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A scared and lost returning to SP :)

Tuesday, May 26, 2020

Yep, I'm scared and lost. This will be a very bluggy what-the-=heck-such-sense post as I get all of my thoughts out. I. AM. F##KING. LOST - is how I feel at the moment.

I am currently binge listening to Cyndi Lauper's Rain On Me - such a lovely soothing melody.

I am determined but so so scared - terrified - of succeding. The psychology of it defeats me, I sooo desperately want and need to achieve my very realistic goals but I am stupefied by the "what. if. I. succeed...????" WHAT THE "F" HAPPENS THEN???? really, honestly, what happns??? what if it's not what I believed it would be? what if it's too much. Currently I am scared of the 'too much' but also - what if it's not all I thought it would be???

This gal needs to lose 50 kilos not that this should make a difference in how we feel but -seriously, let's be real - there is A HUGE DIFFERENCE in someone like me needing to lose 50 k's to feel comfortable and be not stressing to wipe her butt comfortably than someone needing to lose 10ks to feel good about her/himself. Please, do not misundertand me - ALL FEELINGS ARE VALID - but they are NOT EQUAL in my view. If I was in the position of needing/wishing to lose 5-10kgs then the struggle of those needing ot wanting to lose more would not be so relevant to me and, honestly, my needs would not be the same

Will blog sporadically (but hopefuly semi-regularly later) best wishes and love to all '

Check out the Cyndi Lauper song. Peace, happiness, and best wishes to all.

Ps - if you need a reachout - please email me - and I will do my best :) xox love and happiness
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