Making me important to me
Monday, October 05, 2015
I haven't been doing well. My focus is off in every area of my life and I started taking medication to help me with what they said was mild bipolar disorder. It helped my mood but it didn't help my main concern which was focus. I am not going to keep taking a med that isn't doing what I wanted it to do, that's silly. Last Sunday I had one of the worst days of my life. I have never felt like this before. I actually felt like a waste of space and breath.
Monday while I assessed things in my life, I realized a very important area I was neglecting. I wasn’t taking care of me. I wasn’t doing a single solitary thing in my life that was good for me. I was doing tasks or at least trying to, but I wasn’t at all ever focused on Deborah. I spend plenty of time alone, but none of that time is spent on me being me, working on me, loving me. Tuesday a friend who takes art therapy suggested I get some Paint By Number Kits. I have no hobbies. This sounded like a grand idea. Something that was just about me, something I was doing just because I wanted to. Something that had no big grand plan or execution. There was no fail involved; you just did.
This morning I started my Miracle Morning Routine. It wasn’t planned. I haven’t even finished the book I started months ago. I am part of the facebook group and I will read a few posts every now and then but I never thought I would actually start doing this. Who the heck wakes up one –two hours early just to focus on themselves. Well, today, that person was me. My body decided that 4:30 was a good time to get out of bed. I am not and have never been an early riser. Today I was.
I am proud of my little sheet where I wrote my wakeup time and affirmations. One of those little things you take a picture of and share with your friends because you are excited. Now I see why they call it a Miracle Morning. I would like to have another one of these tomorrow.
The only SAVERS I haven’t finished is my exercise. I want to take a short walk, but the sun isn’t up yet.
I am going to go start my painting. I still have over an hour before the rest of the house wakes up. I feel so good right now, I could cry.
I am not going to focus on all that is wrong. I am just going to focus on the action. The things that are good for me.