Wednesday, March 20, 2019
I'm not sure I cna put my usual optimistic spin on things right now. I just need to vent.
I'm having issues tracking. Remembering to track. I just feel overwhelmed. I'm supposed to be tracking all of my food. We're also trying to improve our financial health, so I'm supposed to be tracking all of my money. I'm going through IVF, so I'm tracking schedule/medications/and ordering medications (this also ties back to money because my insurance covers zero of the meds). We did our tax returns and we are gettig a nice refund (mainly because of our medical expenses this ties back to money and IVF). So that is something done.
I'm also trying to keep up with work, keep up with friends, keep up with appointments, and life in general. I'm falling behind in working out and falling behind in tracking my food. I just feel like a hamster spinning in a wheel and not getting anywhere.
So we're saving up for a new car and we get a call that someone is selling a CRV we're interested, but it creates more budgeting headaches. We're getting a refund, but it's going to a new air conditioner and replenishing the savings account ( I had to hit that to buy IVF meds, see the hamster wheel). I know the car is a good deal, but now just isn't the time for it. There's no gaurantee that the IVF will work and I will have to buy more meds next month. Oh and to add to it, I'm insanely hormonal because well I'm taking injections of hormones. I know some of this is just life and I know none of it is a big deal, but right now I just feel overwhelmed and like it is a big deal.
I just want a break. I know the baby will be worth it and that's pretty much what matters in all self moments. do I want the car or the baby... the baby obviously no doubt. I'm willing to do anything to have a chance to be a mom. It is just hard right now.