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WALKINGGRANDMA's Photo WALKINGGRANDMA Posts: 22,910
5/1/11 10:14 P

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Great thoughts.

Call me WG
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.
Oscar Wilde

You will never "find" time for anything. If you want time, you must make it.
Charles Bruxton


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GINGERSTX2STEP's Photo GINGERSTX2STEP Posts: 890
5/1/11 4:23 P

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good point...

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5/1/11 12:13 A

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I am in the RS Presidency. Today I was driving a group of sisters about an hour and a half to the temple. Our theme this year is Sisters taking Sisters to the temple. We have scheduled times to go together once a month. Husbands can go of course but we are encouraging the sisters to take a friend and go to the temple or prepare names and go to the temple. (or even work towards getting a recommend.)

I was worried about oversleeping. This morning I woke up early and listened to a conference talk on my Ipod. The only thing I remember about it now was he asked the question "What if we did everything out of love?"

We could do VT and other duties, give charity, fulfill our callings, interact with sisters (and brothers). Anything we are going to do can be done with love.

What if we also treated ourselves with love? That could be my biggest question.

** )l( Pam)l( **

I will succeed by living each day with strength and intention.
*May 31, 2014*


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GINGERSTX2STEP's Photo GINGERSTX2STEP Posts: 890
4/20/11 9:13 P

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when i joined the church in 86 i was never affraid to share or talk about the church and i had so much more faith. i was also one of the most positive people you would ever meet. then i went through a bad divorce and bad yrs after the divorce for along time tell all my older kids left home. sometimes it still runs down the stairs but i agnor it now and just figure we all have issues. i am getting back to my old self more and more the last couple of yrs. but I don't have the drive i once did. i struggle just to go to church and to be blunt if it wasn't for my hubby i would not go most weeks. as far as me goes i value nothing more then my temple recommend or I should say me being worthy of it.. why to me it is my gate way to the Lord.
change is good and i know that trials are good and i know that but somewhere along the way i grew some tough skin...I sure am not as gentle as i once was. no worries all is good..

GingerSnaps


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WALKINGGRANDMA's Photo WALKINGGRANDMA Posts: 22,910
4/20/11 7:03 P

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I never doubted you have held a recommend. I think that is part of you, that importance to have an active recommend. I have struggled with the worthiness thing (not necessarily from what I did but from other problems in my life you might relate to) but have been able to answer the questions every time with complete honesty.

When I was getting ready to divorce my husband, my recommend expired and I didn't renew it because I felt that I wasn't being completely honest with my fellow man (husband) and was unworthy. When I filed and had him leave the house, it changed things and I don't let it lapse any more.

I'm just saying that when we have done all we can do to resolve a problem that makes us feel unworthy, we rely on the mercy of the Atonement to complete the process. We have to trust that our Father loves us as much as we love our children and will forgive in the same way.

Call me WG
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.
Oscar Wilde

You will never "find" time for anything. If you want time, you must make it.
Charles Bruxton


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GINGERSTX2STEP's Photo GINGERSTX2STEP Posts: 890
4/20/11 5:16 P

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we could have last nov when the adoption was final but the Atlanta temple is very special to me i did my endowments in 88 and dave did his in may of 98 then we married in sept 98 all at atlanta it was closed for over two yr for remodeling but the sat in may is the first one it will be open.. yes i hold a recommend and have for yrs but i always feel and question myself before i go each time to the temple... that is just me..

GingerSnaps


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WALKINGGRANDMA's Photo WALKINGGRANDMA Posts: 22,910
4/20/11 3:58 P

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If you answered the questions for the recommend truthfully, you are worthy. None of us are perfect so we keep working toward that goal. I'm so glad you will be sealed so soon.

Call me WG
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.
Oscar Wilde

You will never "find" time for anything. If you want time, you must make it.
Charles Bruxton


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GINGERSTX2STEP's Photo GINGERSTX2STEP Posts: 890
4/20/11 3:26 P

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i am to busy beating myself up you got any whips hahahah i never heard of the class out in the mission feild we are lucky if we have enough people for callings let alone extra classes... sound really awesome though.. my sweetheart and i are being sealed to katy girl may 7th and i am just questioning my worthiness. i think it is just satan talking in my ear. see he knows he can't get me with booze, or adultry or some thing like that so he gets me where i am the weakest and that is self worth.. just me ging

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WALKINGGRANDMA's Photo WALKINGGRANDMA Posts: 22,910
4/20/11 10:41 A

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Your class does sound exciting. I'm looking forward to your thoughts. I know it is something we do to ourselves and it is wrong on so many levels. I guess we need to be more forgiving so we can move forward.

Today I'm rearranging the Easter Egg hunt. Rain predicted Sunday so it will be hard to hunt eggs then. We will be hunting somewhere else, at another time. Don't know exactly when or where. What a mess. I'd almost prefer to just do it in the small space available for the kids and be done.

Call me WG
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.
Oscar Wilde

You will never "find" time for anything. If you want time, you must make it.
Charles Bruxton


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4/20/11 10:25 A

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Yesterday was the final overcoming self defeating behaviors class. It was amazing. I still have a lot to think about. I have a blog brewing. But, I am not quite ready to write. I am sure I will be writing (blogging) and journaling (private writing) for a long time on this.

