Hello there , it is me Malexander4 here. I have been away for quite some time. Oh I log in each day, I spin the wheel, check in with two of my teams, I've even done a challenge or two. But the reality above that is once I leave my computer I leave my plans in the dust. You see I have been walking this path for so very long and a yellow brick road it is not. I have not been happy for quite some time. It is due mainly to me and my not sticking with any plan at this point. Oh I've tried them all, Spark, My Fitness Pal, Atkins, Weight Watchers, and guess what? None of them have stuck.
I just feel like maybe I have nothing left to give myself. I have let myself down so very many times over the years, and have nothing to show for it for money spent on plans, gadgets, tools, scales, weight loss pills, doctors visits and most of all my sanity. Because lets face it deep down it is all about the sanity that we lose when we feel like we have done all that is possible to step on the scales and see nothing, nada, zip, Zilch. Or worse to know you cheated your way through the week and it is weigh in time and you step on those scales hoping beyond hope that maybe just maybe that one or two good days you had will help you to see a loss. Well that is isn't going to happen and you know it deep down but you have this wish that you are wrong.
So really when is the time right to begin? I don't mean to keep going, I don't mean to finish, hell I mean to just begin and maybe get past
and actually see a
on your day two. I haven't seen that in so long. Oh I tend to head to my old teams and I still follow along with the challenges, the questions, and the threads. But in truth i'm lying to them and myself most of all. I see my Spark friends losing and my tracker stays the same. I see them planning, cooking, and exercising and i'm over here like " yeah it was a bad day give me cookies". Well it isn't working. and truthfully I never thought it would. I just haven't had the gumption to get up off my "%^ and get it done.
So again I have to ask myself "when is the time right Michelle?"
Only I can pick the right time. Only I can see this through.