BRAVAH
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Laundry day = stairs day

Tuesday, February 23, 2021

191.6

I met my stairs goal already, and I still have a load to do, which is at least two more times up the stairs. That's good. It is a great way to get me up out of the chair and away from the desk every hour or so.

Otherwise, I'm frustrated. I feel like I'm stuck here - yes, largely due to my own choices. But even after making better decisions, the results aren't immediate, so I feel like I'm not making progress. I know I need to be patient, and stay with what I know works. It will work eventually. I just have stop making so many excuses and justifying all the crap! Last night wasn't too bad, although we ate really late, and I did attack a sleeve of ritz crackers outside of my eating window. Again... didn't need it! Alas, had I not been in a huge hole from Saturday, it would likely have been no big deal. But it is a series of these justifications and all the stupidity of late that is preventing me from achieving any progress.

Ugh.

I'm tired. I'm so tired of being fat. I'm tired of struggling. I'm tired of backsliding. I'm tired of being obese - both literally and figuratively. That 30.2 BMI number is the literal version. Watching video of me doing silks is the figurative. I walk around all day not thinking I'm obese. I mean, I know I'm overweight. But obese is such a defining word. I know that the BMI scale isn't the end all, be all. But it is pretty accurate when I look at my ginormous behind trying to do a pose on a rope. And the way my butt, belly, and hips get in the way... don't even get me started on how I couldn't do one of the things Sunday, as the silk got stuck on a fat roll on my thigh. Yeah, that sucked.

So I'm tired. And my knees hurt. We go do something fun like horseback riding on Sunday, and then I have massive pain for days every time I sit down. And when one is drinking a ton of water (10+ cups per day), one has to pee often. Yes, every time I go to the bathroom, it is awful.

I'm tired of being so negative on these blogs. But that's what's in my head.

For the most part, IF is pretty easy for me during much of the day. The evenings are when it gets hard. I break my fast with a planned pre-dinner snack. But somehow, after I've broken the dam, the flood of eating ensues. I need to figure out how to stop that. I look forward to the snack, as my reward for doing well through the day. I suppose I could just forego it altogether? But, it would be better if I could figure out how to stop with a reasonable snack, and not keep going back to the cupboard.

No need to comment. I just needed to wallow a bit today. Tomorrow will be better.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • WASCALLYWONE
    Here is my "Non comment." (BTW, I'm back & I answered your email.) Hang in there. You can't give up (and I know you won't) -- better times are coming! (I am also talking to myself here after the 20# I gained on vacation!)

    You can do this!!
    40 days ago
  • CATIATM
    Hmm ... I get it. A doctor made an oblique comment to me recently, and I glibly said something about my efforts. As I was leaving her office, I caught sight of myself. It was shocking. So there are visuals, but you're right: its about feeling healthy and content. I think you're doing a great job of moving forward through a difficult process. emoticon
    45 days ago
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