At the end of class we were talking a bit about the class. The teacher bore her testimony that Christ will help us to overcome our self defeating behaviors. A friend said I have no doubt that he could help me overcome anything...Which is why I haven't asked him.

I will start a thread and share scriptures once I get them from the teacher. Some of the quotes were amazing.

I think we all need to challenge ourselves to include the Savior in this journey.

(Ging, if you get a chance take the class.)

** )l( Pam)l( **

I will succeed by living each day with strength and intention.
*May 31, 2014*


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GINGERSTX2STEP's Photo GINGERSTX2STEP Posts: 890
4/19/11 8:38 A

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i am sticking to my goals pretty well but the closer i get to the 150 mark the more i get affraid."yeah i know fear is not of the Lord" to be quite honest I feel so out of sorts too. it feels so strange to put myself and my needs first.. i feel guilty bout it allot. but i know it is all Part of what i need to do.
i have had many childhood issues and so i have worked on many things relearning things. anyway. one problems i have had is boundaries.. anyway my great doctor told me about a christian based book written by cloud and townsend on boundaries..
in this book a women who is one of there patients; she says i have done really well with boundaries but then a mad women who over spends. who is lazy, who eats to much who is real out of control. i have no idea on how to set boundaries with her. then she said and the mad women is me.
ok it is all part of setting boundaries with ourselfs.ok i will live on a budget, i will exercise eat right etc. this is so sad but true not only have i have boundaries issues all my life. good old ginger think everything is her fault and blames herself; she goes around trying to fix everything..and has had this huge chip on her shoulder because it couldn't be fixed..
i have realized that my kids who are all in active is not my fault do you know how liberating that is to me. anyway this book is awesome
sorry my point i am a mad women; the worst part is i will have boundaries for a while eat right exercise. etc live on a budget. then bang i go off again. so to me this is real huge cause it can't be a here and there thing it has to be for the rest of my life.as the women says how do i get boundaries for this mad women i feel like screaming sometimes just going in a closest and screaming at the top of my lungs how do i do this and how do i keep doing this without feeling so out of sorts and how do i learn balance and get anything else done in my life....
cause it is a point the Lord teachs self mastery...and yes we need to learn it...anyway just thought i would share.. just me ging

GingerSnaps


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4/19/11 2:27 A

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That is good. i am off to bed. I had a cold today. Hopefully it will not be so bad tomorrow.

Good night everyone.

** )l( Pam)l( **

I will succeed by living each day with strength and intention.
*May 31, 2014*


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WALKINGGRANDMA's Photo WALKINGGRANDMA Posts: 22,910
4/18/11 11:31 P

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Finally feeling human again.

Call me WG
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.
Oscar Wilde

You will never "find" time for anything. If you want time, you must make it.
Charles Bruxton


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4/18/11 11:28 P

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I have been struggling this past couple of weeks. My goals kind of got away from me. I am starting SB PH 1 again tomorrow. I can do this. I feel better when I do this. I am working to remember to add prayer to my journey again. We can do this.

How is everyone else doing?

** )l( Pam)l( **

I will succeed by living each day with strength and intention.
*May 31, 2014*


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GINGERSTX2STEP's Photo GINGERSTX2STEP Posts: 890
3/30/11 12:54 P

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if we all where the same it would be a huge boring world. we all have the right to think and feel the way we do that does not make anyone right or wrong how they think or feel. it just makes us who we are.. what works for some does not work for everyone.. except the gospel
i always listen to what others say but I will tell yo this as my cousin Patty says i am very opinonianted must be the Hawn in me hahahah..
I did not mean to step on any toes or hurt anyone's feelings if i did I am sorry, just expressing myself...you all are great

Edited by: GINGERSTX2STEP at: 3/30/2011 (12:55)
GingerSnaps


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3/30/11 10:36 A

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This conversations has shown me how similar we all are but, also how different. I am close with parts of my family and not others. I try to accept them even with their short comings. They don't do the same. But, my kids right now get along so I am sure that we will have big family gatherings soon enough.

I hope everyone can set up the gatherings so that it can be fun and not too much work. That is a hard balance I am sure.

** )l( Pam)l( **

I will succeed by living each day with strength and intention.
*May 31, 2014*


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GINGERSTX2STEP's Photo GINGERSTX2STEP Posts: 890
3/30/11 9:08 A

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forgiving is one thing, but if people are not mentally healthy enough to be around and especially for your children to be around it is better not to open yourself and your children up to them. I made a choice many years ago. that was not to ever abuse anyone and not to allow abuse in my life. because of that choice I have had to make several hard choices and one is few family members in my life etc. was the choice easy no. but it was the best for me and mine. The abuse I suffered has taken me a life time to over come and I would never want for any of my kids to be faced with the same problems I have had to deal with.
you can not change anyone nor can you always expect a certain outcome either. One of my main jobs as a parent was/is to protect my children and I do that. now when they are adults it is different but children have no way to control what adults do. As far as wanting my kids to have a relationship with an unhealthy person such as a parent or aunt or uncle. I say it is up to that child after they are old enough and mature enough to deal with that person. we should always encourage them too but on their own turns. some people do change and can by the grace of God do so but I have learned it is far better to see the changes before you jump head first into believing and letting your guard down.
I have had many a talks with bishops and stake presidents about my choices and they all have said it is not healthy to allow people to continue to hurt you. my first bishop who is a great man had to discontinue a relationship with and ex communicate his own brother. he told me so. was it easy no but he felt like he had to protect himself and his family and other church members..
I wish that I was strong enough to deal with my siblings in a nother way, but to be honest I just can't it just drags up to many feelings and hurts to many insecurities I still have. I am not saying I have not reached out I have some but I an very careful how. I approach things.

