Monday, May 20, 2019
This was definitely not an ordinary Monday. I got up early. An electrician was coming to install a new fan and light in the gym and removing the old one that I didn't trust to run anymore after seeing what the wiring was like a few months ago. Indeed, even the electrician wasn't impressed. He got everything back into code again though, and my gym is available to me even in the late afternoons when it gets dark. While he was working on that the plumber I requested came and fixed a broken tap in my laundry room. I had thoughts today that maybe I should have just torn the house down and started again, but I couldn't do that. This was my husband's home most of his life (including when he was a kid) so taking care of it feels a bit like taking care of him.
The mail brought me a new book recommended in my grief support group. It's called "Healing a Spouse's Grieving Heart". It has 100 short chapters that cover a range of topics. It's perfect for picking up as needed to browse through, rather than reading from start to finish. In the short time I spent with it today I learned that there's a difference between grieving and mourning. What I feel inside is grief. When I express that grief to others, that is mourning. I never knew there was a distinction until I read that. My dear niece is mourning the loss of her 21yr son, her only child. She's struggling so much with her pain, but is able to mourn online in ways I'm not quite comfortable doing. As much as my own heart aches, it also aches for her. Anyway, I didn't come here to blog and mourn.
While all the work was happening, I wasn't comfortable doing the accounting I'm trying to catch up on doing. So instead I worked on logging the food that I ate last week into MyFitnessPal and then taking the information from that and updating my glucose app. Every week I get an Email that lets me know how well I did the week before... for diet, exercise and glucose readings. I really didn't think I'd get it done on time for the app to send me my weekly Email and have any actual data to read about besides my testing results. But I wanted to at least TRY to get all the information in one place because rather than feeling bad that it wasn't done, I'd feel better so I'd at least be able to see where I went off track. I really thought I had. But you know what?
Sometimes our minds lie to us. And mine was telling a great big whopper of a lie last week. I had far better glucose control and after taking into account the food I ate last week (including pizza), it wasn't so bad after all. My bloods were much more stable this past week than the week before and I didn't even did better at having fewer carbs than the week before. The only area I really didn't do all that well with was exercise. I'm not making excuses for myself but I did have to cancel an appointment last week because I'd reached my physical limit. I had a flu shot mid-week and had several days of repairs, appointments, the grief support group, etc. By Friday I was absolutely exhausted and took a rest day for myself. I've been better for it since then. My gym was occupied by the electrician today, but I did manage to reach my step count goal and another feat was I recently set my Fitbit to tell me to walk every hour for 250 steps each time... I had it set for 8hrs for a the last six months, but I changed that and added time at the beginning and end of my previous range. The idea was if I could get 8hours ALL together (not necessarily consecutively) out of the 11 hours I chose to monitor, that would be a win. Well today I got 11 hours out of 11. It's a small thing but worth celebrating.