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Another beginning

Wednesday, January 17, 2018

I have been retired now for a little over a year, and I have been traveling a lot. The photo is from the northern most part of Norway this summer. I was not gaining, but not losing either, and I knew that now that I can walk better, I should get back on the wagon. When I got home from that trip, I weighed myself, I had lost about 1 pound over the course of a year, and I thought, OK, I can get going. That was Monday. Friday, I got a call that my younger sister was found dead. I can't explain the shock, we had danced at my nephew's wedding just a month before. She was 10 years younger than me, thin and beautiful, and the life of every party. Maybe, that contributed to her demise, but I gained 10 pounds between August and November. I hate that my only response to death is eating. If someone ever figures out how to stop a screaming and shaking stomach in some way other than eating, please, tell me. Any way, I have taken a couple more trips since November, and I am down 8 pounds from where I was. I was so afraid to get on the scales today, but I made myself do it.

I keep thinking, it doesn't matter how many times you fall, only how many times you get up. BUT, the yoyo effect is terrible on my body. Not to mention my psyche. I promise myself to keep at it. I will try to stop cleaning my plate if I am satisfied. I will not clean up the rest of the leftovers when there is too much for the Corningware container. I am not a garbage disposal. No child in China will benefit from my eating. I am worth it. I refuse to feel guilty about my weaknesses, it's me. Take the good with the no so good.

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