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The Summer of my Content.....

Saturday, May 28, 2016

Since last June I have been working on myself....and pretty much by myself. To be honest, I needed that time. I did. I had gained so much weight after the passing of a good friend. My grief and guilt overwhelmed me. I become slightly distant from others for I was afraid. SO....I gained. Then in June, I started small and actually by accident. A new three month journal was about to be started. I looked at it for the longest time and promised myself that I would actually use it for the day other than breakfast and a few lunches. My intent was always there each day, but by evening's end I too ended.....and so was my tracking and caring.

Since June of 2015....I have lost 26 pounds. That isn't a stellar performance, but the amount has added up. A good friend joined wws in February of 2016. She thanks me for being there for her. Truth be known, my friend Pamela was there for me more so.

In time...I have learned about myself. I understand...know.....and am slowly changing myself into being the person I wish to be. It has not been easy and it is a learning process. I understand healthy eating...portion control...etc. I just had to work on me and my downfalls and how to combat and slowly change my habits and routines.

I haven't been on a sparks team since Alice's passing. I tried, but, I wasn't ready. Yes...I have a friend's team for chatting, but not....a challenge team for improving one's self.

Recently, friend Sharon sent me an invitation to rejoin her group. I didn't respond right away. Was I ready? Would I let the team down? Wasn't worried so much as me the person, but I wanted to be a good teammate and friend. I was conflicted. Was I ready? Could I do this? Solitude is a safe place. My safe place.

I accepted.

and in stages, I started preparing to be .......apart of a group. I talked at lengths with good friend Heather. She never let me go when I became distant. She is rather a persistent pesky friend....and for me....how lucky I am to have her!

Sometimes...change is good. I decided to go ....100% into this.

It started today. Before pics were optional. I have never done before pics. Why,....I have never done any pics...not even on FB.

I did before pics.

I also....changed my wws week ....to...Saturday to Friday. I have never done that for a group EVER. I have always used whatever my weigh in was at wws. Didn't care if I was a week ahead or a week behind in the group...I wasn't changing my weigh in day or week.

I changed it today.

and.....

I am okay with that. I waited to the last day to change it on etools...but I did it. I weighed in...and I took measurements. ....which I may add...never have done before either.

and......

I am okay with that.

I lost a friend...and I lost myself.

and now....I am ready.....truly ...ready to go forward.

It is funny......I am not afraid. I thought I would be...thought I would have regrets...but...I don't. I want to be with old friends and make new ones.

In all this time I have learned about myself and have made progress to change. It has been a slow process. Now...I am actually smiling with the realization that I will get to goal....and actually STAY there ...and be with ppl once again. The scale should move a little quicker as my heart sings a happier beat

I love Summer. I do. I love the pool...the gardens...the fresh produce....being outside.

I ...value life.....and ......good friends that never gave up on me even though...I gave up on myself.

I am......

back....

and I am ....

here.

I may not be the same....but.....that is good too.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • GOODLIL991
    Someone once told me sadness & heartache are necessary, it reminds us we are are alive. Glad you are now ready, whether slowly or full force you have support of you need it. Enjoy your day!
    1608 days ago
  • FUN2READ
    When you are ready to move forward - you will.... I am so glad that you are at this point in your life. It is not easy but you will succeed in all that you are ready to improve upon!

    Good Blog! So encouraging... emoticon
    1609 days ago
  • PAMELA984
    You have done so much to keep me on track. I've lost that first 25 - just 20 more to go! Thanks. You rock!
    1609 days ago
  • SHARONSPARKLE
    I am so glad you accepted my invitation to our challenge. You will help all of us, not just yourself. No man is an island! By reaching out and becoming a group, we all gain momentum to reach our goals. This will be a great summer and I am also one that believes Alice is looking down and smiling as she is still in our hearts! And yes, Heather is a constant and great Spark Friend to many of us!
    1609 days ago
  • HEARTOFCHRIST
    You will do awesome!
    1610 days ago
  • HOLDINGMYOWN
    I love you my wee Sis....I would never ever think of giving up on you. As much as I can talk without taking a breath ( LOL...who said that eh? ) I can also wait out till the person I love gets through...their grief and guilt....and come out on the other side a bigger ( not weigh wise...lol ) and better person.....

    All my job was....was to keep reminding you that I was always there waiting...... emoticon emoticon
    1610 days ago
  • PRNCSCUP1-2FULL
    I truly believe that Alice would want you to and encourage you to be a part of a team! to challenge yourself.... To be healthy!! I'm glad you didn't give up on yourself and are bouncing back!I am constantly inspired by you and look forward to more thoughtful, insightful blogs from you and your adventure into a healthy life! Welcome back Mary!! Yay You!!
    1610 days ago
  • PEGGYO
    I am ready. the beginning of the challenge and the beginning of my vacation

    I can do this Mary and I know that you can too.
    1610 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    Grief takes time to work thru. Your friend would be very proud of you moving forward.
    1610 days ago
  • MOMMAP676
    You are inspiring!! Keep up the good work!!
    1610 days ago
  • ROBBIEY
    Sorry for the loss of your friend. Congrats on your weight loss and I wish you continued success going forward.
    1610 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
 

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