to me life is to short to live in the past and with all the stuff you have to overcome but you can and should learn from it...thanks for caring and sharing with me

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WALKINGGRANDMA's Photo WALKINGGRANDMA Posts: 22,910
3/29/11 10:34 P

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My brother and sister and I get together for a long weekend together once a year. My brother comes to visit about five times a year (he lives 400 miles away) for a long weekend. We don't do a lot between times but have been close most of our adult lives.

I think it is so important that my children have good relationships with each other. It is important to forgive and not hold grudges. There are always dumb things that we do and forgiveness is what keeps the doors open so we can stay close.

When I divorced, some of my children wanted to "divorce" him also. My son got married two weeks after the divorce was final and had his own reasons for not wanting contact with his father. I encouraged him to keep his father in the wedding party and to not "burn bridges" so when/if he wants a relationship with him, he has the chance. He calls him when he has a child, invites him to important occasions like baby blessings (but does not invite him into the circle) but does not invite him to visit nor does my son visit his father.

Frequent contact does help the children stay closer.

Call me WG
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.
Oscar Wilde

You will never "find" time for anything. If you want time, you must make it.
Charles Bruxton


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GINGERSTX2STEP's Photo GINGERSTX2STEP Posts: 890
3/28/11 11:07 A

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my husband and I love when my mother in law who is a great cook sends left overs home with us.. maybe that would be an option. my siblings are disjunction junction and not healthy for me or my kids to be around. my older brother is ok.. you are right your siblings problems aren't yours and it is good you stay out of it.. I respect you for that....

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3/28/11 10:39 A

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I agree! It really is a wonderful blessing to have family around. With 8 adult kids and their 7 spouses and 17 grandkids I am always surrounded with family. Getting together is a chore and I think everyone brings something and the problem is dealing with all that is left over. My siblings on the other hand won't talk to each other, I love them all and talk to all of them. My older sister and younger brother won't talk to the youngest brother and they may never talk again, but that is their problem and I just love them and talk to all of them anyway. I had an older brother, but he was killed in a tractor accident in 1981. My parents live close by, and I'm glad of that. Hubby's family is great. He is #6 out of 11 children! What a wonderful blessing it is to have all these people to love!

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GINGERSTX2STEP's Photo GINGERSTX2STEP Posts: 890
3/27/11 9:27 P

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you all are so blessed. I mean I know what you all are facing is challenges but it is so wonderful to have family.. i only talk to one sibbling he lives in wyo... my older kids are not active and they don't come around much at all so it is just me ,dave and Katy most of the time. I have always always wanted to be close and have family around me. but that was not my lot in life. both of my parents are dead momma was 38 when she had me and she died a couple of yrs ago. . I have done most everything by myself tell my david came along. what a wonderful thing to have so many people who love you enough to come over and be a part of your lifes... when i was younger i would weep so much for things I did not have.."family"
don't feel guilty for asking for help cause you know if you where my sister or mom i would bend over backward to make you all happy and glad I came over....responsibility is very important and having your kids help is a part of that and they will appreciate it someday... . asking for help too is a part of taking care of yourself.. which we as mothers in zion all have problems doing. you can do it ... emoticon

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WALKINGGRANDMA's Photo WALKINGGRANDMA Posts: 22,910
3/27/11 6:56 P

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Thanks. There were only four of us and my brothers lived out of state. So when we got together, my mom would often make everything but sometimes we would "bring a salad" or dessert to make sure the kids would eat something that was there. When my kids reached adulthood, for a few years, it was just one or two extra mouths to feed, but now it is almost 20 people and I don't cook much any more with just me, so it is a lot.

One DIL feels guilty and brings stuff sometimes. We had runny green jello one week and another week we had a cake but she doesn't start to cook until it is time to leave so I'd rather she came than brought food.

It seems strange, but I now understand why my mother quit cooking most of the time. She was still married, but cooking for the two of them is much different than a large family.

Lasagna is in the oven. My daughter is walking the dog so they get their exercise before the loud family comes, and the others will be here soon.

Have a fun day.

Call me WG
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.
Oscar Wilde

You will never "find" time for anything. If you want time, you must make it.
Charles Bruxton


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3/27/11 4:02 P

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Just for a bit of perspective. I do not have kids out of the house yet. So I am still looking at this from the daughter in law perspective. I am the best cook of the DIL I say that not to brag just because I cook the most, and have a bigger family. My DH is #5 so the others were married by the time I came along. I have not had a mother since I was little my dad's second marriage ended when I started High School. So I made rolls for all the family potlucks that my dad took us to. I really like to make them and they are good.

