Today I just relized something about myself,
I know I have all these illnesses and im sick of having to take meds for all of these sicknesses , I want to stop taking half the meds I am taking right now.
Its hard and I didnt say it is going to be easy but I need to do it for me to be happy and the girls and my husband to see me happy for once! I am not happy for me, I have alot of anger towards myself I need to learn more about myself and self esteem and self talk!
I am just so sick of being sick!
I am a diabetic , high blood pressure, I sleep with a machine,
I need to lose atleast 60 pounds to get my exrectomy done!
and if I lose weight who knows maybe I can get off of the machine and no pills , living healthy without meds,
first of all I need to go to bedddddd earrlllyyyyyyyyy
to conquer these things in my life!
I want to be happy for me and award myself just by getting off those meds, I want to go shopping and not worring if im going to fit that suit or not or look funny in it, or people looking at me for my weight and judging me, I want to feel great about myself and forget what others think I have a husband who loves me just need to love myself the same way! and if they cant love me FOR MY WEIGHT NOW like this today dont love me at all, I am a insecure person too. I am tired of dressing like I DONT CARE I WANT TO FEEL PROUD OF WHO I AM AND LOVE ME FOR ME AS WELL! you could say and I need out of this depression, and self defeat towards myself!
I need to pamper myself and make myself feel great just by doing little things for myself and feeling good about it as well! I never felt this for awhile so I need to do this for me soon but need my sleeppppppppppppppppppp
I need lots of positive talking
I can be 100 pounds and not be happy,
I have low self esteem badly and I dont even take care of myself I help others and an out going person I am a healer just need to heal myself as well too!
why is it so easy to help others but not ourselfs
that I connot understand at times!
but you see if I do these good things for myself I dont have to worry about complications in my life and not being sick!
I nee lots and lots and lots of motivation so I need to self talk to a healthier spirit in me! I need to stop sleeping so much to get out of this depression! no energy so I need to built back my energy as well
I want to just beable to jump out of bed excited for the day to go by feeling healthy!
that I never felt in a long long time, I want to see the sunrise and all those beautiful things and spend more time with the family instead of sleeping in way too long! my family miss me in the mornings and miss me period.
I just want to be normal thats all I ask for!
Is this possible! yes yes yes yes it is possible!
IF I WORK HARD FOR THIS I CAN MAKE THIS HAPPEN AND
I CAN BE HEALTHY
NO PILLS TO TAKE
AND MY EXTRECTEMY DONE AT THE SAME TIME
AND I DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT MY HEART FAILING WITH MY DIABETES!
I AM WAY, WAY TO YOUNG FOR THIS MY FAMILY NEEDS ME!
AS MUCH AS I NEED THEM AND MYSELF DOES THAT MAKE SENCE TO YOU? ONE DAY THE LORD WILL HEAR MY PRAYER!PLEASE GOD HEAR ME OUT LISTEN TO MY LITTLE VOICE WITHTIN ME PLEASE HEAL ME AND BE WHOLE AGAIN!
I want to thank all my spark friends and spark for all the motivation and support!
thank you so much!
JUST NEED TO TAKE OF ME FOR ME!