CROUCHINGFLEA
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More Insomnia/Changing Tactics

Tuesday, June 18, 2019

I slept a little, but I may as well not have, it was wrestleless and filled with nightmares. I finally pulled my exhausted self from bed because staying in bed kept the nightmares repeating even while I was awake. Needed to get out and into a lighted room. I'm afraid there will be no cardio today, though I plan on stretching. The lack of sleep is building tension in my whole body. I think a bath is in order, but due to my seizures I have to have someone close by when I take a bath, can't ask the kids to do that and DH doesn't have the patience to sit by me while I relax in a bath. My seizure are mostly silent, the worry is I would have one and drown, so the doctor made sure to have it on the list of thing I could not do. Funnily enough, skydiving is on that list as well, lol.



Fortunately I fixed the problem at the pharmacy and they filled the correct sleep medication. Unfortunately, my husband forgot to pick it up on his way home and then didn't go back out to get it. It is literally only 10 minutes from where we live. I love him dearly, but he can be so frustrating!!! He knows how much I need sleep, it affects everything!

So, Aunt G took us grocery shopping yesterday. I will NEVER do that again, she was simply horrid to the staff! And this may sound harsh, but I have her taking me to an appointment for my daughter next week and after that I will not ask her for help, or over to the house, or out to do anything if I can help it. I have tried, so hard to be patient, to be there for her, to be the one person in the family who accepts her for who she is. But who she is, is a person who thinks the world revolves around her, thinks only of herself, does not follow through on commitments and is not supportive of others in anything positive, but will dive into anything negative. I'm tired of it. She exhausts me, both my husband and my therapist have told me I need to stay away from her, but I feel so sorry for her. I like to be there for people, I'm an empathetic person, so I alway think of how awful I would feel if I was being treated the way she is. But, she was so over the top yesterday, and several other things that have happened, I've finally decided that, for my own mental health, I need to keep contact with her to a minimum. It saddens me, but at the same time is a relief, and I feel bad for that second part.



So, my sewing 'instructor' is no longer going to be teaching me (Aunt G), so I am looking up beginner videos and videos on how to use my particular machine, as there are still two buttons that I don't understand what they do. I've read the instructions on what they do, but the words mean nothing to me, I don't speak sewing very well. I have a book on sewing, so I'll start reading on that. There is so much to learn, like the different stitches you use for different projects, all the many different kinds of material... so much to learn! If I was back home, I'd enroll at the local technical school and take sewing classes, but around here, I'll have to dig to see if such a thing even exists near to me. The local extension office may know. I have a lot of digging to do.

So, yesterday's podcast and 'class' was letting go of your fear and letting yourself dream big, and discovering what your big dream/goal is. I think I know. I don't just want to learn how to sew, I want to learn to sew so well that it looks so professional that I can sell what I make, clothes, cosplay, kind of an eclectic, fun, whimsy take on the kinds of clothes I would l love to wear and my kids would probably groan to go out in public with me, LOL. Not all of it, and I would tone it down, I do live in a small town, after all. But, my online store could reach people who are like me and see those kinds of clothes and how hard they are to find and how expensive they are and just wish it was easier to get something here in the States like that. Or for cosplay (my ODD is so into that, and perked up the moment I said I would add that to my business - which I thought of mainly for her), those are getting more and more in demand, and more and more expensive, if I can get good enough at sewing to do good with that, I could make a good income with an online store. And it is something that excites me and scares me all at the same time. I really want to do this.



It started with my Aunt L, in NM. She used to make all her own clothes, and when her husband was stationed at the Pentagon and she had to go to all the fancy officer functions, she made her own formal wear. She had ladies get mad at her for not telling her where she got her clothes because they did not believe she made them. She is in numerous 'societies' and never wears the same dress/outfit to the same society or in the same year. In fact she keeps records pinned to each one on when and where she wore things so that it doesn't happen. She is a wonderful lady, and one of the few women I know that the term 'lady' is perfect for. Though she is so down to Earth. But, I didn't get to learn to sew from her as we lived in TN, not NM. I'm a hands on learner, but we can't afford to hire an instructor, though I discovered that there are people who teach and will even come to your house to teach you. So, videos and books it is for now, and checking out if the Library or local churches have any programs. I don't have confidence in my abilities, but I'm going to learn to, and I'm not going to give up!! I may have changed tactics due to Aunt G being so problematic and dropping my sewing lessons, but, I'm not giving up!!



So, now time to get to work on today's podcast and workbook challenge, can't wait to see what I discover about myself today!! Maybe, I'll discover a nap, some sleep would be pretty awesome, that is if it is nightmare free!!

Hope you have a great day, and the energy to do all the things you need to do!!

Cheering you on!

~Flea
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LINDA!
    emoticon My mother made many clothes also. I wish that I had paid more attention to how to do more, when she was still alive. I would love to do this as a hobby.
    29 days ago
  • ASOBFALLS
    Missing you on the Challenge...10 minutes...getting started is the hard part. emoticon
    29 days ago
  • no profile photo ROSSYFLOSSY
    💪💪👍
    31 days ago
  • EMGERBER
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    31 days ago
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