Another go at it....
Thursday, April 23, 2015
Things haven't been the greatest for me. My poor emotions are in a roller coaster. Up down up down. But! I'm happy to report that I have two new gym pants, three new gym shirts, two new stretchy (and very comfy!) tanks for under my shirts and am ordering more, and a new pair of Nike sneakers! I went to the gym today finally!!!!!!!!!! It just took that step getting in the door again. Olivia and my husband and I are finally healthy, no excuse there! I planned on going Monday but I got a flat tire from a screw while being 40 minutes from home. It was pouring rain, strong winds and just awful. I was thankfully in the mall parking lot so I was able to take Olivia in to go to the bathroom. She was very very upset about the whole thing. She knew it was time to pick up my husband and was very upset that she couldn't. Anyway.... We went today and I feel good! (even though I almost threw up in the bathroom from pushing myself too hard! Whoops!)
We shopped and prepped a weeks worth of a meal plan today. I'm doing the Clean Eating.com 2 week meal plan. It felt good shopping for clean foods! My husband picked out the plan and didn't even complain when it listed broccoli as a snack. He said, "I won't substitute anything the first two weeks. I'll give this my best try!" Same! I'm giving it my all! I even threw out a few things from the fridge that I knew would expire this week that I didn't need to have lurking around tempting me. I feel bad throwing about food but if it's going in my mouth and I don't need it that's "throwing it away!"
I've been struggling with getting the scale to move for over a year now. But when I nearly "gave up" I gained weight fast. I'm closer to my highest weight than ever and that scares me. I don't want to go there again. I feel my depression consuming me. My anxiety attacks are back. Last time I had them I didn't have a daughter to worry about. I could just suffer through them. But now I need to get better. I need to remember how I felt when I was working out. The scale must not have been moving but I wasn't having these attacks, I was happier and I was teaching my daughter amazing things.
Speaking of which.... She has been laying on the floor and kicking her legs and saying she's "exercising." Then she's try to stand on her head and say the same thing. So she does watch me and my videos! She picks up on everything even if I'm not doing it enough. She just turned 2 the end of March and she constantly wants me to jump and run with her. This is my biggest reason for getting healthy again. I want to out jump my 2 year old. I don't want to be out of breath after jumping once. I want her to see me as healthy. I want her to be healthy.
So I'm changing. I'm not giving up even though my body wants to. I have my husband in my corner fighting for me to give it my all. I have myself willing this to be the time that fixes my plateau. And as my milk dries up from stopping breastfeeding (finally!!) my hormones will balance out and I won't have that excuse anymore. Excuses are being chucked out the window. I will find them all buried in my head and get rid of them! I will succeed this time.
I also have two amazing friends that are doing another 8 week challenge with me and I don't want to have to pay one of them $20 again! Game on!