So I would ask MIL if I could bring something. She would say no. It continued on for a while. I honestly felt bad that she would not let me bring something. I was willing to bring anything. Finally I asked if I could bring rolls. She reluctantly agreed. back then nobody brought stuff.

I made rolls and everyone liked them. One holiday while I was working I was unable to make them. I was working too many double shifts. So a SIL made them. Not so good. But, we lived. Now we kind of have our "assignments". One likes to bring salad, another SF desserts ect. I get rolls.

This is a very long way of saying that they may be grateful to help. Sometimes the sons make stuff. When each of us makes a bit then the meal is so much easier. It makes it fun. My kids love to help with the rolls. Even my big boys know how to roll crescent rolls.

For meals here I have asked my step mom to bring stuff. I guess we all just accept that it is easier when we all pitch in.

I love the stone soup story. Good luck. Glad you are still getting together.

Edited by: FLUTTER-BY)L( at: 3/27/2011 (16:04)
** )l( Pam)l( **

I will succeed by living each day with strength and intention.
*May 31, 2014*


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GINGERSTX2STEP's Photo GINGERSTX2STEP Posts: 890
3/26/11 8:25 P

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your not whining you have a challenge and you are trying to find a solution there is nothing wrong with that at all...

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WALKINGGRANDMA's Photo WALKINGGRANDMA Posts: 22,910
3/26/11 8:13 P

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I got the story Stone Soup for the kids. Everyone will get a copy. Then the next time they come over, they will bring an ingredient for the "stone soup" and we will all enjoy. It will be fun and a great way for the kids to see a story in action. They do this at school, but it might be fun for us also.

I guess I'm just tired. It is a lot of work and I don't get any down time all day. I have late church so I'm really running to get it all together before they come. They are all rested as theirs are earlier and they are hungry.

Just whining, I guess.

Call me WG
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.
Oscar Wilde

You will never "find" time for anything. If you want time, you must make it.
Charles Bruxton


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GINGERSTX2STEP's Photo GINGERSTX2STEP Posts: 890
3/26/11 8:00 P

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i cook my hubby and mother in law cleans I am blessed I never have to ask. my kids notta I guess I would say we are having a big dinner can you bring?? and kinda make a list up like they do at church..of what all you need.. grown kids are real used to us mommas doing all the work.. I guess we just have to be humbly and say please help me out.. I have trouble myself I way over do it.. You are right we need to ask our kids for help and get them more involved that way you have more time to enjoy them and not be so tired..

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WALKINGGRANDMA's Photo WALKINGGRANDMA Posts: 22,910
3/26/11 7:53 P

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Saturday is a special day. It's the day we get ready for Sunday. It is also the day that we take care of all the things we don't have time for during the week.

I've been trying to reduce the workload on Sunday when I have the kids over. With my children, in-laws, and grands it gets to be a pretty big group. In the summer we grill a lot and the kids help out. During the winter, we tend to have the same things. I'm debating between crock pot lasagna and regular oven stuff. I don't eat beef, so I make one with whole wheat pasta, veggies, and not a lot of cheese. The one for the kids is a little fuller.

I'm trying to find a tactful way to ask the kids to start bringing some things. This is a major production and I'm pretty tired by the end of the day. It was easier when at least some kids were home as they helped out with the clean up, but not any more.

How do you all do this? The kids still come over every other week. Some are pretty young and the grands are still young so it isn't a problem. Not all show up every time, but I have food if they do. I'm so frazzled by the end of the day that I don't really enjoy the meal. I'm too busy jumping up and down.

Looking forward to summer and some meals outside so the children can run around.

Call me WG
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.
Oscar Wilde

You will never "find" time for anything. If you want time, you must make it.
Charles Bruxton


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THIAGRAM Posts: 2,517
3/21/11 1:02 A

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Thanks for sharing with us! It's not always easy to be open about ourselves here. Because it's on the Internet. But sometimes it's best to listen and follow those quiet impressions that say this is okay or stop and be careful..

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GINGERSTX2STEP's Photo GINGERSTX2STEP Posts: 890
3/20/11 7:53 P

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thank you all to for sharing parts of your lives with me. it means allot to me and it has helped me not to feel so alone. your all are the greatest...just me ging emoticon

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GINGERSTX2STEP's Photo GINGERSTX2STEP Posts: 890
3/20/11 7:51 P

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it helps so much just having women to talk to about church. thank you so much for listening to me.
i never realized others felt out of place too..when i went to the temple for the first time. they had the cash drawer out with money in it "no one was there taking money a note just said pay what you owe" for the food in the cafatera it amazed me but then it had keys for the lockers and that confused me more// i asked one of the workers i said they have the money sitting out for the food service, but why keys for the lockers. if we all are honest in our business dealings then why???.she said honey you will find that not everyone is what they say they are are, try to be or act like. o she then said we also do that for insurance reasons.
this church is the best thing that happened to me and my older brother "long story" who will not even discuss God at all said ginny your church has saved your life.
thank you all for listening to me and for being there for me you all are great... just me ging

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3/18/11 5:55 P

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As you already know, the church is made up of very human humans. My hubby worked for the church 31 years, so we have seen many bishops and stake presidents from many different view points. I am very blessed that my testimony is not in people, but in Christ and in the foundations of truth and of the Book of Mormon. I know that Christ wants us to keep going to church (even if the people are not perfect) and forgiving and loving others. Forgiving others and ourselves. That's what it's all about! So glad I finally got around to reading this thread.

