Feeling unimpressed with myself
Monday, July 31, 2017
I should be thrilled with my progress. I'm 30 weeks into this new lifestyle. I have lost 40 lb. I have completed a 5K run and sprint triathlon, and am doing a 10K race this weekend. I can lift more weight than I ever have. Just did a giant closet purge since more than half of my clothes don't fit at all (I have a lot of drapey things that are just more drapey, so those still work). I am seeing more of a waist, more of a chin, thinner legs, etc, than I have in years. I should be happy.
But today I feel like it all is going so slowly, and I fear so much how easily I could slip back to those old ways. I have not been super good about tracking lately, and I know I have made a lot of allowances with my diet and workout plan that I shouldn't have. Sometimes I feel like I am not pushing myself enough, and other times I feel like it is all so hard.
One of the biggest issues I am having is that I am working so hard to lose weight that I have lost many times before. It's true that the last time I was this weight was before I had children, and I know that my body is so different now after 2 pregnancies and C-sections. I thought I'd feel better once I was pre-pregnancy weight, but now I am a full 20 lb below that and I still don't feel like I've made that much progress. I yo-yoed so much before then -- will it really stick this time??
I tell myself maybe I'll feel better once I am "overweight", which is less than 10 lb away, but I don't know if I will. I thought I'd feel more of a sense of accomplishment after my triathlon. Maybe I'll feel something more after my 10K. I don't know when it is all going to kick in. Right now it is just hard to feel happy about it all.