The record I never wanted to break.
Wednesday, September 30, 2020
Yesterday I hit an all-time high and broke a terrible record for me. I now weigh over 400lbs. It's so strange to me that I remember when I first weighed over 300lbs and thought that was impossible. I couldn't have let myself get to this point. Now I'm 100lbs heavier than that. I have to stop with the excuses. The reasons I give myself not to work, or why it's ok to binge just for tonight, or why eating junk food isn't forever. Cause its now a habit, and the excuses are just as much a habit for me as the actions.
I just can't keep living like this. I'm always tired. Most chairs are too small for me. In some cases, I have to sit sideways in order to fit in the seat. The chest hurts from exhaustion just from walking around the block. I want to be able to run with my daughter, play with her at the park. I want to be able to climb the observation towers with my family that we do every year. Something I sit out for years now cause I know I can't make it to the top. I want to live long enough to know my grandchildren someday and maybe even meet my great-grandbabies. At this rate, I won't.
My whole family worries about me. My sister, my dad, my husband, even my daughter has expressed concern for how big I'm getting and she's only 8. I know it is long past time to make a change. I have been trying for years, but this time is going to be different. Because it HAS to be.