I'm depressed. I know, tell me something I don't already know, right?
Thursday, January 30, 2020
So, ok. I'm depressed. It's frigging official. I've been in this funk for weeks, now.
So much for decreasing my lithium, right?
I haven't been sleeping--staying up binge watching Netflix. And I've had congestion--so my damn CPAP hasn't been working. I'm averaging 4 hours of sleep a day.
I ate a whole pizza today--real healthy. But I had a diet coke, so that cancels out the 3000 calorie pizza, correct?
So, I'm bloated, I feel fat, I'm tired, I'm somewhat depressed, my joints hurt, my clothes don't fit, but hey, I can share all my feeling downtrodden with my Spark buddies, right?
I generally try to end my journal entries here with some sort of message of HOPE.
I'm inclined to avoid that, today. I have a depression and bipolar support alliance meeting tonight. I was gonna stay home as my lack of self-care extends to basic things like laundry, dishes growing new species in the sink, and the stains on the toilet have begun to move--I fear they will crawl out and suck my cat, Dawson into the void. The dust bunnies under my furniture are about to have a rebellion and if Dawson has survived the toilet, will consume him whole.
The neighbors called the police about the smell--they thought someone had died. So, one neighbor came over, did a welfare check--she confirmed it. I said, "No, I'm not dead yet. I only look bloated and pasty white as I have an audition--for a fat zombie in Z Nation." The neighbor looked at me and said, "Right. You've been eating lots of pizza, haven't you." I lied. "No, I said--just burgers and fries." She gave me a coupon for Dominos.
Good things: I have been attentive to my cat. I have been taking my meds/vitamins. I have been showing up to work and diligently doing my job. As depressing as it is, I've been entering all my food and exercise here in Spark People.
So, I'm not all doom and gloom.
I know I'll break out of this funk. Maybe it's time for an entry into my gratitude journal.
I'm thankful SparkPeople exists. Other than that, well, I'm open to anything.
Stay frosty, friends. Stay real.