It's not fair!!!! Does that sound a little whiney??? It sure is! It's something I've told myself MANY times. Especially growing up with a sister who is always trying to GAIN weight! People would always say, "You look exactly like your sister!" and my response is always, "Except she's skinnier and prettier!" My sister would be so mad if she heard me say that! I guess I just wanted to make sure I acknowledged the obvious in case any actually thought I was oblivious.
These are negative, self-sabotaging thoughts! And they end!
How about, "Thank you! I consider that a compliment!"
I actually chose this title because my son and I are going to the county fair today. I have recently become aware that the way to happiness is to do the same things I loved doing as a kid. Now that I have been single for a while and am making a little more money so that I'm not completely broke all the time, I am actually thinking about what I like to do and what makes ME happy. I thought it would be horrible to be single for longer than my grieving period. I never have been before. I would think, "It's not fair that some husbands stick around for so much more than I ever did!" "It's not fair that some people don't have money struggles." "It's not fair I don't get to be the mom I dreamed of because of joint custody." "It's not fair I've been though so much heartache."
One of my favorite sayings is, "Be kind. For everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." I often give this out to consultants at work when they are at a point that they are starting to get frustrated with mean or entitled customers. The point is that everyone has their story.
Everyone has their struggles. My sister? People went right up to her and said horrible things! "Are you anorexic? Why don't you gain some weight?" "You'd look a lot better if you gained a few pounds." Can you imagine? If a stranger or an acquaintance came up to me and said, "Do you eat everything in site? Why don't you lose some weight?" I would be soooo upset! Imagine how my sister felt after hearing that over and over again?
Come to find out she was jealous of me and I was jealous of her. What a lot of wasted feelings!
My point is, focus on the positives. That is what I constantly strive to do. I am thankful for my health and that I face normal weight loss issues. I don't have extra physical burdens on top of it. (I do have a hip problem so have to be careful what exercise I do, but there is still a lot I CAN do). My money struggles have taught me to be creative and the importance of budgeting and to appreciate little things. My joint custody allows my free time without guilt. I spend entire weekends with friends and can sign up for classes on some days without worrying about abandoning everyone at home. My divorce allows me to do some deep discovery and a fresh start rather than being in a marriage that brings me and my loved ones down. Could I focus on the other side of these situations? The negative side. Sure could! Been there, done that! Where does it get me? Nowhere! My kids see a negative, self-absorbed mom who is crying and depressed and laying on the couch all the time. Wasting the precious time I DO have with them! When I started seeing someone, he got sick of the downer attitude. I was always focused on him , what would make him happy, what he wanted to do. I would get frustrated that there was no time to work on my goals. But he never asked for that. Actually every relationship and both my divorces are because I focused so much on them, that I let myself go. I'm not saying physically, but emotionally and mentally. And I'm not saying don't think about others. But find the balance.
Be fair to yourself while being fair to others!!!!
As I hang out a lot with my 9 year old, since my teens are, well, teens, I am really discovering my inner child more. The positive one. ( I spent a lot of time focusing on the bad times to figure out why I struggle). Listening to music in the car on a recent road trip, I remembered one of my habits as a pre-teen and teenager. For years I danced in front of my mirrors to music. Tapes, lol! That was my exercise. We lived in the woods. I hated public exercise because I was shy. School sports and gym class were OUT of question (I almost didn't graduate because I tried to get out of gym class!). So I thought, why can't I do that now? I do belong to a gym but it's a hassle to get there sometimes. I buy exercise videos but find them tedious. I am VERY type B. So that's what I started doing! Dancing in my room, whatever moves I feel like! And it makes me HAPPY. I also loved riding my bike and swimming. The GREAT thing is that these are all things my 9 year old loves too!
So today, we are off to the fair. We will have a blast. We will do lots of walking and maybe I'll let myself have a fair treat. I probably will. I'll have a good breakfast and bring some healthy snacks, like the adult Mom in me. But I am going to also be just another kid with my kid. I said to him one night,"Wouldn't it be so cool if I could be 9 again? And we could hang out together?" So, why not? My 9 year old self is still here! She's within me! So while my 39 year old self will keep us safe and somewhat healthy and pay for everything, my 9 year old self is going to giggle with giddiness on the rides, try to win a prize and probably share an elephant ear with Braden. We won't worry about what time we have to be home, how much laundry there is or what is on the agenda next week.
We will just let go and have fun! I can't wait!