the sum of all our choices is what makes our bodies fat.
sometimes i make things i know my dh will not eat but i want healthy leftovers for lunches. ultimatly i do the cooking and the grocery shopping so i have a lot of influence on meals. i just have to staf firm on healthier options
I must be lucky, because my husband will eat pretty much anything. That being said, he does NOT always like what I fix for dinner. I like to eat vegetarian quite a bit, but I have to be smart about it because too many vegie days in a row and he starts to complain. I think that when you are the cook, you can take suggestions for meals, but make it clear that you'll fix what you think is good and healthy. My rule is: If you don't like it, make something for yourself!
current weight: 7.8 over
Fitness Minutes: (101,558)
2,256 1/15/18 12:56 P
OKOBOJII based on your response I feel like we're dating the exact same man haha.
But in all seriousness, I do occasionally eat more unhealthy things since moving in with my boyfriend than I did living alone. But I'd also like to think he eats way more healthy things since then too.
What's most important is having a spouse that supports you and your goals, and also realizing that you are in control of your own choices.
current weight: 135.0
Fitness Minutes: (290,682)
53,697 1/15/18 10:23 A
I no longer cook for either my spouse NOR my son who still lives at home. My needs are very simple and it's DH's cooking that is bad for me, not my own.
I did cook separate things for dinner when the kids were both still at home, but it was mostly making a starchy side for them, which I just didn't eat.
Think through all your options and decide which one will come closest to making you both happy.
And always remember, just because you made the junk food for him doesn't mean you have to eat it too. I have ribeye most nights. Why would I want to eat his lousy mac and cheese, lol?
Love thy neighbor. No exceptions. Equal rights for others does not mean less rights for you. It's not pie. “Our problem as Americans is we actually hate history. What we love is nostalgia.” Regie Gibson "You can't get into heaven without a permission slip from the poor." Reverend Jesse Jackson "Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph." --Thomas Paine, The American Crisis #1
I'll admit that I'm super lucky. While my boyfriend is a picky eater (there are a LOT of veggies/foods which I love and he won't touch,) he's also generally more than happy to fend for himself if I want to make myself fish and zucchini for dinner.
He may have peanut butter and jelly then snack on cookies but he's also still fitting into the same size he wore in high school 20 years ago, so whatever.
I agree that talking with your significant other is the best route. Figure out what works best for both of you. If that means that you eat together 3 days a week, fend for yourselves 3 days, and go out on the 7th, then great. I guarantee he's a big boy and can come up with his own means 3 days a week - even if they're frozen dinners (or learn not to complain about yours!)
Edited by: OKOBOJII at: 1/11/2018 (10:52)
Kristine Central Time Zone (Iowa) 2018 Winter 5% Challenge Community
we have a stash of goodies by our tv chairs also, when its gone i will try to limit the basket to more healthy snacks. we are also including small bowls to measure our snacks and not eat out of the bags, the faster pace the show, the more we consume without some form of measurement.
had to laugh, your husband eats the way i would like to eat but can't. my spouse is already driving me crazy and its jan 4th. i sent away for dr amens cookbook, grow your brain, there wasnt anything my spouse would eat, wont eat smoothies, eggs, bread, noodles, that book is coconut everything. im not convinced it is 100% good for us. so as the cook ill just have to spend more time looking at mediterranean meal plans. we will be sitting at the same table but probably eating different meals. i will try to have a protein and a veg to share. the problem is when we dont eat what we like then we binge watching tv, no problem there, my spouse could live on potato chips and coffee.
My hubby only eats fried potatoes and bread, for breakfast and supper, preferably homemade biscuits or cornbread with an occasional bowl of pinto beans. He is old fashion raised, that the woman cooks, and men takes out the garbage. He will not cook. Wants bacon or sausage for breakfast. If we go out he only eat hamburger and fries or onion rings. He will not eat anything else. He only eats fast food or mom and pop restaurants. Of course he with eat junk food, chips, candy, cakes, etc. And he wants it all here. It get really hard sometimes. I have trouble with temptation. Been this way for 44 yrs of marriage, so don't think he is going to change now.
At 55, my husband can wear a pair of jeans from high school....enough said. However, he is very supportive of me in this journey. I can use him for an excuse but it is getting more and more transparent when I do LOL!
It can be hard to change a family dynamic of only one person cooking, but everyone in the family having an opinion about the food. Honestly, my initial reaction from reading the original post was "well, then he can cook his own dinner!" Unless there's a medical reason for a person to not cook, every adult can learn if the adult who usually cooks is willing to let them in the kitchen.