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Edited by: THIAGRAM at: 3/18/2011 (17:55)
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3/18/11 12:15 P

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There is no way to fix what happened in the past. I know my ex attended my ward for over a year after the divorce. He talked about me and told people things that were untrue. I work every other weekend, so it allowed my children to attend their ward and fulfill their callings. It was wrong of him and wrong of him to do a lot of things he did.

He is now in a bishopric in his new ward. He has not changed as far as I can see but I'm not responsible for his choices, words, or actions.

Call me WG
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M dad is on his 4th marriage. I told my Dh that I would not marry again if this did not work out or if he died He was not complimented.

I am glad that you are finding peace. The atonement is such a gift and I am learning to accept that gift.

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3/17/11 7:55 P

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i can't change what i did in the past but i can change how i deal with it now and have been dealing with it for a while. i just shake my head and so oh. ok or something like that.. now in my head i still have trouble with y thoughts sometimes but i have learned to control my tongue and with time i a sure my thoughts will follow. everything takes practice..i am happy now and am real happy with y life. so it all washed out in the end and if i had not gone through what i have i would not be who i am .. so all is good. i lost my dad when i was 8. mom never remarried which i think was in a way better for us....

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3/17/11 6:48 P

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I haven't had time to read all this yet, but I'll work on it! Hugs!

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3/17/11 5:06 P

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This is why we cannot judge each other. We have no idea what else the person sitting next to us has gone through or is going through.

I know it is hard not to talk badly about the other person. My dad's second wife spoke horribly about him. I would complain about her and he would not say anything. One time when I was a bit older I told him that his not saying anything made me feel like I was crazy. Occasionally he would agree with me after that. But, never ever in front of her kids. He was always good that way. He is still working on his relationship with them. I never believe the bad things that people say anymore, unless I have seen it.

Someone not knowing that my dad was there said very unkind things at my brother's baptism. I still think that was so sad. It is one of about 4 times I have seen my dad cry.

I should tell you that my mom dies when I was almost 6 so the person I talked about was not my mom.

Thanks for sharing. Have a great day.

** )l( Pam)l( **

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3/17/11 9:58 A

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thank you ladies so much for your kind words. i went through a really horrible divorce the first time many many moons ago,and my older three kids got drug through so much garbage.. i said at one point that nothing could keep me from the church ,but when i would go to church and the kids where with thier dad and the kids would want to come hug me he would pull them away from me.they would cry and be upset "we went to the same ward at the time" i quit going when he had them, besides sitting alone and feeling alone cause all of my friends in church just backed off or i would see people talking bout me.as i walked round the corner. it was hard so hard. to top it off the kids dad as he told me one day when i confronted him about his behavior. i said do you really want the kids. oh no i am having the time of my life with all my new freedom. i just don't want you to have them. and i will make your life pure hell tell you walk away from them and are out of thier lives forever.
true to his word he did all he could to destroy my relationship with them and to try and make my life hell. when i would go to church i would be drug into the bishop office mine, he moved , then his, the stake president oh my word i think bout eight different men and they would all tell me how i was doing this or that and "drugs abuse you name it" and how he was going to take the kids from me and i was constantly defending myself. against everything he said.. i was so confused by all of it. the men where supposed to be inspired from the lord and i could not understand why they did not see what was going on.
me i did not run to them with all the problems i figured it could not be worked out when we where married so there was not way it could after. either everything was his way or no way. he drug me to court as i learned to call it as my annual date every yr sometimes twice a year most of it was all lies and the judge through it out but my kids went through heck. 13 times at last count
it almost destroyed my testimony I did not understand any of it nor why.. i requested the seal get broken between him and I in 1995 it was and he faught it for over a year. he was even married to a member and he could not get sealed to her until the seal to me was canselled
but that is just him.. anyway when i got the letter from the first presidency it said this action will pave the way for your future foundation and as you continue to live your life in the way that is pleasing to the lord.
every dought i had left, the prophet of the lord and his counselors knew that i had be living the best i could and was worthy of my temple recommend.. it did not matter what anyone else thought nor said. i also came to understand that the church is true and the people are not. meaning we all fall short of the glory of God. the stake president give me some counsel and he said it would work meaning to communicate with my ex husband and all the problems would be worked out i told him it could not and he said with that attitude it can't i said i will do what you say but it will not work. for one year i did what he said as far as i was able to, and of course it did not work . so the next yr i went for my interview i flat told him and everyone else who had dealt with it i was going to do it my way . and one was i would not answer one question or one comment that my ex husband had talked to them about. to them that my temple recommend was not about him but about me and they had no right to do that to me. two to stay out of my business and i refused to discuss any of it with any of them. i found an article on how the church handles it when people attack it how they don't respond.
anyway that was the last time i discussed the issues in a bishop or stake pres office.
i moved to the same ward as the kids dad but i would not go.there i continued to go where i had been, i had the stake presidents ok on that. and anyway the bishop in the ward where i had moved to would call me all the time and would do all he could to help me and listen to me about the problems . he would say well really i am your bishop too.he became a good friend to me. helped me allot he took the time to hear both sides of the story and he never judged me harshly. he told me that he could not make a fair judgement on what they where saying about me unless he heard my side of it too. nor did he know how to counsel them either .to this day he will not interview my ex husband on a temple recommend interview. i asked him why and he said cause i will not sign it . he said i can to be fair with him. the bishop is now in the stake presidency...i was so confused my ex had to answer the same questions i did and i knew he was not answering them all correctly.. he still has not paid all of the child support he owed me. anyway. it confused me so much. but my friend the bishop said ginger it is like this his name is on there first and he will answer to the lord for it. "they all said that" then he said if we feel someone is not being honest we press more, but if they lie they lie and it is on them not us.
i began to understand more, see they all listened to him and his new wife cause they talked to them all the time about it all the time. the brotheren are only human..
anyway the reason i am telling you all of this is cause see my older kids went through heck first when we where married cause we fought all the time and in front of them it was a battle ground, then after the divorce it was horrible all the time. they had to go through all of it to and i did not always handle it the best either. i was terraifed he would take them from me cause he had money and he had a family back up and i didn't. i was so scared that they wanted to be with him and anyway i had my problems too and i did things wrong too. i felt like i had to always defend myself ,even to the kids when they would come home and say things to me. i should have said well your dad has a right to how he feels and just shut up about it. but i down graded him and talked bad about him. I finally moved 800 miles away so i did not have to live like that anymore and it did got better, at one point i hated him and if it wasn't for the grace of Jesus Christ and a mirricle i still would. but i have forgiven and i can't even stay mad when things are said i just say ok he has a right to haw he feels and go on. my kids where so hurt by all of it and i have hurt so much in my life because of what they have been through and i have often wondered if i had a great marriage and if my hubby was there for me and for the child, would that child feel different would that child have the problems my other three have in thier lives and in with the church..
see Katy is my second chance at getting it right at everything. the lord is so good to me he knew even at age 48 that i needed her and i needed my david to be her daddy.. he knew i tried all i could with my other three we prayed together we read our scriptures together i made sure they always went to church. etc but you know i was not the only one in their lives who lead them i was not the only one and i have to remember that.
anyway sorry went on so long..don't worry the church is true and i know it with all my being and i know with all my being the Jesus Christ is our savior and he can heal us ever when we can not see him or feel his hands or feet. and i know Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers and that church leaders are called of God but they are just men and they make mistakes. just me ginger
anyway when my daughter left home to me the war was over at least to me. and i have event talked to him a time or too. my older kids dad. i did not know i was the only one who felt out of place in church thank youall so much for sharing with me..

