Why is it called a building when it has already been built?
Politicians and diapers should both be changed regularly---and for the same reason.
I like your approach...let's see your departure.
God grant me the senility to forget t... Read more
Where do you find a no-legged dog?
Right where you left him.
Why is it great to be a test tube baby?
You get a womb with a view.
Did you hear that archeologists just recently identified the cause of the Dark Ages?
It was most ... Read more
Where does satisfaction come from?
What do you get when you cross a cantaloupe with a Border collie?
Why can't a woman ask her brother for help?
Because he can't be a brother and assist her t... Read more
Did you hear about the new restaurant that opened in India?
It's a New Delhicatessen.
How do you keep a bagel from getting away?
Put lox on it!
What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved.
What's a... Read more
Did you hear about the home brewer who entered his first brewing contest?
* The report he got back read: "Dear Sir, your horse has diabetes."
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is definitely not for you.
if H2O is on the insid... Read more
Did you hear Willie Nelson got hit by a car?
He was playing on the road again.
Why do bicycles fall over?
Because they are two-tired.
Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?
He decided to stick it out for ... Read more
What do prisoners use to call each other?
What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?
What did one hot dog say to another?
What do you get when you pour boiling water down a r... Read more
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa.
How did the mouse feel after the cat chased it through a screen door?
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
What do ... Read more
How much do pirates pay for their earrings?
If Mr. and Mrs. Bigger had a baby, who would be the biggest of the three?
The baby, because he's a little Bigger.
What do you call a dog that is left-handed?
A southpaw.... Read more
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
In case they get a hole in one.
What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on a head, I'll just hang around.
Why did the boy blush when he opened the fridge?
Because he saw the salad dressi... Read more
What do you get when you eat onions and beans?
What do you use to fix a broken tomato?
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
My pig learned karate. Now he's doing pork chops.... Read more
What did the mother buffalo say to her little boy when he went off to school?
Why did the cannibal eat the tightrope walker?
He wanted a balanced meal.
What's a metaphor?
So that livestock can graze.
How does the m... Read more
Why not say "288" in polite conversation?
Because it's two gross.
What did the bee say to the flower?
"Hey Bud, when do you open?"
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Who yelled, "Coming are the Br... Read more
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $1.69 and deer nuts are under a buck.
What is bright orange and sounds like a parrot?
What should you do if you're eaten by an elephant?
Run around... Read more
What is large, gray and wears glass slippers?
What does a dog do that a man steps into?
Why was the archeologist depressed?
His career was in ruins.
What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a c... Read more