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Making me important to me

Monday, October 05, 2015

I haven't been doing well. My focus is off in every area of my life and I started taking medication to help me with what they said was mild bipolar disorder. It helped my mood but it didn't help my main concern which was focus. I am not going to keep taking a med that isn't doing what I wanted it to do, that's silly. Last Sunday I had one of the worst days of my life. I have never felt like this before. I actually felt like a waste of space and breath.
Monday while I assessed things in my life, I realized a very important area I was neglecting. I wasn’t taking care of me. I wasn’t doing a single solitary thing in my life that was good for me. I was doing tasks or at least trying to, but I wasn’t at all ever focused on Deborah. I spend plenty of time alone, but none of that time is spent on me being me, working on me, loving me. Tuesday a friend who takes art therapy suggested I get some Paint By Number Kits. I have no hobbies. This sounded like a grand idea. Something that was just about me, something I was doing just because I wanted to. Something that had no big grand plan or execution. There was no fail involved; you just did.
This morning I started my Miracle Morning Routine. It wasn’t planned. I haven’t even finished the book I started months ago. I am part of the facebook group and I will read a few posts every now and then but I never thought I would actually start doing this. Who the heck wakes up one –two hours early just to focus on themselves. Well, today, that person was me. My body decided that 4:30 was a good time to get out of bed. I am not and have never been an early riser. Today I was.
I am proud of my little sheet where I wrote my wakeup time and affirmations. One of those little things you take a picture of and share with your friends because you are excited. Now I see why they call it a Miracle Morning. I would like to have another one of these tomorrow.
The only SAVERS I haven’t finished is my exercise. I want to take a short walk, but the sun isn’t up yet.
I am going to go start my painting. I still have over an hour before the rest of the house wakes up. I feel so good right now, I could cry.
I am not going to focus on all that is wrong. I am just going to focus on the action. The things that are good for me.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MINATHERED
    It's wonderful that you're doing things for yourself. I suffer from clinical depression and just wanted to remind you that our brains lie to us about how bad things are and whether we can get through things (spoiler alert: we CAN get through even the roughest situations). Hang in there and CONGRATULATIONS on taking the time for you. You are so worth it!
    1980 days ago
  • TIKITAMI

    I love being up before everyone, watching the sun come up over the valley and getting a good workout in to start the day out right. I'm glad you took the time for you.

    emoticon
    1981 days ago
  • NEWCASTLE7B
    emoticon I am also someone who struggles with taking time for themselves. I exercised at lunch today - for the first time in a WHILE - and left feeling the same way, you don't realize how soothing caring for you is until you manage to bring it back in. Let's both keep at it, we can do this.
    1981 days ago
  • CINDYWAGNER1
    emoticon Wow! Paint by numbers, how cool Let's know how it goes....You may get us all started on that. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You have us and me...Message me on fb....I am always on. I will encourage you and support you....YOU GOT THIS!!
    1981 days ago
  • NELLJONES
    I didn't know they still made paint by numbers. It IS soothing to just fill in the blanks.
    1981 days ago
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