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3/16/11 11:35 P

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I love your story. There are many times our calling is to be a mother and not something else. I know several friends who have raised their grandchildren and adopted them, usually due to drugs and the parents not being able to care for them.

We have things we do at church and a "calling" we do in our lives. Some of us are mothers, some are leaders, some healers, some listening ears, some sew, When you find the thing you were supposed to do, it is such a blessing.

I always feel bad when people don't attend church because of the actions of others. It is hard when some people can be very hurtful and say and do things that cause pain. Staying home is not going to solve the problem. It "proves" to the person who judged you that they were right.

Not saying that I don't do some of these things. I do, but it isn't right.

I have several friends with children younger than their grandchildren. They really do enjoy life and raising the second family is quite a challenge.

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A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.
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3/16/11 7:41 P

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i was just feeling low yesterday had a good cry when i wrote bout katy girl story to you all and prayed and then the lord and I had a talk and I am feeling allot better.. I know i am on the right track and where I need to be but change is hard.. so lets go team.. just me ging

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3/16/11 7:02 P

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Ging, Thanks so much for sharing. Writing that could not have been easy. I have always felt a bit out of place every place I go. I am learning it is not so much as I thought. So many people are stuck in their own lives that they are not worrying about others.

Just to be where you need to be to take care of Katy is great. She will get a testimony and she will grow. You know it won't be forever.

My current calling is teaching me that I am not exactly who I have told myself I am. I can do what needs to be done. Even if it is not easy.

Thiagram, I think so much of you, your encouraging spirit. Thanks for sharing your testimony and yourself.

Thanks for sharing. emoticon

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3/16/11 6:46 P

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Ginger, Reading about how you got your precious Katy is so interesting, especially the part about how she melted David's heart. I don't think I ever fit in at church or anywhere else either. Church is the only ship available and I love going. I just never try to fit in. I raised eight kids and I spent a ton of time in the foyer or in the bathroom nursing a baby, or wherever else it took to take care of the kids. I went to church for my kids! I took them so they knew they needed to be there. I already had my testimony and it was my kids turn to gain theirs. I wanted them to gain a strong testimony and they did. Even the one who has strayed away had a testimony at one time and I hope he will return. He married a non-member and she was baptized about three years ago. Then they fell away, but I still have hope for them and their four little children. What a wonderful blessing for you and your hubby that you have this great opportunity to raise your little Katy! Hang in there, it's worth the time spent in the foyer on the couch!

