Always moving forward
Sunday, October 23, 2016
What a year this has been. My weight this morning was exactly 200. Which is 5 more than a year ago but 8 less than 6 months ago. But what a year. I met and married Jon. We met a couple days after he lost a niece. Within 6 weeks, we both lost young friends. Just since our wedding in July, I have lost 3 aunts, my foster brother, an uncle, my children's father and had a friend experience a horrible tragedy in her family. Stress much? My husband also has experienced some deaths in his family. I guess we found each other just in time!
As I think about the life events, I also think about how it impacts my health journey. When I met Jon I lost a few pounds at first because I was nervous all the time and emotions were very high. Then I gained a bunch because we went out to eat all the time and I fell into some of his patterns. I began to lose a little after setting into things but after our wedding I stayed stagnant. All of the celebrations waged war against my efforts. Then my ex husband died, my children losing their father suddenly and tragically in a motorcycle accident. I could barely eat for a few weeks. My heart pounded like I had been working out for a week straight. I lost weight in spite of the fact that anything I did eat during this time was not healthy. Then I became numb. And I just didn't even try anymore. So now I've gained a few pounds back. But I'm depressed. And this is my conclusion. There are so many events I cannot control. There are so many things in my life that I wanted that I cannot have. There are events from the past that shape who I am, and that is a fact. But I can move forward and I can change my journey. I want to be healthy for my children. I have a lot to feel sad about but I don't want to feel sad. I don't want to do things that manifest the sadness. When I binge on cookies, I get depressed. When I make 0 healthy choices in a day, I get depressed. When I don't exercise, I get depressed. So I'm over it. I just have to keep moving forward and finding the sunshine in every day. Because that is what is important.