Saturday, December 14, 2019
Depression is something that many people suffer with but keep to themselves. Some people are afraid to let anyone know they have depression. Sometimes, they are embarrassed or they are afraid they might not be able to get a certain job. Depression seems to get worse for some folks during the holiday season. I'm one of those people.
Depression is real in my life and has been for a very long time. I have been treated with medication and counseling for my depression; none of that stopped me from trying to end my life back in 2004. I was at an all time low. I could not imagine taking another breath. I overdosed on some medication, expecting to wake up dead. Nope, I messed that up too. Thank God, I messed that up, because I did not walk with Jesus back then. Had I ended my life, that would have been it for me. God had other plans for me.
I submitted my life to Christ in 2012. My husband died less than a year later, and all those suicidal thoughts came rush back. I daydreamed about it. I planned it. The thoughts were never far from my mind. But now I'm a Christ-follower, so I'm supposed to be able to rise above all the pain and keep going. I had to start seeing a counselor again to help work through the grief and pain. It helped keep me from going over the edge. Plus, I went back on medication for awhile. I needed the extra help.
Currently, I'm not taking medication or seeing a counselor for depression. I probably should be but I don't want to. I do okay most of the time, but holidays and remembrance days are hard for me. From about the week before Thanksgiving until after Christmas are sad and lonely for me. I miss my husband, I miss my deceased parents, I miss my old life. May 5th, my dad's birthday, until Father's day passes in June are difficult days. With Mother's Day, my husband's birthday, my mom's birthday and Father's day back to back, nearly every week has a remembrance day in it. It's almost too much for me to take.
Why am a sharing this with y'all? Because I want you to know that I'm not the only one. There are a lot of suicides during the holiday season; life is just too hard for some of us to handle. I'm really struggling to get out of bed and make the most of each day. I'm doing the best I can but I have to lean on God to get me through. Some people don't have God in their lives. Someone might decide that they just cannot face another moment. Please be watchful of those you love and check on them often, especially if they live alone.