In our house, you thank the chef for the effort of cooking (even if you don't like the food), and choose what to eat from what's available on the table, which always includes a bread product or potatoes, a fresh fruit (or smoothie), and milk. Frequently, I don't eat any of those, except maybe some fruit, just whatever main dish I prepared, and if the kids (or hubby) doesn't like the dish, they fill up on the fruit, bread, and milk. No one will starve to death from not eating a single meal.
Take life one day at a time - enjoy today before you worry about tomorrow.
current weight: 214.5
Fitness Minutes: (1,632)
1/1/18 10:32 P
Not all the time, he likes a lot of things I won't eat. Where I have trouble is when he is home on the weekends. He has a sweet tooth and so do I and eating in front of tv is a given. I have made the decision starting Tuesday to mindfully eat.
" Some drink from the river of knowledge, others only gargle."
- Woody Allen
Pounds lost: 4.6
Fitness Minutes: (304,343)
22,167 12/31/17 11:34 A
my hubby has attutde issues that helps him eat healthier. i do getin modes where itell him what i am making and he can eat it if he wants or he can have something else. when we were in the process of moving, i lived at the old house and only cooked for myself. and i still did not always make healthy meals for myself.
Great topic! My DH has started keeping snack items down my his TV watching chair. I always join him in the evening and have been having trouble staying out of the chocolate items. So starting off the new year with weight up. Had a nice, friendly conversation with him just yesterday and he is going to keep his things out of sight now. I do cook separately for him often, as he loves meat and I have been going meatless as often as I can. I try to cook extra so I am just working on one meal at a time. When I cook for him I have leftover soup or curry. It is harder to juggle, but worth it to me. Good luck!
Margie Kansas - Zone 5B
If hunger isn't the problem, then food isn't the answer. I want to be seen as a healthy person in control.
My guy is not a huge vegetable fan, so I think we eat more starch for dinner than necessary. I also think we're bad influences on each other at times. One of us will suggest take-out, and the other will agree. We need to work on each other's will-power.
Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day-in and day-out. ~Robert Collier
Running teaches me that I am capable of so much more than I ever imagined.
31 Days until: Philadelphia Half Marathon
Fitness Minutes: (85,321)
12/22/17 1:55 P
It's always good to have an open, non threatening conversation with your spouse. When I was diagnosed with diabetes, I told my DH, that I was going to be extremely limited in the amount of pasta I would be able to eat - a half cup is the correct serving size. I grew up eating a whole plate *sigh*. Lots of changes. Thankfully, my DH will eat whatever I cook. Plus, he's seeing how I've been losing weight, and he wants to do that too. He still hasn't wrapped his mind around portion control though LOL! One other note, whatever my mother cooked for dinner, was what we ate. We grew up with "you have to take a taste". The ONLY exception was when I was a very young child(4 or younger). My parents loved calfs liver, and I would sit there and silently cry. My parents must have had a discussion, and from then on, whenever they had liver, I had a PB&J sandwich, plus salad and veggies. None of us had food allergies, so that made it easier for my mom. Have a conversation with DH, and family if you have one. That would be the baseline to start at.
Karen Montclair,New Jersey Eastern Standard Time
Co-Leader Teachers Learning to Lose Team
Keep A Kind Heart!
current weight: 240.0
Fitness Minutes: (645)
145 12/21/17 1:11 P
I live with 3 people who do not share my healthy eating habits so I have learned to deal with it. It CAN make me gain weight if I eat like them, so I don't!
I use several strategies to help me: **I keep some healthy meals on hand for me if I choose not to eat what they are eating. Oatmeal & eggs are good at any meal...add fruit or a salad and you are set. **I also keep a bag of single serving unbreaded fish fillets that I can easily thaw, season & cook up in a non-stick skillet. I love the salmon, but have tried mahi-mahi as well. **I also cook recipes that I already know the calorie count 1-2 times a week and then I can always have that for lunch or supper. (sparkrecipes is amazing for this!) **I always track my food in SP Nutrition Tracker bc I get into trouble when I don't so even if I eat pizza or burgers along with my family, I track it and that helps me stay in my calorie range.
You can do it but you must have your eyes firmly fixed on YOUR goal in order to be willing to work around the obstacle this creates for you. That's what has worked for me.
Highest recorded lifetime weight (non-pregnant): 03/12/2015 - 165.5 lbs
2017 Goal Weight: 137 lbs - Met that goal & entered maintenance for the LAST time on 11/06/2017
2018 Goal Weight: 133 lbs
Trying out a New Goal Weight: 132 lbs
49 Maintenance Weeks
Fitness Minutes: (24,124)
4,666 12/20/17 3:28 P
I'm lucky in that although I'm vegetarian, My Honey is a "meategarian" who LOVES vegetables and doesn't have to have a lot of animal protein - he's satisfied with a small portion. He's also a very good cook (actually better than I am!) and we enjoy cooking together. HOWEVER, if he sees something that he thinks I'll enjoy, he'll get it and bring it home. So, in the last week, he's brought home a tin of Christmas Butter Cookies - which I promptly fell into and ate (seriously) half the tin, and then a few days later he brings home my favorite pie, Lemon Meringue! He doesn't do it on purpose - he just doesn't think that a cookie or a piece of pie is a big deal. It isn't - - unless you eat half the tin of cookies or the whole pie all by yourself!!!
"Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience." ~ ~ Mark Twain
It can be really difficult sometimes thinking about what to make for dinner because my husband not only doesn't like certain foods (eg. zucchini) but he also can't HAVE certain foods (nut allergy, gluten intolerance, high fibre foods trigger his ibs) so dinners/meals can be really limiting at times but I make sure that I have something I like occasionally that he can also have. It's just not fair to make something the other person likes 100% of the time when you are doing the cooking. Oh and I should mention I don't cook 100% of the time. My husband will either make a meal or he'll help with side dishes.
I think if you are the primary cook in your home you should have the majority say of what's being made or others need to pitch in with meal ideas, helping with prep or shopping.
In the mean time one suggestion would be to pre-make whole food healthy snacks for those days where you are still hungry after a meal.
"If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you." Call me Sandy.
No, but it makes it much harder to stay at my healthy weight. When I was losing weight, DH was really good for about 3 months having his splurges outside the home and keeping our house junk-free. But after that, he insisted on grocery shopping so the house stays full of junk. Probably the hardest thing is not cooking his food, but ignoring his junk. He keeps open bags of chocolate candy (my nemesis) by his computer and by his TV-watching chair. Sigh.
I do cook quite a few separate things. He has a steak, I have a halibut steak. He has ribs, I make a meal out of soup that he had a cup of. Luckily, he loves salads, so we both have daily fresh veggie salads; he adds nuts, raisins, croutons, cheeses and full fat dressings that I don't add. He doesn't like cooked veggies much, so mostly I do those for me.
I make coleslaw for him often. I just take mine out before the mayo. Sometimes I make hush puppies so he'll eat fish. He likes the dark meat better, so I usually get the turkey and chicken white meat.
When he is eating what I'm eating he adds lots of margarine/butter, more bread, larger serving. But then he weighs more than 100 pounds more than I weigh.
One good dessert for a special occasion is angel food cake with fresh raspberries or mixed fruit. I serve a buttery lemon sauce on the side. I take just a sliver of cake and lots of unsweetened fruit, usually no sauce.
I look at hubby's food and I just say, "Not My Food."
My Keys to Success = Tracking! Super Foods! Step Up Cardio! And most important: Quit Quitting!!
Wow, some of you are way nicer than I would DREAM of being (maybe why I'm single LOL) - if I'm doing the cooking, and shopping, and all the work, then you can darn well eat what I make. Don't like it? Too bad, chip in and help out then! Men are just as capable of cooking as women, just watch the food channel for 5 minutes if you need proof of that.
If he's going to be that picky, then he can make his own meals and you can make your own. Or, take turns cooking, and when he cooks, just be careful with your portion sizes and have some easy "filler" foods on hand if needed (such as baby carrots).
My last relationship we took turns cooking, and that worked pretty well. We knew approximately how much the other person would eat, and typically he'd just cook extra of the carb portion of the meal for himself. We both had pretty similar goals in terms of fitness and weight though, so that helped.
AJ Daly City, CA
Four wheels move the body, Two wheels move the soul.
Try not, do or do not. There is no try.
Never argue with an idiot - they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
There's only hubby and I at home now, but I really need to get more active in supper planning, especially for days that I work. Tired equals take out/fast food equals overeating/bad choices. So to answer the original question - No, cooking for a spouse doesn't make you fat. Lack of planning, and making bad choices can.
My clients have found this to be very helpful. Change the days/times of this plan to meet your need, but here is the example:
Tell everyone who eats..."Sunday at 2:00 pm is meal planning for the week. If you want to give some suggestions, come to the meeting." Then look at the calendar and decide how much time you have to prepare and eat a meal based on the family commitments for the evening. Are you looking for a quick meal on Monday night or to you have more prep time. Gather ideas and input from everyone on what they would like. No one gets 100% of their requests, but incorporate as many as possible. Ultimately it is the parents' responsibility to plan and prepare healthy meals. (this also holds true for spouses). If someone doesn't like the main entree, then he/she can fill up on the veggies, fruit, grains, milk, etc. At the end of the planning, everyone will see that some of their ideas are included during the week; but no one is getting all their requests at every meal. Trust me...those whinning will quickly learn to come to the meeting and share. Which is the starting point of them learning to meal plan and get involved in the process. Meal planning and preparation and clean up should NEVER be assigned to only 1 person...it should be a family affair.
