no team player

"if you don't like something, change it.
If you can't change it, change your attitude. - calm reflections by Jo Ryan

I have done a few challenges on Spark now and I wanted expand my horizon and start something more or something different , I don't know... looking over the calendar it seemed do-able. Now, 6 days in I am not so sure. I hate feeling this way. I know I have limits, physical limits and when I try to overcome them some, I get to where I push myself a little. While most of us need that little push, me included... I forget sometimes to take my body and its limits in consideration. That's when I want to turn and run, give up, crawl under a rock and hide. I want my body to do what its suppose to do, but forget when I feel great, that it's not like that any more. I hurt and wear the braces, I try to do everything everyone else does and can't keep up. On the day of my highest achievement yet..... I lost 30 lbs. since I started and a good part of that since I started here on "Spark" ... yet I fail miserable because I forget to do what is right for me. I want to compete with everyone here... do better, do more, get the highest points. That is where I failed. It's not about me any more it's about winning, being better, being someone else. It is not me! And That Stops now! Have fun everyone, I'm out of the race!


From here on on out I do everything for me and myself. I will work out when I feel fit and when I can move I'll do a lot, but when I hurt I will rest. I will monitor my meals because I like that part a lot. And I will eat right and count my glasses of water, because I would miss this. I will record my stats and my measurements because it will give me a way to see progress for myself, but I will no longer choose a challenge that is not right for me. Oh, wow, that feels so much better. All day I was kind of depressed and feeling down, because when I opened my computer this morning I had three challenges on the list and I knew I could not do one of them. today was not the first time I felt like that. Sorry I can no longer be one of the teams, but hopefully I can remain someone's friend. I truly believe in Spark and it's community, just not the challenges. They are not right for me and go against my nature. I am not a competing person. I am a butterfly and much rather visit and follow along ... as long as we are heading in the same direction I'm along for the ride.

Again in the reflections of Jo Ryan... we can try to avoid making choices by doing nothing.... but even that is a decision.