May 12 "About Me" -for personal reference =)

Posting my past "About Me" from May 12, 2015 for my reference on looking back so I can see where I've been and the places I can go. I'm ready to move past these thoughts, feelings and energy that have enveloped my world since my divorce, so removing this from my front page and starting fresh. =)





May 12, 2015 entry:

"It's been 5 years since I've been active on Spark (and life in general) so I'm exploring the site again and trying to get used to all the new things. I saw a lot of the friends I had were long gone and groups inactive, so I'm looking forward to "starting over" with new groups and friends, I hope!

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I logged in once in 2012 and uploaded a picture of my weight loss with the intention to get back into things. However, life took a turn and I went through a divorce and a lot of personal loss. I tried to handle it all the best I could with what I had/knew (the euphoria of the weight loss cushioned the reality of things GREATLY). By 2013 I had lost a total of 123 pounds.

My divorce became final that spring and life kinda fell apart for me. I've gained back 43 pounds, lost "me" and 2 years of time being isolated from paralyzing fear, shame and guilt, blaming myself for every single bad thing that has happened. All the while allowing other peoples opinions and actions to control my thoughts.
I've spent most of my life abusing myself; taking up where others left off, and to be honest, I'm just tired....deep in my bones tired, and really want a change. I remember how much I got from this site years ago and how safe it felt here. So this is where I'm starting to reach out and be part of the world again.

I realize this has a doom and gloom undertone to it, but it's more of a releasing, a beginning, and a hope for better things to come."