YOU are the one who puts the food into your mouth, so you can decide whether to eat it or not, or how much to eat.
When my children were at home I often had 3 different "PART" meals to prepare, because my husband medically had to eat a low calcium diet, my son had many food allergies, and I had foods I had to be very careful with re allergies/intolerance.
As a result I had the main part we all had, and then our different nutritional needs separate. It worked well and didn't really involve extra work. If you want eggs, have them how you want them and he how he wants them. Hubby and I often used to do this That way we were both happy.
My daughter and son-in-l;aw lived with me for over a year, along with their young boy. He had severe multiple food allergies and my son-in-law diagnosed Celiac Disease. Sometimes what was cooked covered everyones' needs and likes.
I never gained weight by doing this, simply because I pay attention to what goes in my mouth.
Perhaps you could think about bulk cooking meals that YOU like so that when your husband has something you don't want you have a healthy 'go to' choice ready for you without extra work.
"does cooking for a spouse make you fat?" Nope. Eating more than I should makes me gain weight.
That said... My spouse and I eat the same things, he just eats more. Even when kids were in the house, I did not make separate meals. If the others did not want what I prepared, they were on their own. I refuse to be a short order cook in my home!
"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." ~ Randy Pausch
"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results." ~ Art Turock
"We have a saying in Tibet: If a problem can be solved, there is no use worrying about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good." ~ 7 Years in T
I used to have a big problem with this too. I felt I was cooking around the clock with three different suppers being served because everyone was not on the same page. I knew it needed to stop before I burnt out or went insane.
For instance, one kid likes fish one does not and husband likes his fried in butter and coated with shore lunche and while trying to be healthy I want mine baked and ugh. So one supper for him and one kid, another supper for other kid and mine bake or something.
Then said he liked something one time then made it another time and got mad and wouldn’t eat it then one minute he wants to eat healthy so cooking healthy then mad there’s no bad for you supper and on and on. It needed to end.
So...this is what I do now...
I make sure to have a plan. Without a little planning you will keep having the same results. Some people say they have no time to plan. But in reality there is time to plan and it saves you time later. How much time is spent online scrolling through Facebook, forums, emails then back to more Facebook etc.? Before we know it hours have been wasted each day checking and scrolling.
I make weekly menus and that helps a ton. If you show him written on paper what is for supper each day and he does not like it, he can tell you right away and you can plan something he likes or he can cook for himself that night if he refuses to communicate what he wants, this may sound harsh but how are you gonna know what to make if he gives no input then just refuses to eat it? Be sure to get a new fresh notebook for this weekly meal planning, don’t use an online one or you will be sucked into wasting more time online.
Once you know your meal plan, do your weekly shopping. Right when you get home, chop and prep all fruits and veggies for the week ahead and put them in containers in your fridge. You will be ready then and not stress out and overeat. I wash and chop all salad greens as well and then take all the chopped stuff and put together easy salads throughout the week.
I no longer cook three meals per meal. If it’s fish my daughter knows ahead of time and knows she will just have to eat more of the other stuff offered or fend for herself. Husband knows what I’m making and same deal there, he can eat it or not but we haven’t had problems since I incorporated this stuff. Communication and preparation are key to making it work! Good luck!
Edited by: LIFESGREAT2DAY at: 12/13/2017 (13:53)
Hello, I'm Rosie!
Greetings from Northern Minnesota! (Central time zone)
Search to find something WONDERFUL in every day!
‘But the Lord stood with me and gave me strength.’
Married with 3 kids. We have a rotating list of dinners that includes meals both my husband and I enjoy, and also a few things that one or the other of us find "edible" but not really something we like. That way, most of the time we have something delicious, and once in a while one of us gets something they really like that the other of us doesn't.
Kids eat what we cook. They have to take a bite of everything on the plate, and then they can eat the parts of the meal they like and leave the rest. If it's truly something they don't like and they are still hungry after dinner, I offer fruit.
Every couple of weeks we have a "fend for yourself" night. Everyone picks what they want and cooks and eats it. This usually is leftovers, sometimes frozen items (the kids get mozzarella sticks or chicken nuggets etc.), can of soup, eggs, toast and cereal. Basically whatever you are in the mood for. This teaches the kids to function in a kitchen for basic items, frees us up from a night of cooking and meal planning, and satisfies everyone's craving for their favorite meal.
I have to cook for someone that does not share my food selections and can love" say eggs" one day and then when I cook them again wont eat them.:-( it reminds me of cooking for a 4 yr old. i think when you cook for someone else your taste isn't satisfied and then you get into trouble snacking because you are craving things. I'm sure there are other married people or people cooking for kids that suffer this fate. I could use some ideas.