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September 2012 at 165 goal

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Me (at 279) and my three amazing kids...James age 9, Samuel age 21 months and Kaleigh age 15 1/2

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TRACYNOTGIVINUP is a SparkPeople Motivator!

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Hello Everyone, my name is Tracy. I have been having a hard time for the past several months now. Here are some of my numbers to try to shorten my description:

Joined SP in July 286 pounds.
In September of 2012, I hit my goal weight of 165 pounds.
In April of 2012 I began running and loved it.
In July of 2012, I ran from start to finish my first 5K. I still loved it.
In December of 2012, I ran each day for a total of 100 miles.
In April of 2013, I began wondering what I was aiming for. I had a hard time keeping my weight in check and wasn't looking forward to my running anymore.

Since then I have been struggling. I have gained about 30 pounds back. I am very unhappy with myself and seem to keep grasping on different things to try to find my lifestyle, but thus far nothing has worked. I have tried running again, but am still finding it feeling like a chore, probably because I am looking at it as a job/chore and I am mad at myself that I am not in the shape I was just a year ago. After months of doing this, I made some new years resolutions, figuring that had to work. I feel like I MUST know what I need to do. But they came crashing down around day 10. I suppose I should note here, I am a food addict and I am pretty sure I suffer from binge eating disorder. I have been thinking for days, I decided that the time I was happiest was when I was active on Spark. I believe it is because I always searched myself and came up with goals and plans to achieve them. I need to do something to keep myself in check. So, here I am back sparking. I also searched my thoughts about starting a new name or coming back to this one. It is kinda shameful to look at what I had done on this old name and feel like I let others but mostly myself down. But then decided that this is what I need to do, go back to this girl who lost the weight, who found the motivation and determination to follow through with making goals and setting plans. I decided it was truly time to live up to my name on spark.....


Member Since: 7/8/2011

Fitness Minutes: 40,738

My Goals:
Get back to my goal weight range of 163-168 pounds.

Find my love for running again.

Run a half marathon.

Get smaller and leaner, not skinny.

My Program:
Eat in my calorie range

Weight lifting 3x a week

Running/cardio 3x a week

Learn that it doesn't have to be all or nothing

Personal Information:
My name is Tracy.

I am 40 years old.

I live in Connecticut, USA.

I am married to my high school sweetheart, have been for 17 years.

I have 3 AMAZING children, Kaleigh, 18, James, 13 and Samuel 4 years.

Other Information:
I love:

my family
my friends
my new home
Big Bang Theory
UConn Huskies men basketball

Read More About TRACYNOTGIVINUP - Profile Information moved here. (Updated January 19)

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 current weight: 190.0 
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    Hi! Congrats on Conn making it to the finals. I expect you are really excited.
    Yesterday was a very busy day but it came off really well. I was on the go all day and we had a really nice dinner with DD1, fiancé, matron of honor and her husband. As planned did not worry about calories. My morning weigh in was same as yesterday mornings and I am unofficially in one der land again. Will not change my official weight until May 1. Today I will finish up cleaning up from yesterdays dinner party. It will be pretty sunny so I intend to work a little in the yard since we are forecast for 2 more days of rain with up to 1 inch falling. I would like to see 3 days of sun in a row. Is that too much to ask? My forsythia are beginning to bloom and the neighbors magnolia is too. For the first time in many years the magnolia is so late that it might not lose its flowers to frost after a couple of days. I love magnolias but would not plant one because I would always be disappointed. DD2's bridesmaids dress is in so we may go pick it up depending on whether she has her homework done. I am feeling tired today so I may not get evrything done..
    Have a pleasant day!
    2633 days ago
    Good afternoon! We are having another dull cold mizzling kind of day. More autumn than spring. Did my long gym workout today followed by a trip to Costco. Now I should be continuing to clean my house, but while taking a break I am checking the computer. Since we are going to Fish Friday at church tonight I am not cooking. I have tracked tonight's dinner and have room for a sensible dessert that comes with the meal. I was not as hungry today. My protein intake yesterday was much higher than usual yesterday. I wonder if that is why I have not had to fight hunger today. I have switched out Greek yogurt for oatmeal in my breakfast which increases my protein by 20 grams. Tomorrow I have guests for dinner and have decided to make it a non tracking day. DD2 has a recital tomorrow afternoon too so it will be a busy day.
    What is riced cauliflower? It sounds interesting. I hope you have weather that will permit you to continue walking. Wouldn't it be nice if we had real spring weather. Costco had the most lovely gerber daisies today but with the horrible weather I could not think of buying any. Wishing you a lovely weekend!