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3/15/11 8:35 P

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Katy girl is a miracle to say the least i have a son with limitations. who refuses medication and who does not have his life together. he got a girl with the same issues pregnant. when the girl was 4 and half months pregnant i knew my husband and i would get the child i knew she was a girl. how did i know i just did. i just know things always have. used to bother me now i just look at it as it is a gift from the Lord.
we had talked about adopting when we married almost 13 years ago my david my best friend has no children and he married me a mother with three teenagers. i can have no more due to medical issues. well after a month with my teenagers he looked over at me and said lets spoil the grandkids.
we never discussed it again. then i got to know katys mom by accident really. you know how sometimes you just fight what the lord wants for you and yes i fought it. and well i came to love her dearly cause she loved my son dearly. he was up in the hospital he was with a nother girl but the babies mom came up there and sat with him for five days tell he got out. never left his side.
so anyway i got close to her. she had noone here he dad was in florida and her mom in ok and she started calling me and talking. well anyway she almost lost katy once at five months she had a major seizure and started bleeding, but she did not miscarry. the bio momma just did not get that she had to eat..she had only gained 10 pounds and she went into labor 24 days early her water broke. i was going up there but my daivd said to wait tell the morning i did and Katy was born with only the bio mom there my son was not answering his cell.
anyway.imy daughter brought her and katy to her house and showwed her for two days how to feed and change and take care of katy. but my daughter noticed the bio mom did not get up at night and feed katy..well two days later she came to my house and the same thing. by this time the mom was real overwhelmed and wanted to give her up for adoption cause she knew she could not care for her.
i asked my david he refused to get involved. so i called the church adoption agency the bio mom talked to them but they said my son would have to sign the papers and we did not even know where he was.
so the next day i took katy and the bio mom to see katy's md each day my daughter or i had done that, katy was holding her own but not gaining weight at all she weak even. i dropped the bio mom off i had to get to work could not get time off and to be honest the bio mom just did not get things simple things. how to put her in a car seat and hook it, how to hold katy how to hold the bottle in her mouth how to burp her. etc etc.
the next day she called me and said the dcs was coming to take katy.. i said why she said oh i did not take her to the doctor i said why oh it was cold outside.. mid 60... i said get on a bus and take her she said no it is ok. the dcs worker is coming to take me. they put katy in the hospital she went from 5 pounds 1 ounce to 5 pounds 8 ounces back up to her birth weight, the bio mom was the only one who feed her and took care of her. too
the whole next week the dcs was in the home teachng helping taking them to the md. etc katy only gained 2 ounces the whole week. fri the dcs called me and asked if the bio mom could come to my home i said no i am working 12 hours night shifts and noone will be there dave did not have a clue about babies let alone how to watch the bio mom to make sure katy was ok.i could not get off of work either being a nurse you just can't not go.
my daughter had to work too. well the dcs said if you can't help we have toput the baby in foster care.. i called my hubby he said no we will not get involved. my heart was broken.
the dcs asked me my advice i said look my daughter has helped her, i have you all have, and does she get things simple things the lady says no. i said katy ate in the hosp put on the weight when the bio mom was being watched she did what she was supposed to, but is she know? the lady said no. i said you do what you have to i can't help.not this weekend. so there it was Katy girl was in foster care at age 15 days....
she was so weak the foster mom who is a good friend of mine now, had to feed her with a dropper katy could not suck on the bottle. as time went on everyone could see katy would not come out of foster care..her parents where just not able to care for her.
after 4 weeks i put in for custody. my dvid and i faught the worst fights of our marriage i finally just said ok you win but i will resent you until the day i die for this because we have a home and we have a great marraige . she could have what she needs and we can give the kids time to get it together if they don't by 18 months then we will adopt her.
i never said a nother word we had been seeing her from the third day they took her into cusdody cause the foster mom let us and the dcs worker. well the foster mom put little katy in davids big hands , holding her in his big old hands her little head and bottom fir so perfect and she would lay there and look up at him with her little arms and legs hanging over the sides cause she was so weak. she would just smile at him.and his heart just melted.
after a month i filled for custody of her. at 11 weeks we got her.. david was her main caregiver . he was laid off and i was working 40 plus hours a week. she still sees her other parents here and there. they signed the papers in may and we adopted her in nov. her
david has called her katy from the day we brought her home that was not her birth name it was charity nichole . we named her katy-lynn Charity cooper when we adopted her. katy just fits her. the lynn is after both my sisiter in laws vicky lynn's. i wanted to keep part of her birth name for her other mom cause that way if she wanted the name when she got older she could have it.
she is my bio paternal granddaughter. so sometimes it is hard not to spoil her. they did dna and it was 99.8% that she is my sons. she look like me and my other daughter mainly..
there is the story of how we got her in a nut shell not the normal way but i know she was meant to be mine and davids daughter...we aren't sealed to her yet waiting for atlanta to open back up. just me ging

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3/15/11 7:25 P

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You never said how Katy came into your life or family. But, your story about being the oldest in the nursery I can relate to. I taught in nursery last year and realized I was the only person in the room who when playing "Monkeys jumping on the bed." I was the only one who was calling the doctor with a rotary phone. LOL

I am sure that the Lord had reasons for bringing young Katy into your life now. Think of how young she will keep you. There is 17 years between my oldest and my youngest. I know that the Lord has a plan that I don't know right now or understand.

