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Finding my Way....

Sunday, June 07, 2015

It has been awhile since I have blogged......and that is okay. I have been trying to find my way back......and that has NOT been an easy task for me. Since my friend passed away back in August.....I have been lost. I have had my share of grief.....guilt.....and ....sadness.

My weight loss not only stalled....but....it too went into that gulf of the abyss. It hasn't been pretty. Every time I thought I had TRIED .....the tail spin only got worse. I tried quick fixes that only took me deeper into that hole of despair. This last one was about 10 days ago.....a cleanse. LOL! It was a cleanse alright.....I did lose 4 out of the 7 it promised, but as soon as it ended.....I ate everything in sight to make up for .....that CLEANSE of toxins!

When it was all said and done.......I took a step backwards........


and I realized......

I ........

didn't want to be this person I had become anymore.

It was alright to go forward and pick the TRUE well balanced program that would work for me....IF ....I choose to work it.


I truly DO believe in weight watchers. I do. It is balanced .....something...I truly lack......BALANCE in my life.


I also realized.....that is the right thing to do....to go on....without my friend......for yes...I do miss her....I do.......for the longest time...it was hard for me to acknowledge the fact.....she is gone. Then it was hard for me.....to FEEL how DIFFERENT things were......now that she is gone. NOW...I realize...it is ALRIGHT to GO ON...now that she is gone.

And she is....she is.......

but..in so many ways....she is still here....with me...in my mind and in my heart. I also get PENNIES from HEAVEN from my friend. SEVERAL PENNIES.

The most recent...I was feeling so down...and I got a TEXT with a ton of pictures included. Alice's granddaughters....the TWINS....their husbands...and Waymon (alice's husband).....took a bunch of pictures of Waymon's new place. They were waving and explaining...showing me the new layout.



I WAS TOUCHED. .......and.......I felt WHOLE.


I searched deep inside.........and did major soul searching.

I could .....go on......not move on.....but GO on. Alice would want me to do that. I would be FURIOUS with her....if the situation was reversed for us. I would want her to value life....and .....KNOW that one day...we shall see one another once again.

SO....


I am TRULY back at weight watchers once again. NO MORE GAMES.

My active link challenge ended this weekend....and...I reset my Week for weight watchers to coincide with Tuesday meetings. It holds me more accountable and gives me something .....to feel PROUD of. I had switched to Sundays for Alice since she could not go to her meetings due to her broken ankle. I could never change Sunday till now. I felt....like I was betraying my friend by doing so. Now....I .....know she would want me to be successful...and .....she would cheer me on...even though our week was different. ....and ...HEY ....let's face it....she is now at GOAL! whereas....I am not.

I went ahead and got my 12 week journal ready......and....the irony of it all.....The next 12 weeks...starts on September 1st.....I LOVE IT.

SO......I decorated my journal...with the SUMMER THEME.






I...also decided to have FUN with SUMMER as well. Alice and I use to have FREGGIE of the month. We would take turns ...picking out a FREGGIE that we have not tried before.......and...if we had....then....different ways to PREPARE it. We use to have TONS of laughs with our FREGGIE. We did.

For JUNE....it is parsnips
.......and an added bonus of artichoke. My good friend Susie was talking about artichokes.....and I have NEVER had one...so today....I bought one to TRY.

With dinner tonight......I did roasted root veggies with my potatoes. I had parsnips...and carrots. I.....liked it. Tomorrow...will try the artichoke.

and......I cannot tell you....how much.....I smiled preparing our dinner. ...and....how satisfied.....I was to EAT it.


I do have goals for the NEXT twelve weeks......but....the main one...is to HAVE FUN......I miss FUN. I miss laughing.......I miss smiling...and feeling.....good about ...life...myself.

I lost my way for so long......and it took even longer to find my way back......

I am here.....

and......I am working on my program.......weight watchers.......and......

it is not that I am confident....for I am no fool either..........

but....I AM HERE.....

TO STAY..

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • GRLTAZ
    If I could come up there, I would give you the biggest tightest hug ever !! So very proud of you working through your feelings and pushing on even though you may not feel like it that moment. I love your idea of trying new veggies and I am a little lax on the veggie intake. Love my fruit though (darn sweet tooth). How awesome to get those pennies (little moments) from Alice. She is and always will be a fantastic friend and soul mate. Push on friend for we all want to see you meet your health goals.
    1963 days ago
  • CHALLENGER15
    emoticon
    1965 days ago
  • FLASUN
    emoticon Mary!!!! I know Alice is watching over you and saying how "PROUD" she is and grateful she had you as her friend. LOVE the look of your journal!!! Keep on going........keep at that WW........and just know............ emoticon emoticon Janice
    ps. YOU know anytime you need to talk to someone I'm HERE!!!!! emoticon
    1965 days ago
  • HEARTOFCHRIST
    Alice would be proud of you
    1965 days ago
  • PRNCSCUP1-2FULL
    Welcome Back Mary!! I am so proud of you!! Alice is proud of you too!! You are right. I know she would want you to press on and reach your goal! I love you are continuing y'all's tradition of a new freggie each month! I've never tried a parsnip yet, but I love artichoke hearts!! I love artichokes, but too much work for Princess Melissa! I buy the canned hearts in water and rinse the sodium off and eat them every which way!

    I need WW. I cannot do this without their program and I have you and Alice to thank for getting me to go back! I have great meetings with a great bunch of ladies! And, Phillip III is serving me well!!

    Welcome back! I'm glad you are here!!
    1965 days ago
  • HOLDINGMYOWN
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1965 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    Proud of you and I know your dear Alice would be too! Glad you're back.
    1965 days ago
  • MARINGAL
    I grew up with artichokes. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.
    1965 days ago
  • PEGGYO
    Welcome back!!
    1965 days ago
  • BETH4SUCCESS
    Great blog
    1966 days ago
  • SLIMMERJESSE
    It has been such a similar process for me as well; you've stated it so eloquently.
    1966 days ago
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