    2634 days ago
    Hi! I have had a busy day and my back is aching right now. I am sitting here trying not to think about food. Dinner is late tonight because DD2 and DH have not come back from her Dr. appointment. It is sitting in the oven ready and the smell is driving me crazy. I have been continuously hungry all week. With my April goal of trying to lose 8 pounds I have to stay below 1550 calories. I know that seems like a lot but I am not happy with it. I much prefer eating around 1600-1700 calories.
    My workout today was not at my best effort. I just could not get my legs to move any faster. However Home Depot had a fantastic sale on mulch so we went back 3 times to get it. I ended up buying 50 bags and DH and I moved the first 2 loads of 20 bags each into the backyard. After lunch I went to the Korean market for veggies, then to a supermarket for odds and ends. Finally I stopped at Home Depot again for 10 more bags which I unloaded by myself. Now I need some non rainy weather so I can spread the stuff. It is calling for some rain just about every day with a threat of snow next Wednesday. I am beyond tired of snow in the forecast.
    It is now about an hour later than the above. DD1 called and then DD2 and DH came home and we had dinner. So I am now feeling much happier because dinner was very filling. I made a creamy chicken spinach enchiladas which was very low fat since it used no fat Greek yogurt instead of sour cream. The only added fat was the 1 Tbs of olive oil I sautéed the onions in. It was really satisfying. Desert was 3 strawberries and 2 slices of cantaloupe. I exceeded my calorie count by 21 calories.
    I am glad you are taking it slow with getting back into walking/running. Take your time and don't strain your knee. It will get better. It took me over 6 months to get to the point that I could use my knee the way I used to after my surgery. I am still careful and do not do anything high impact. My understanding is that torn ligaments are much harder to come back from than a fracture. I am sorry you are still having issues with your shoulder. Do you carry Samuel at all now? I know when I had toddlers I would have trouble with bursitis because of carrying them. Congrats on your team making it to the final four! I hope you enjoy the game. If you won't have fun going to your parents make up an excuse and don't go. You have watched the games with them at least twice. Be good to yourself! Talk to you tomorrow.

    2635 days ago
    Good afternoon! Hope you are having a good day. I know it is your busy day so I guess you have been running around. I am doing OK. Have cut back my calories so I am mildly hungry even though I just finished dinner. Hopefully that feeling will go away soon and not come back when it is time for bed. The dress I ordered from Macy's to possibly wear to the wedding came in. In the picture on line it is slightly lighter in blue than your back ground. In reality it is navy. Not quite what I had in mind. It is supposed to be tea length so it comes down to just above my ankles not at my calves. I am 5'6" which may not be really tall but is also not short. I think I am still above average for height.
    Just got back to this after a trip to the grocery store after dropping DD2 at dance. I have had a successful day. Lifted 39000 pounds at the gym today. I am 91 calories under my daily allotment. I will probably have some tea later to keep me from wanting something to eat.
    DD1's shower is in one month so her matron of honor is coming to dinner on Sat. so we can plan it. DD2 has a dance recital Sat afternoon. So I am looking at a busy week.
    Have a good evening.
    2636 days ago
    Good Afternoon! Thanks for commenting on my blog. I am disappointed but I will live. I have to be stricter with what I eat. For me that will be very hard because I love food. I generally eat very healthy but I have a large appetite. So today for lunch I had 2 Wasa crackers, 2 Tbs of peanut butter (haven't allowed myself to eat peanut butter in a long time because it is so high calorie) and an orange for 327 calories. Breakfast was oatmeal my way. 1/2 cup old fashioned oatmeal, 1/4 cup whey powder, 2 TBS ground flax seed, 1 tsp cinnamon, 1 tsp sugar, 1 banana and 1.5 cups water for a grand total of 444 calories. That with my morning coffee wipes out 815 of my 1200-1550 calorie allowance. I am not exactly full after lunch so I will have some tea to keep my mind off food. Tonight we are having a Costco chicken with steamed cauliflower and carrots and a baked potato. If I limit myself to 2 drumsticks I should end up at 508 calories for dinner. I don't care for white meat and am the only one who likes drumsticks. I can do it today the question is what will I feel like tomorrow. Today was my light exercise day only an hour of cardio. Tomorrow is my full workout day and I burn in excess of 600 calories working out. Supposedly for my weight I should eat 1900 calories just to maintain. With my activity level I should eat 2300 calories. I ought to be losing more weight than I do. However my metabolism has slowed down to such an extent that I don't lose the weight. I know I work out really strenuously. Today I spent an hour in my aerobic range while exercising. My average HR was 131 and my high heart rate was 152. I supposedly burned 463 calories according to my HRM. Yesterday I burned over 700 calories. OK enough whining.
    I hope you are having a pretty day. We are supposed to be in the 60's today and the sun is shining. If it wasn't so wet I would be out in the yard working. DH and I are going out soon to order his Tux for the wedding. Then we are going to Costco for the chicken.
    Have a great day!
    2637 days ago
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