I am the councilor ever the monthly week night RS meeting. The young women are supposed to be invited in order to help the transition to RS. So inviting a YW to babysit really is not a good option. They should have a nursery. We have two men doing it so that they can also be priesthood for our building. If they don't have a nursery and you and not comfortable with other choices just tell them so.

Food is an awkward issue too. I am working on that one and I am in charge.

You will be blessed for going even if you are not getting as much out of it as you might if you did not have a small child. Just spend a bit of time daily feeding your spirit. I know that is so much easier to say than to do. Have you prayed to ask Heavenly Father to help you and your family feel spiritually fed? It can help.

I just came back from a class on Soul Defeating Behavior. Today the teacher reviewed that we are all daughters of God and there is nothing we can do to change that. Isn't that a calming thought? I love it. I am working to remember it.

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all the things i am not getting done. i mean no energy to sweep my back porch let alone the desire to. i rarely get to listen to all the talk in sacrament katy girl just doesn't want to sit still she throw a couple of crayons and almost hit someone in the head with them and throwing a fit; as i was leaving to go change her dirty diaper. the rest of the meeting i spent in the bathroom rocking her. she seemed to be off do to the time change. dave offered but mercy why should i bother when he takes her out i feel like he loses too. then i sat in sunday school and dave wasn't there so i got up and went outside sat on the couch. fustrated.. feeling so awkward going on 50 and have a young child.. no where have i ever fit in church but i sure don't know. third hour is nursery oh.. all the years i felt so out of place in RS with all the older siiters. now that i finally fit in i am in my own corner in nursery. by myself shoot if the church was on fire and i did not smell it i would not even know. they had a dinner wedn and said why didn't you come for one no baby sitter all ours was at the dinner, can't you leave her with a young women. well there is one active one and she is kinda lets say weird and katy runs from her. do i want to say heck no... two i just did not feel like going to eat who knew what and put on more calories.
somedays i feel so out of place, even in church. it is real hard sometimes. to just get up and go to sacrament, just to have to leave during the first talk, no RS and sunday school at least luckily they let me out of primary second hour.
grouchy i am and i am glad next week , we are going out of town for four days i think i really need to get out and just chill. my older kids are all inactive oh i hate that saying. so that is hard and two of my older three i did not talk to for over a year cause well lets just say the did not treat me with respect. i put my foot down. i bother them cause i guess i am a reminder of what they should be doing. anyway got to see my grandsons hadn't seen in a year do to the issues with there mom and to say it is stressful to me. i love them allot and her but if i put up with it from her katy will treat me like that.
she has five tatoos not little ones and peicy's five or six and when her kids where two they had mowhocks oh my word. it is so hard to keep my mouth shut. when she grips and says i am so unhappy i say you need to get right with the lord.which makes her mad at me.. well life goes on.
today was not a good day to ask what was on my mind.. i got an attitudy as i say to Katy girl. church has got me down but you know i always tell my kids you get out of it what you put into it and lately i am not putting much into it at all. so there you have it.. just me ging

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3/7/11 5:50 P

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I wish our sisters would open up a bit. Maybe I need to more. I feel a bit awkward. I know some don't have active priesthood in the home and right now I have 3 Melchizedek priesthood holders in my home. I hope it did not sound like bragging. I was trying to talk about things I had seen in my boys and boys in the ward as 11 yo scout leader.

Today I am cleaning and baking. Got a letter from my missionary. A bit of drama there. Ugh. Girlfriend is "sort of" engaged. I don't know how that works. She wants to tell him. I don't want to do it. But, I don't know if he knows. There is one sentence that may indicate he knows. Blah. He has had chronic stomach problems. He went on a mission anyway. He is now very tired and has been for a couple of months. This tests me somewhat because I wish I knew something to do. I am sure it will be OK. I struggle to get from now to OK. Thanks for listening.

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3/7/11 5:40 P

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Day off. Laundry, shopping. Giving son allergy shots. Need to visit a bit. Need to resolve phone bill. Changed options and am being charged for old option and new option. A little annoyed.

Doing lesson on Charity Sunday. Have lots of thoughts, lots to say but really want to open up the discussion so am thinking and planning. Things are so nice when the discussion is lively and open. Concepts are simple and discussion makes the lessons so much more valuable.

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A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.
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You will never "find" time for anything. If you want time, you must make it.
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I survived today. I ended up teaching because the RS president was sick. Then the other councilor showed up late because her family left after visiting for awhile. At least she conducted so that it was not the Pam show. (we have a mike because of the hard of hearing sisters.)

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3/6/11 8:37 P

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Food, land, chickens, Christ, genealogy, knitting, tatting, family, garden, water, hunger and thirst, journal, loving others, Sunbeams, exercise, fish (next week's Sunbeam lesson), chocolate, rain, snow, spring, and loving others!
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3/6/11 6:04 P

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Trying to figure out everything that I need to accomplish in the next 2 days before I head down to Vegas for work for 3 days. I will be home Friday morning, and then Friday afternoon, we leave for Texas. Everything possible will need to be done before I leave for work Tuesday so that there isn't much left to do when I come home.

Lisa L. South, BSN, RN


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3/6/11 4:46 P

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What is on your mind today?

** )l( Pam)l( **

I will succeed by living each day with strength and intention.
*May 31, 2014*


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