Sunday, April 10, 2016
I have had problems with food my entire life. and I was gained and lost so many times it is unreal...when I first got on sparks I called myself yo-yo queen because that is who I was.
the last four yrs I had given up on weight lose. I was up to 198 pounds and I would get up take my daughter to school and come home and sleep. I would get up about 1pm and eat but stay on the couch. i would pick my daughter up and be with her. when her dad came home i would cook dinner and eat it and than go t sleep on the couch until my hubby and daughter would go to bed. than I would start to eat and not stop. that was my life for a long time.
i have an estranged daughter i have not seen for four yrs and also nto seen my grandkids that long. it about broke me..but it has helped me more than I could ever say. I got to the point i wanted to just flat give up on life, but than I have a daughter who is seven and I needed to be here for her.
I am a nurse, but no longer work, to be a stay at home mom. so i know some about nutrition. but oneday I started researching depression and causes for it. I came accross article after article on processed food. sugar, white flour, fired foods. and it made me ponder on could my depression be caused by what I ate??? the thought had never occured to me before. as I studied this one thing became clear also was that foods can be addictive. these foods that cause depression. I never thought of my problems with food could be an addiction.
I also thought ok a alcohlic can walk away from alcohol. just not go the bar, same with drug addicts etc. but how do you not eat?? how do you deal with food addiction...I looked into the OA program and started attending the meetings by phone or on line.
as I heard people talk I realized my issues with food was an addiction. I knew I was at a point i could nto stop. it was not a bad habit. Every time I was upset I would eat. and as I did so I felt the spirit of the Lord less and less. I have been active 29 yrs out of the 30 I have been a member. I have held a temple recommend most of that time. I have worke din family history for 27 yrs and I have felt the spirit allot though that.
it never occured to me that as i stuffed food in my mouth and stuffing how I felt. the way the spirit talks to me was not getting through either. i heard story of where people would hide food. and would buy it without telling others. and oh my word. it was me I would buy candy and hide it so noone would know. I once faught with my hubby over a bag of chips.
so I started on a healthy meal plan, I started working the steps in the ARP program and i got through all 12 steps. I live in east TN and we do not have but one ARP meeting. few people go to it.. i prefer the phone meetings as I get more out of it and I do not have to go anywhere. I volunteered to start a women group in our area. but it would take so much work to get the word out. I just gave up on the idea. but i got an email the other day a christian 12 step program is going to start 5 miles from my house. and they need leaders etc.. I have not fully decided what to do yet. but I am going thur to hear what they have to say...
the ARP can work for any addiction..that is true but i found I needed support and someone to help me when i needed a listening ear. I have reached my goal weight and have kept it off since oct but I know if I eat one cookie one chip. one piece of bread i can nto stop... so i do not take the first bite...
themost important thing i have learned though is i forgave my daughter, my mother and i accepted them as they are, but more important i began to live in the present and i began for the first time in my life to accept myself for who I am . and iI learned it is ok to be imperfect and human.
just me ginger