KELLNOELLE
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Virtually Everything Has Changed

Sunday, March 15, 2020

I remember using the word "virtually" like that when I was younger. But we use that word so differently now, don't we? Especially in my job, where I work virtually. We have "virtual" workers and "on site" workers. We have "virtual" meetings, etc.

A little over a year ago I made the decision to change positions at my company and it was a very tough decision. I loved my job. And the new job, although a promotion, would actually bring me less money because I would give up bonuses. It is a work at home position as well. I am an introvert, which may seem like working virtual would be an easy decision. But see, being an introvert makes it more difficult for me to get out of my comfort zone and put myself out there to join new groups and make new friends. So I was nervous. My job was a leadership position and a lot of people looked up to me. I got to focus on the positive and give encouragement which received much appreciation on a regular basis. I regularly met new people since my job was training new hires. I led meetings and pushed myself over the last few years, enjoying the growth I had made.

So why leave a position I love for a new one making less money? Kids. See my job was often later shifts, meaning little to no time with my school aged kids. My college son works weekends and my other son spends every other weekend with his dad. He wanted me around more often and offered to help financially if I had to take less money. I assured him this was not necessary but just setting the expectation that things were going to be very tight and would mean more stay-cations and less spending overall on things we were really spending too much money on anyway. For a 12 year old that doesn't express his opinion on much, he had a strong opinion on spending more time with me. And for a 12 year old that is social and becoming a teenager, the message was pretty clear. He needed me. Even now, when I worked overtime for a day, he was anxious for me to be done. All he wanted was for me to be there. He still wants to bury his nose in the screen and basically try to ignore me, lol but he wants me there.

So I made the change. I was nervous. I hemmed and hawed. I had to think about it even after I was offered the position. But my gut told me I needed to do it. And boy am I glad I did. First and foremost just to be there for my sons. But now, for so much more.

The cons are still the cons. I won't say everything is wonderful. I do miss everyone a lot. I miss the position, the recognition and how I was viewed. I have had to push myself to join some groups and do some figuring out of what works and what doesn't. And honestly, I am still working through that. Having much less money meant some things had to go. I had to stop my dance lessons. I have to pick and choose what outings I go to because I don't always have the money it takes to participate. I cannot afford to join many classes, like spin class or yoga. I found that I am much more outgoing in a small group that is new than a larger group that is established. So I changed groups in WW and realized I was really liking it better just because for me personally, I felt more comfortable in that group. So I am kinda in the middle of figuring it out, when everything went topsy turvey and was cancelled.

What I love about my new job is the hours and the flexibility. I can go to every cross country and track meeting. I can pick him up from every practice. If he is sick, I can work but still check on him. I don't have to worry about his being home alone all day. There is much less stress and drama in the new job. I save money on gas and clothing and so much time. Time getting ready, time driving, etc. I eat what's in my kitchen which makes eating healthy much, much easier. So why then am I so stuck at this weight? Why can't I get past this plateau?

One thing I know changed from my job was that I am much more sedentary now. Before, I had a desk and a computer and spent a lot of time at it. But I had to get ready for work. Sometimes I had to shovel the driveway and brush off the car. I had to park pretty far away from the building, walking each way. I took the stairs in a 4 story building, often going between several floors each day. When I wasn't going between floors, I was walking all over the large floor we had. I was pacing between desks and standing a lot to teach. Some days were more sitting than others but all in all, I got a decent amount of steps in.

Now, this week, virtually everything has changed and so many things are moving to the virtual world even more. On one hand, I am prepared for it. I am used to it. I am glad we have these options. The libraries are closed but I borrow virtually to my Kindle. WW meetings are cancelled on site, but we have the ability to have virtual meetings. Church is virtual, rather than not at all. And it kind of takes the pressure off a little for some other things. On the other hand, I worry about the effects as time goes on. How long will this go on? My son is off school for at least a month. I am so glad I am working at home now. I am so glad that I can basically quarantine myself. But not everyone has that option and I am keenly aware that not that long ago, I had three children that could not be quiet 8 hours and take care of themselves while Mommy worked. I would have been so stressed. I know that many are in that position and I am glad to see people coming together. Teenagers off school are offering to babysit, for example. Even before all of this stuff, I was coming to a place in my personal life where I had been stagnant and had made some significant changes the last couple of weeks to push myself to the next stage. So I have some small steps to help me get there.

My tracker has been broken since I got this job and I'm getting a new one today. Which is part of the reason I'm starting this blog up again so I can track myself. I moved to a 600 square foot house. I only leave my house about 1/2 the days of the week. Probably a lot more in nice weather though. I don't even go to the mailbox many days. I walk in my tiny house between the bedroom, kitchen, living room and bathroom. In a space that is smaller than some people's great rooms. I know I probably have a staggering low number of steps compared to the entire rest of my life. Winter doesn't help. I know it's an excuse, but I just hate the cold so I just don't go out in it. I also know I have been stuck at this same weight after losing 50 pounds ever since I got this new job. I have lost 5 pounds over and over again. The same 5 pounds.

So with Spring arriving, the world turned all weird, and some major personal changes coming, I have given myself a SMART goal. Not the first, but hopefully one that will stick. I figure this is a good time to stop telling myself to go to the gym and find affordable classes to join since that is being discouraged anyway. They say we are more decisive when we have less options. So walking outside it is. And probably some indoor exercise too. I feel like without the pressure to go to the gym, it frees up my mind to make a solid non gym exercise goal. That's my procrastinating, overthinking, introverted mind so I realize it's not that way for many others, lol. I'm not judging, only saying what's good for me. Just for now.

So my SMART goal is: 150 pounds by May 10, 2020. I have many personal reasons this goal is coming at a good time and is motivating, based on my journey. And now, with so much out of our control, I have the perspective that I really need to take more control of what I can. I can control many aspects of my health and I need to control everything that I can. I need to stop procrastinating and waiting. I used to wait for more time. Now I have more time than I ever have in my life and I'm doing less. So I need to just put the plan into action. I have many other sub goals to meet my goal. I know I can do this. I am going to do this. On May 10, 2020, I will be so proud of my achievement. There is nothing in this world right now that can stop me from that.


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • WILSOD1
    Everything always changs
    192 days ago
  • MDOWER1
    Good goal you can do it
    192 days ago
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