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May 12 "About Me" -for personal reference =)

Monday, August 24, 2015

Posting my past "About Me" from May 12, 2015 for my reference on looking back so I can see where I've been and the places I can go. I'm ready to move past these thoughts, feelings and energy that have enveloped my world since my divorce, so removing this from my front page and starting fresh. =)

May 12, 2015 entry:

"It's been 5 years since I've been active on Spark (and life in general) so I'm exploring the site again and trying to get used to all the new things. I saw a lot of the friends I had were long gone and groups inactive, so I'm looking forward to "starting over" with new groups and friends, I hope!


I logged in once in 2012 and uploaded a picture of my weight loss with the intention to get back into things. However, life took a turn and I went through a divorce and a lot of personal loss. I tried to handle it all the best I could with what I had/knew (the euphoria of the weight loss cushioned the reality of things GREATLY). By 2013 I had lost a total of 123 pounds.

My divorce became final that spring and life kinda fell apart for me. I've gained back 43 pounds, lost "me" and 2 years of time being isolated from paralyzing fear, shame and guilt, blaming myself for every single bad thing that has happened. All the while allowing other peoples opinions and actions to control my thoughts.
I've spent most of my life abusing myself; taking up where others left off, and to be honest, I'm just tired....deep in my bones tired, and really want a change. I remember how much I got from this site years ago and how safe it felt here. So this is where I'm starting to reach out and be part of the world again.

I realize this has a doom and gloom undertone to it, but it's more of a releasing, a beginning, and a hope for better things to come."
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I hope that this round of SP has been a healthier experience for you. I can't wait to hear of all your progress and successes moving forward in the Spring 5% challenge!
    1760 days ago
    I am so happy that you have signed-up to become a Dawg. We take care of our own and support each other all the way.

    I haven't been divorced, but I know what that deep in your bones tired is like. Learning to put yourself first is a hard lesson, but it's worth every step!
    1970 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/24/2015 10:34:20 PM
    Nothing better than a fresh start! You've taken your first step! Only good things to come! You are a strong person..You've got this!
    1971 days ago
  • B-N-ME
    You are not alone!! You are worth all it takes to get you back on your feet!
    Lift your head high, be proud, you ARE a winning!!
    We are going to conquer not only the weight issues but those feelings emoticon

    1971 days ago
    Traumatic events, divorce is WAY UP there,,,,, have a way of sucking the life out of us.

    Than once the shock starts to wear off,,, we try to rebuild our lives.. I'm not sure if you have gone into therapy? I have done so, it's helped.

    With the negative talk,,, it helps if we think of someone we dearly love,,, would we say these things to them??? Most likely NOT, so why treat the person we should love so dearly,,,ourselves this way???? Hopefully now when you start those negative thoughts,,, this will pop into ur mind,,,with practice,,,,it's amazing how it helps.

    1971 days ago
  • GAYLEP1957
    I too let life keep me away fro SP for too long. You can become the best "you" you can be, one step a a time. emoticon
    1971 days ago
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