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AUGUST 21, 2020

Friday, August 21, 2020

I am revising my plans to blog daily. I will commit to blog at LEAST weekly.

Time for some real honesty here. I have not been doing well for months. I am still working with my therapist and doctor. I am just having a horrible time with anxiety. I am not sure if it is the quarantine or the fear of getting sick, or being inside so much that my anxiety disorder is in full bloom.

I have not been good about going around people for a long time. One of the things that my therapist and I have been working on is getting me to be able to go into a grocery store. I actually went into one with my husband a couple of weeks ago. It was unnerving but not impossible. One day I am going to find a way to go into a store by myself. But for now I will keep practicing with people who are close to me and willing to help me try to get over it.

The past 2 months it has been getting so bad, that I have barely been able to leave my room. I haven't been to work teaching my water aerobic ladies in over 2 weeks. Every time I am supposed to go, I about freak out. I have to take an anxiety pill and then take a nap. This week I had to cancel a doctor appointment for the 2nd time because I just could not go out. I took my pill & next thing I know, it was 5pm.

Tomorrow I am supposed to go to work. I am committing HERE & NOW to push myself to go. I MUST stop being stuck. I will also commit to pushing myself to go to the pool more often. Can you believe that DAWNWATERWOMAN has not been able to go to the pool? I was going almost every single day for 10 years and all of a sudden I can't make myself go. TOO WEIRD. But I will fight it and I will go.

My emotional eating is also out of control. I am committing to work on it as well.

One dat at a time.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
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    OK, I am calling you on it - it appears to be more than a week since your last blog!
    253 days ago
    Dawn, it is amazing what this pandemic is doing to us. I appreciate your blog because so much of the time I think I am the only one that feels this way. We are all affected by this. I pray that you will be blessed a sense of well being and hope. Take good care. emoticon
    257 days ago
  • FRANKIE2019
    Dawn, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have suffered from anxiety since first grade. It's a long story that started during a traumatic time when I was 5 years. Dawn, I would have fear of going back to work. I can not understand how you feel. I'm only out in public once a week. I stay away from people. We have people who stop by the farm. I try to keep my distance but I still worry. I don't shop by myself unless I have to. When I was on my anxiety pills I suffer from going to the grocery store with my family. I don't think I went ones by myself. My older brother was doing most of the shopping. I now like shopping with my brothers. But it took my little brother of telling me it hurt him that I did not want to spend the day with him. I still like shopping online. The only thing that has helped me with binge eating is not having it in the house and staying keto. Keto has helped me control my hunger. Dawn for me it is going back to church. I have got sick from going to church. I had someone come to church with the flu and sit behind me and cough on me moving my hair during the service. With two days I had a fever and the flu. We have people who are sick come to church. People bring their kids when they are sick. I hate being sick and worry about giving it to others. Last year after getting the flu shot and still having the flu so bad and it really affected my lungs. I feel like I would end up in the hospital and would worry about what the insurance did not pay. Dawn, it is okay the way you feel during this time. I have a friend who did not leave her home until this month because she is at high risk. My older brother has only been out a few times because of the high risk. Dawn, you are at high risk. Kids are germ factories. The little one's cough, sneeze, in there hand then use your clothes as a tissue. I see very few children with mask when I'm out. I see the little ones if they have a mask taking it off. How do you teach swimming with a mask on? I totally see why you would not feel like going to work. You could get sick and may give it to your family. I'm not sure what I would do. I'm sure I would have a lot of stress. Praying for you Dawn.
    259 days ago
  • MAJORK29
    Anxiety is a terrible friend to carry around. I'm so sorry that he is hanging out with you. I wish it were as easy as for you or someone else to tell him to take a hike.

    I will keep you in my prayers.
    264 days ago
    I'm so sorry that you're not doing well.
    Anxiety is no joke. Hope you'll soon find a way to get out there and participate in your life.
    265 days ago
    266 days ago
    266 days ago
    Dawn you are in my thoughts. I am so sorry for the distress you are experiencing. Each day is a new opportunity to make a challenge successful and find a new Dawn. Best wishes on finding the new Dawn.
    266 days ago
    Dawn, I am so sorry. You've been an inspiration throughout the years. Hugs.
    266 days ago
    I am sorry you are struggling. I know you can over come them and come out stronger on the other side.
    266 days ago
    Dawn please know I understand. I had anxiety attacks to the point of not being able to leave my house. It was hard work getting over it but I did. I was lucky to find a wonderful doctor that specialized in it and he helped me through it.
    Big hugs—I’m here if you ever want to talk
    266 days ago
    Dawn I am sorry you are going through a hard time right now. I am keeping you in my prayers. We are in tough times right now.
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    266 days ago
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