and that it is me that he wants to spend his life with.

SP has been the best medicine for my soul and I want to say thank you to all of my friends here. I want to tell you that this journey is worth it and that sharing it with you is awesome! I love celebrating your victories and being there when you feel you need support, just as you so graciously have been there for me. Thank you! Muwahhhhhhh


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • A_RARE_BEAN
    I'm so very happy for you. This kind of transformation is the one that makes all the difference. Weightloss whilst obviously great is not a fix all and doesn't always equal happiness and this can be a rude awakening when people hit goal and wonder why they aren't 'satisfied' or why life is kinda 'still the same'. Finding your happy along the way is so precious and honestly what I feel a life transformation is all about.

    You are such a bright spirit Nora and you always make me smile, so I can't imagine what it was like for you before as all I see is a vibrant, giving, funny, OPEN, and loving person before me and I'm so glad I got to know the revived and revitalised Nora as you're presence and place in my spark family is so very important and special to me!

    I'm so glad for you that your soul is alive again, and here's to a wonderful new life in London! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2207 days ago
  • BLUECAFE
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    I can relate to this in so many ways. I'm glad our paths have crossed.

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    2208 days ago
  • LIVINHEALTHY9
    Such a beautiful, from the heart blog.
    Your positive outlook and energy is contagious.

    All the best on your move to a new place and a new chapter in your life.

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    2208 days ago
  • BUTTONPOPPER1
    I love all your blogs, Nora, but I especially love the ones, like this, that move me to... chill bumps!! Okay, I'm a little teary-eyed, too, but the chill bumps reflect my feelings more accurately--you've shared an account of a very important transformation in your life, or what some might even call a rebirth, a kind of miracle. There is nothing more powerfully moving to me than to hear of those who were once in the depths of despair but who somehow found a way out. I've discovered that people whose paths lead to hell and back are people I want to know, whose wisdom, courage, and compassion are always such an inspiration to me. (Not to mention the fact that I LOVE your sense of humor!)

    I feel the same way about you, Nora. I met you very soon after joining the community here last May, and I have treasured your friendship EVERY SINGLE DAY since coming upon your blog about the Groupon coupons to the fried fish restaurant that your husband unwisely brought home just as you were starting your weight loss journey! How far we've all come since then--you with your weight loss and newfound happiness, me with my non-weight loss (soon to change) and my newfound happiness. Thank you so much for being my friend!
    2208 days ago
  • 75HEALTHYME
    Yes Nora, it is good to "remember when".... it helps us realize how far we have come... and the discovery that we really can do it, whatever the particular "IT" happens to be.
    I am so grateful that our paths crossed.. Keep up the good work...
    Oh, my such a nice warm sunny day we had... 6:45PM I looked out the window and what to my wondering eyes should I see. .... it is snowing... I thought it was supposed to stay warm enough that it would only be rain... so much for what "thought" did.
    Keep warm,
    Hugs, Audra
    2208 days ago
  • MSLZZY
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    2208 days ago
  • CBRINKLEY401
    I'm so glad you joined SP and I've had the fortune to get to know you. I know that you are thankful for all the encouragement you've gotten here, but I have to tell you that you are one of the most encouraging people I know. You are always there with a kind word, celebrating everyone's victories! You give so much back to everyone else!

    Thanks for sharing your sunshine with me.
    2209 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14386678
    You are simply lovely Nora....can't tell you how much I love and value you my sweet child. All the encouragement and love.....taking time out of your busy schedule to humour my ramblings.....you should always bear in mind that you are loved and remembered by me always........you are special just being you.

    Love you loads

    Grandma
    2209 days ago
  • TWESTEN1
    This is so beautiful and heartfelt and I just wish I could give you another hug! It breaks my heart to think of you in such a bad place, but now I see how you are now & it makes it all worth it (at least to me!). YOU ARE beautiful - inside and out - and such a blessing to all of US here on Spark. Your good will, your cheerleading, your excitement and happiness - wowzer - I can't imagine Spark without you :)

    I'm also super stoked for your move - to get closer to family again - to start another chapter of your life... I'm just so thrilled that it's happening at a time when you're in a good place!

    Love you, dear friend!
    2209 days ago
  • CHANCE04
    I related to so many things in this blog and it could of written many peices of it myself. I too was in that dark place and what I was feeling on the inside was self hate and I didn't feel like"me" and wasn't quite sure who that even was.
    It is completelly amazing how confidence and faith in yourself can change everything. Your relationships, your drive, your attitude... simply everything.

    I am so very proud that you found the perfect approach for YOU and have stuck with it through ups and downs. Keep going lady and as always thank you for being my cheerleader!!

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    2209 days ago
  • FORZACHANDMATT
    This is one of the best blogs ever because it shows me how important connection is and how good SP is for you!!! I am so glad you've had this great journey and met all these wonderful friends - virtually and in real life - congrats on all your successes
    2209 days ago
  • BLACK_CANARY19
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    2209 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12915013
    Look at you sweet angel girl. What an awesome journey you are on. SPF are so awesome. You are right, we all have our own journeys our won way of losing the weight. For me slow and steady as she goes. I know my body and mind need to catch up with each other sometimes so slow is the way. I know journaling is awesome tool. When I write I can look back at what worked and what didn't and how messed up my mind was at the time. So many ways we can help each other, a smile, a prayer, strong support or even strong words to keep us from pouting to much. I love to help others but have a hard time helping myself. Caregiver I guess.
    I am learning that I must take care of me first and the rest will come. I also learned that my faith has played a big role. We just never know from day to day what new things will come. Thank goodness for one day at a time. My goals are very small so I know I can reach them but I also have big ones too. Boy I can ramble.
    I wish you so much luck on your new journey and time to spend with your hubby. That is the most important in my book. You are awesome and I look forward to your blogs because you are my rock. Have a great Wednesday and pack light, less stuff to unpack.
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    2209 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14294035
    emoticon Congratulations on your journey. WTG
    2209 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/25/2015 12:54:11 PM
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.