It is more than numbers
Wednesday, March 13, 2019
Here's the thing... changing is more than just a number on the scale, the size number on my jeans, the calories I consumed, the calories I burned... Yeah the numbers matter actually they matter a lot, but it isn't all that matters.
Alright let's just break this down to a personal level because well... it's a personal journey. How can I really improve my situation if I'm not willing to look at the whole puzzle by focusing on the numbers? I can't.
I'm going through IVF. The birth control pills, then the injections, the bloodwork, the ultrasounds, the appointments, the emotions, and everything else that goes with it, including even more numbers.
I've had an intern (who has since been removed from my building) who was really impacting my life in all of the wrong ways.
I fell and irritated an ankle that I've had two surgeries on, so I'm back with activity restrictions and physical therapy appointments
Slowly I gained back 22 pounds, the holidays, the vacations, the hormones, the emotional stress, the traveling for work, and all of those life things took their toll. I have lost 6 pounds since my intern's relocation, but I sitll have work to do.
Here's what bothers me... I was still turning to food. Some chips here, some extra wine there, some going out because I didn't have the energy to cook, but I dont' think it's as bad as it was because they're small snacks not crazy binges like I used to go out and do.
In January I knew I'd gained weight backmy weigh in said so. In February I found out I lost 6 pounds because my weigh in told me so. Just by making little changes. My tracking is still sporadic and I'm trying to refocus on me and tracking and the routine that was working this time last year.
Here's what happened. My sister moved in with us. My IVF had issues and I had two minor surgeries. I had to start injections, stop them, start with new ones at different times. My routine has been changing so fast, I can't find a groove to be perfect....
BUT BUT BUT in all of that chaos, in all the mixed up routine, in all the stress from the first of January to February and now into March I lost 6 pounds... That entire time I was worried about not being perfect, not tracking the numbers, not focusing on the numbers, and all of the things that I was struggling with.... I LOST 6 POUNDS! HOW did I do that?!
I did it because I kept trying. I did it because I'd make smart choices (not all of the time, but enough to make a difference). They added up to a 6 pound loss while I wasn't focusing on the numbers. It happened because deep down I still made sure I was doing what I needed on some level. Weight loss isn't my single focus. I work full time. I have a home to maintain, two dogs, a husband, a slew of medical stuff to remember, so many appointments to track, and sometimes I'm not perfect at the SPARK part of my life. Yeah I gained back 22 pounds over the course of May-December when I was struggling with my fertility issues, the energy parasite of an intern, and everything else. But I didn't give up on me.
Since I've been back (oh yeah some of my weight loss was even accomplished while on 3 week trip for work), I have made a weekly menu every Saturday morning and we've been doing a great job sticking to the menu (except for one of my surgery days). We've been eating meals together at the table. I've been managing my morning injections and now my evening injections. That is something I'm doing right! That is something that is making my life better and it has nothing to do with numbers.
Sunday I needed some time for mysefl (my hormones have been insane) and I asked my husband to take my sister to lunch and go out for a few hours. I sat in my craft area and worked on a scrapbook and it brought me joy. I asked for what I needed and I got it. That is nothing to do with numbers!
Yeah my 6 could have been 10 if I'd been better about my numbers. I'm not saying numbers don't matter, but they aren't the only thing that matters. I need to keep learning that I matter. I'm not defined by numbers and numbers don't change me. I need to get better about tracking again and I'm looking forward to my activity level limits being increased, but each day I eat the meal plan, eat dinner at the table, and spend some time doing what matters, I'm improving. To me that is something to celebrate.